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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 10/3/2008 7:30:34 PM
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magdaleine
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Thanks. I sent him an e-card this morning:
Dh, we will get through this. God is with us and with ds3. I know the pain is hard but God is good and he uses the pain to make us stronger and more like him--if we let him. I'm praying for you.
About an hour ago dh thanked me for sending it and was friendly and nice.
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LOL! Ds3 just let me know he's walking to the bank (he got his first social assistance cheque today). I reminded him to take his phone (that's how he stays safe--he's just a phone call away) and his stress meds (take as needed) and thanked him for letting me know he was going out. He kind of laughed resignedly and said, "Yeah, I guess I'll do that for the next several weeks. I know I'm stressing you out enough as it is." Isn't he a sweet kid?
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 10/3/2008 9:02:46 PM
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magdaleine
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Thanks, Stovie. Yes, we have numbers to call and before I answered this post I went and put them on the fridge so everyone has access to them. While he's still a hospital patient (even though he's at home), we can call the ward nurse. Once he's discharged, we can call the Mobile Crisis Line. They are people specifically trained for helping in situations where someone is in danger of harming themselves and are available 24 hours a day.
Yes, I told his nurse when I returned him, why I was returning him early. When he called me that evening from the hospital to tell me he had tried to harm himself, I called his nurse and told her. When I picked him up this afternoon, I asked the nurse what to do if he starts thinking/acting in the same way. He's to take his stress meds and I can call the ward.
I know what you mean when you say that when you got thoughts of suicide and self-harm it didn't mean you were going to go out and do them. The same was for me. I've been there too. Well, there was one time I wasn't sure I wouldn't act on them and that time it was this very son who called one of the pastors for help (who was no help at all). Ds3 seems to be acting out these thoughts. I'm not sure that he would actually go far enough to actually end his life. But I don't want to take that risk by minimizing what's going on. It's a tricky balance though.
Since my last post, we had a family meeting while ds3 was out on his walk. I told them all about his attempt to hang himself, use plastic bags on himself, and about each time I'm aware of. My psychiatrist suggested that if I tried to protect them all from what's been happening then they won't be aware of how to help keep him safe. But I also had to emphasise a few things.
For one, don't panic if they become aware of a problem. Stay calm, have him take his stress meds, stick with him, call me or the hospital if it's too much.
Two, we can't make him the focus of the family, nor should we tiptoe around him, afraid we'll trigger something. Neither position is healthy. We have to go on with our own lives and he has to learn how to live a normal, healthy life without his family trying to cushion him from the bumps and bruises of life.
I think dh is having a hard time with that second point. Well, maybe the first one too. The boys seemed to understand.
Right now, ds3 and ds2 are standing beside me in the dining room, shooting plastic BB pellets at a paper target they've taped to the top of the doorway. They're having a great time. Tomorrow, dh has agreed to go on a long walk with ds3--a walk that takes a good hour or more to drive. Ds3 figures it will take 7 hours. Insanity, I tell you! But maybe it will be good father-son bonding time.
On the other hand, it could wind up with ds3 getting really angry at his dad and storming off somewhere, or in tensions building so much between them that he wants to harm himself again, so I have told dh that he and ds3 need to discuss a safety plan of what to do if something like this happens. I'll be at a writer's workshop all afternoon and I'm reading, so it will be harder for me to come to the rescue (though I will if I have to and will warn the other writers ahead of time of this possibility).
I'm tired but I'm feeling better than I was earlier.
quote:
I wish that I knew what to say...
I know what to say. Stovie, you are a gem. Thank you for all your support and encouragement.
< Message edited by magdaleine -- 10/3/2008 9:08:52 PM >
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 10/3/2008 9:10:37 PM
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magdaleine
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Oh! Someone from church e-mailed me offering herself and a couple other women to pray with me on Tuesday. I really appreciate that.
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 10/3/2008 9:57:07 PM
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agapetos
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Maggie, I am so glad that you shared all you did with your family today. I know that it couldn't have been easy to share, or for them to hear, but from what you have said, they want to support ds3 and they need to know the facts in order to do that. I know not everyone would agree, but it is important that you all have your own lives too. Sometimes making someone the centre of attention can put too much pressure on them ~ or they can find that being sick has it's advantages.
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 10/4/2008 1:37:06 AM
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zondie
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quote:
agapetos wrote:
Sometimes making someone the centre of attention can put too much pressure on them ~ or they can find that being sick has it's advantages.
