RE: Former Relationships (Full Version)

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trinigirl722 -> RE: Former Relationships (6/4/2008 11:33:47 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Covaan_Meshuga

quote:

ORIGINAL: trinigirl722
Oh, I think that is one of the funniest stories I've ever heard![:D][:D]

YOU remembered that, TOO?!?!?!? WOW!


Oh, no. I had never heard it before. I was just laughing at what you put in this thread.



Covaan_Meshuga -> RE: Former Relationships (6/5/2008 12:00:29 AM)

Ah! I wondered! I am completely amazed that Humble remembered it!

I had some very humbling experiences while dating as a mother/widow. Aaaarrrrgh! It makes great stories for telling, but I would never want to repeat it!



trinigirl722 -> RE: Former Relationships (6/5/2008 12:17:52 AM)

Glad you're past that now. At least you can laugh about it!



Covaan_Meshuga -> RE: Former Relationships (6/5/2008 12:31:32 AM)

[:D]



humbleinspirit -> RE: Former Relationships (6/6/2008 12:48:46 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Covaan_Meshuga

Ah! I wondered! I am completely amazed that Humble remembered it!

I had some very humbling experiences while dating as a mother/widow. Aaaarrrrgh! It makes great stories for telling, but I would never want to repeat it!


Now I cannot explain why I remembered it, but I just did. Probably because it was one of the more humorous/interesting things that I have read in these forums through the years.



Covaan_Meshuga -> RE: Former Relationships (6/6/2008 12:58:57 AM)

By any chance, Humble, do you remember the one about when I charity-dated the guy who kept wanting to go out with me, but I finally got rid of him for good when he broadsided a woman's car, and I told the lady he ran a red light -- which he did! -- ??



humbleinspirit -> RE: Former Relationships (6/6/2008 1:03:56 AM)

Actually Abiyah, I do not think I remember reading about that one at all. Maybe you could start a thread on all of your dating mis-adventures. [;)]



Covaan_Meshuga -> RE: Former Relationships (6/6/2008 1:22:40 AM)

[:D]



_CANCELLED_ -> RE: Former Relationships (6/14/2008 5:53:53 PM)

I think trying to find someone who hasn't said something negative about an ex is almost impossible. It's hard to not talk about the wrongs people have done to you. It reveals as much about you, as a partner, as the good things you say about them.



ebony101 -> RE: Former Relationships (7/1/2008 3:00:18 AM)

It's better not to talk about them at all.



Tinkerbell_ -> RE: Former Relationships (7/1/2008 8:58:47 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ebony101

It's better not to talk about them at all.

So do you just pretend that part of your life doesn't exist? What if you are married and have children with that man? You HAVE to discuss him...lol...you can't just claim immaculate conception. [8D]

Even exboyfriends mold us and shape us into who we are now.



WaitingforBoaz -> RE: Former Relationships (7/3/2008 2:13:31 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: humbleinspirit

I saw this from RichP's thread and noticed some of the comments about it:

- if you and I have a relationship, and somewhere along the way your ex-girlfriend is mentioned, NEVER badmouth her. It does not matter that she may have been evil, cunning, devious, or the most despicable person who ever walked this side of the Equator. Because that may mean that if you and I ultimately go our separate ways, that you will speak in a similarly negative manner about US.

Now my question is do you offer the same courtesy about us men too? I noticed that a "real lot" of former relationships that women tend to be bitter and bad mouthing their former man. I was just wondering what your thoughts are on this at all?

I never have bad mouthed a previous BF. All of my relationships ended on good terms. Another reason I would not is because my best friend is married to one and another is married to a close friend. [:D]



MC4JC -> RE: Former Relationships (7/6/2008 8:30:11 PM)

I guess my husband and I are either weird or the exception. We both had been married before and have kids by ex's (but we are a blended family with both of us having custody and the ex's having little to do with the kids). Our kids are now grown and out of the house.

Anyway, when we met and were learning about each other (good and bad) we discussed our first marriages and what went wrong and every thing about it - including the ex's and how they acted or treated us. We probably talked more bad about them, but after knowing them, we were not lying to each other.

We never spoke badly about the other parent in front of the kids - this was only done in our private conversations. It probably was wrong but it also explained a lot of the past and has helped us to be a better spouse knowing what the former spouse was really like.



Auben -> RE: Former Relationships (7/9/2008 9:54:39 AM)

I think this is like TMI stuff. No one really needs to know this kind of stuff early in the relationship, but a serious relationship probably means you need to sit down and go through it all at least once so your partner understands where you're coming from.

