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AlwaysR8chel -> RE: ~ The Journey ~ (4/20/2005 11:10:08 AM)
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Angels
February 2, 2005
A thread popped up recently in the woman’s folder. The OP was basically- Have you seen an angel?
My thoughts cascade back to the 90’s. I was making the best of marriage number two. This was a period in my life where I did not know true love- or Godly love in a relationship. To me, love was favor shown to me if I did the right thing at the right time. When I missed the point, made mistakes, or showed any doubt- that love was lost. It was replaced by anger, sometimes rage, at my expense.
I often cried out to God, asking for strength to make it through another day. Many times I would pray, hoping God would send a message- just for me. Mostly I prayed for deliverance from my circumstances. I wasn’t picky about how deliverance would happen. Some days I just wanted to lie down and die.
One night I lay on my bed, exhausted. It was finally 11pm; I had done enough work to satisfy my husband for the day. The children, ages 1, 2 and 7, were tucked into bed, the kitchen was clean (not one dirty dish to be found), each room was neatly picked up, everything resting in its proper place. My husband was in the basement, as usual, playing video games and watching movies. I knew he would come to bed much later, if he didn’t fall asleep in his chair first.
I was too tired to put on my pajamas. I thought I would rest for a few minutes and then attempt to ready myself for bed. I quickly drifted out of the consciousness of this world, and felt like I was gently waking in another. There was bright light around me and I could hear two voices talking quietly. Soothing, yet perplexing… it was a different language, nothing I’ve ever heard before, or since for that matter.
I could not see clearly. Brightness was everywhere and strangely enough, not hurting my eyes. I was slowly becoming more aware of this new place. Just then, the voices stopped. Gently, a beautiful and comforting voice said, “Rachel, you will have a chance to pick up the pieces.” As the words were clearly spoken, I could see them in front of my eyes as if I were reading a heavenly teleprompter. Peace, love and hope flowed through my body.
The voice was so real that I bolted upright in my bed and said, “What?!” But the angels were gone, and I had left that world, unable to return. They were gone… and I spoiled it with my surprise. In my heart, I wished that I could have stayed, if only for a moment longer.
God knew I needed that special message to live through the next few years of my life. I endured verbal and emotional abuse, always praying and hoping that my husband would find peace in Jesus. I held our family together, somehow, when my husband’s mother committed suicide. I worked so very hard when our house burned only six weeks later. I stayed in the marriage through thin and thinner. I was acting, for the sake of my children, as though everything would be alright. All was well, even as their father spent months in and out of jail because of failure to pay child support to his ex-wife.
I clung to my message, to truth, when all hope had gone from my heart. “Rachel, you will have a chance to pick up the pieces.”
My world did completely fall apart. Yes, my world was shattered, the pieces scattered at my feet. I looked up at my Father with tears in my eyes and a heart crushed beyond recognition. He nodded at me with a smile on his face. Now… now was the time to pick up the pieces.
From that day forward, I’ve been slowly picking up the pieces, one by one. I bravely pick up each piece and hand it to my Father. He takes away the pain and fills me with hope, love, forgiveness… the list goes on. Through him, I am continually renewed. You see, I may pick up the pieces, but God puts them back together.
Have I seen an angel? Technically, no. Do I believe in angels? Yes… and what have I learned about God’s love?
“Such love has no fear because perfect love expels all fear…”
I John 4:18
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