That's exactly what happened in our family when we were dealing with mom's attempted suicides. Or, I should correct myself and say, "Mock suicides". Because she actually admitted (after months of hospitalization and therapy sessions) that she was only acting out for the added attention! It was a torturous journey for us all!
(((((((Maggie))))))), I'll continue to pray for God to give you strength and some peace of mind. And please don't think that I'll forget to pray for your precious son. My heart goes out to anyone who's in such a confused and tormenting state of mind.
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 10/4/2008 4:44:24 AM
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magdaleine
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Yeah, Stovie, I too am glad I told them. In addition to what you said, I think that when the family begins to revolve around the health or neediness of one member, the emotional health of each individual plus the family as a whole becomes dependent on the state of the one who is sick. Not good!
Zondie, what a difficult time you and your family must have had during the time of your mom's illness (even if the symptoms were only acted out, the "need" to do that indicates she wasn't completely well). Thank you so much for praying.
And for anyone who's paying attention to the time stamp, I'm up early, not late. 
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 10/4/2008 7:06:39 AM
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cherish405
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Maggie, you're still up early!
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 10/4/2008 7:09:33 AM
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magdaleine
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[I plan to go back to bed in an hour or two.]
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 10/4/2008 7:14:44 AM
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cherish405
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I'm glad you're going to get some more rest.
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 10/5/2008 10:38:38 AM
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humbleinspirit
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Good morning Maggie, Happy Sunday to you! I just thought that I'd pop in and say hello!
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 10/5/2008 10:41:58 AM
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cherish405
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How are things going today, Maggs?
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 10/5/2008 11:40:42 PM
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magdaleine
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quote:
Maggie that was very neat that you sent that e-card to dh.
That was definitely a God thing.
quote:
And you dear lady, amaze me. Though you may not think it, I think you are showing a tremendous strength, courage and hope! And you acknowledge where that all comes from. He WILL guide you ALL through this time.
I'm praying for you and all the family.
Thanks, Sharon. God is good.
Hi Mike and Trish!
I slept 24 hours, from 9:00 p.m. Saturday till nearly 10:00 tonight. And I'm still tired. I missed an important meeting after church as a result of sleeping but I think I really needed the sleep. Must have been the stress catching up to me.
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Maggie
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 10/6/2008 8:58:14 AM
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lexie
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(((Maggie)))
I don't have words to share but my heart and my mind is with you.
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 10/6/2008 9:07:22 AM
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magdaleine
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Thank you, Lexie.
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Maggie
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 10/6/2008 10:37:07 AM
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cherish405
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I think that your sleep was more important than the meeting, Maggie. You needed your sleep.
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 10/6/2008 11:22:06 AM
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magdaleine
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Seemingly so!
It's a rainy, gloomy day today. I took ds3 back to the hospital. The guess is that he'll be discharged but that wasn't known when I dropped him off so I'm nearby, waiting for a phone call. I have to be back there for noon anyway, because of my appointment with the social worker.
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Maggie
Ask me about my book. It's now available online!
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 10/6/2008 12:57:33 PM
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agapetos
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quote:
I missed an important meeting after church as a result of sleeping but I think I really needed the sleep. There'll always be another meeting.
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Wisdom is not using them in fruit salads!
My blog
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 10/6/2008 2:36:49 PM
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magdaleine
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quote:
I've just seen my social worker... told her she was insensitive!
You're courageous! Mine wasn't much help. Basically told me to do the things I'm already doing.
quote:
There'll always be another meeting.
This true, but it won't be the introductory meeting where newcomers (me) are introduced and the expectations, etc. are gone over.
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Maggie
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 10/7/2008 1:37:15 PM
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stamper_ben
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quote:
ORIGINAL: agapetos
Kinda funny, I've just seen my social worker... told her she was insensitive!  She took it well.
They are trained to do that...
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 10/7/2008 1:43:40 PM
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rayofson
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Which...to take it well, or to be insensitive?
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 10/7/2008 3:13:59 PM
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magdaleine
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LOL at Ray! Probably both.
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 10/7/2008 4:33:46 PM
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vmginny
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hi maggie
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Looking at them, Jesus *said, “ With people it is impossible, but not with God; for all things are possible with God.”
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To me, thinking of certain things, such as suicide and self-harm, didn't mean that I was going to go out and do them, they were just kind of there. 
Maggie & Family 