Everyone else can get a limited answer.



KuKu -> RE: Former Relationships (7/9/2008 6:19:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tinkerbell_
Even exboyfriends mold us and shape us into who we are now.


Exactly! The who and how much you expose is known as discretion, but things will come up/ happen that are affected by your past. Minimal information is all that should be necessary, in most cases, though occasionally clarification requires greater detail. It depends on the person, the situation, and the teller's ability to know to close one's mouth BEFORE regretting what was said...



Covaan_Meshuga -> RE: Former Relationships (7/10/2008 1:00:27 PM)

I started trying to date about two years after my first husband died, and it was disastrous. I got to the point that before I would go out with a man, I would tell him something like, "You will not touch me. You will not tell me what to do or how to do what I do. You will not drive my vehicles. You will not plan my future. We can go out as friends, but that is all." If the asking-for-a-date survived that, we would go out. But talk about TMI! By the time I went through that litany, they knew there had to be a history to bring that on!

When my second husband asked me out, he got good and griped out for just asking, then he got the usual stuff plus something like, "Why me? There are plenty of good-looking young women out there. Ask them out."



sudden -> RE: Former Relationships (7/10/2008 4:48:34 PM)

I really can't imagine bad-mouthing those dirty-dog, snake-in-the-snow types that dumped me for someone else [X(] With their lying lips saying stupid things such as "It's not you, it's me!" and you know what? They were right! It was them!

Isn't dumped just the saddest graphic you can think of? Like garbage from a garbage truck....like dirt from a dump truck.... Doesn't conjure up pretty pictures does it?[:'(]

Bad mouth them?!!!!

Far better to just punch 'em in the shnoze!!! That way, they know just how you feel! [:D]

Glad to be past the dating stage.

Sudden



sudden -> RE: Former Relationships (7/10/2008 4:55:23 PM)

But seriously Humble, the men I dated in the past were mostly wonderful - I just wasn't the "one" for them. SHould you talk about former relationships with new person? Unless the relationship is a serious one and you have a child with someone else who you still need to care for I can see no reason to discuss them at all.

Quite simply put, all you need to say to your new date is "it didn't work out."

No one, really likes to hear from their date of the misadventures of another love anyhow.

Yours for not kissing and telling,

Sudden



humbleinspirit -> RE: Former Relationships (7/12/2008 2:10:43 AM)

Thanks Sudden!


quote:

ORIGINAL: sudden

I really can't imagine bad-mouthing those dirty-dog, snake-in-the-snow types that dumped me for someone else [X(] With their lying lips saying stupid things such as "It's not you, it's me!" and you know what? They were right! It was them!

Isn't dumped just the saddest graphic you can think of? Like garbage from a garbage truck....like dirt from a dump truck.... Doesn't conjure up pretty pictures does it?[:'(]

Bad mouth them?!!!!

Far better to just punch 'em in the shnoze!!! That way, they know just how you feel! [:D]

Glad to be past the dating stage.

Sudden


LOL Sudden, btw, good to see you here! [sm=wink.gif]



revbob4God -> RE: Former Relationships (7/25/2008 8:07:42 AM)

Hello, I'm a newbie. I wanted to add a reflection.
Regarding relationships, I feel what is most important to the individual and couple as well, is to reflect on what went wrong in the relationship, and as long as each partner is being honest and genuinely trying to take stock in what to do to grow and improve, then truthfully listing the things that went wrong...for both of you...can be very healthy. On the other hand, no one benefits from mean spirited comments. And, I had a question. Is there a reason why Men and Women's topics are separated and restricted?



Covaan_Meshuga -> RE: Former Relationships (7/25/2008 11:18:22 AM)

Yep. If you're a guy, you don't belong here in the answering part. [:)] There are many, many threads where we discuss things together and just a few restricted threads. On this one, you may ask a question, but only women may answer. men have a similar thread. Then, there are threads that are completely restricted to gender.



KuKu -> RE: Former Relationships (7/25/2008 4:33:15 PM)

Revbob, I liked your reflection! Always something good to remember!
The mean spirited comment part applies to any kind of relationship in reality.

As far as your question, there are 3 kinds of threads- open threads (the vast majority) where anyone asks and answers; He Says and She Says- where one person of a gender asks a question of the other gender- they get answers without worrying about being 'corrected' or 'challenged' by their 'peers'; and Mens and Womens ONLY- which are restricted to the gender specified- and are generally threads of a more personal/intimate/sometimes uncomfortable to others nature.



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