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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 9/24/2008 10:48:08 AM
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magdaleine
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Thank you, Pengie. I do so appreciate those who understand, those who care and pray--all of you! Thank you for reminding me that I'm not alone. I'm following my doctor's advice and making time in my prayer room a priority (which is where I am now, cheating by sneaking a peek in here).
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Maggie
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 9/24/2008 12:19:32 PM
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MarshaBlake
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Just reminding you to cast your cares upon the Lord, for he cares for you.
There are times when friends want to make things better, but can't. We have to trust in Him who is more than able to provide the grace you need.
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You're as beautiful as you feel--
Carol King
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 9/24/2008 1:47:19 PM
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Doveflight
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Knowing the absolute weakness physcially and mentally to keep going and keep coping is horrifying and depressing. When my body is so physically weak it feels like it will just fold on itself if I try to do anything, I must force myself to step back and lie down. If I don't I collapse in tears and anger. You need to take this one step at a time. Going to his room doesn't mean he'll be there forever, you can pack the downstairs at your pace and move him in. Maybe he canstay where he is for a little longer giving you more time to move him in. Have you talked with a social worker or administration explaining the circumstances and your inability to prepare so quickly? I most definitely know how important it is to have my things in clearly labeled boxes and within access. I am finding boxes even now that I did not pack and such a hodge podge of things are thrown in together. But then I am ultra organized to a fault.
Hang in there, Maggie. We are all pulling with you. The strength of God's spirit is far greater than we would ever need. It will always satisfy.
_____________________________
If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I am made for another world. C.S. Lewis
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 9/24/2008 11:05:52 PM
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magdaleine
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quote:
Just reminding you to cast your cares upon the Lord, for he cares for you.
There are times when friends want to make things better, but can't. We have to trust in Him who is more than able to provide the grace you need.
Yeah. Good reminder, Marsha.
quote:
Hang in there, Maggie. We are all pulling with you. The strength of God's spirit is far greater than we would ever need. It will always satisfy.
Thanks, Dove. I spoke to my son this evening at the hospital and told him that even if he gets to move into the basement, he might not be able to move down there right away because all this is stressful and I can't do it all at once. He seemed to be understanding, thankfully, and he agreed.
Dh and I have been short with each other, butting heads and blowing up at each other. This is certainly the stress. Please pray about this?
I wrote the following in the chat thread:
Ds2 and I finished packing ds3's apartment. We emptied his fridge and then went to buy groceries. Silly move. The fridge isn't big enough. It took a lot of creative packing to get everything in. But now we have three bottles of ketchup, three lemon juice, three or four mustard bottles, two or three mayo and so on--all in the fridge. Crazy. Plus I didn't realize we had a lot of tomatoes so I bought a lot of tomatoes (they were the best price I've seen in over a year). Sigh.
Now I have to start packing stuff in our house to make room for him. Right now all his boxes of stuff are lining the walls of the dining room, 3-5 high, and there are more to come--plus his furniture. I don't know HOW we're going to do this. It's completely insane. But at least I got ds3 to agree that he might have to use the small bedroom upstairs for a while even if the doctor says he can go into the basement, if I'm not able to get everything here packed up in time. That eases the stress.
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Maggie
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 9/25/2008 11:58:28 AM
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cherish405
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(((((((((((((((((((((((EVERYBODY))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
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- Phil Pastoret ***
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 9/25/2008 8:34:31 PM
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vmginny
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Hang in there Maggie.
When does Ds3 come home? I've forgotten.
_____________________________
Mark 10:27
Looking at them, Jesus *said, “ With people it is impossible, but not with God; for all things are possible with God.”
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 9/26/2008 12:33:35 AM
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magdaleine
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We don't know yet. He thinks maybe next week. We will see the doctor as a family on Tuesday and he'll give us a diagnosis and, I suppose, a proposed treatment plan. His brothers visited him this evening with a couple of pizzas to watch the first episode of the season of Office. They got special permission to stay longer than visiting hours.
I saw ds3 earlier this evening. The doctor had given him the results of the psychological testing he had yesterday. Says he has a sophisticated intelligence and residual psychosis. I've tried to google what "residual psychosis" might mean but I haven't gotten anywhere with that.
The doctor has said he shouldn't be in the basement, at least for now. That's good news for me. Now I don't have to box up all my stuff. Ds3 isn't happy about it though, and is planning to stay here for as short a time as possible.
He's going to get a weekend pass, so he can come home for the move. He's decided, however, that he doesn't want to help with the move and he may only come for the day. I will be at home here during the move and if he begins to feel stressed out, I can take him back to the hospital--or, I suppose, anywhere else he might like to visit.
There's so much to do tomorrow though. I spent all of today in bed. I think it was a combination of physical and emotional weariness. But now I have to do tomorrow all I was going to do today AND tomorrow: pick up my mom from the airport, pack up the upstairs bedroom, grocery shop (I want to make a good meal for those doing the moving and get them a good supply of something to drink), spend time in my prayer room and I don't know what else. Oh, a bunch of little things for ds3 like buy stamps for mailing letters overseas, printing out some things he needs, etc.
Despite sleeping all day, I'm tired.
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Maggie
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 9/26/2008 10:14:05 AM
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agapetos
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quote:
Says he has a sophisticated intelligence Knowing his mother, this doesn't suprise me. 
quote:
and residual psychosis. I've tried to google what "residual psychosis" might mean but I haven't gotten anywhere with that. From my understanding, it's where the major symptoms have stopped and there are a few less severe symptoms that remain ~ and these may well either stop or be managed through treatment and/or learning how to deal with them.
quote:
The doctor has said he shouldn't be in the basement, at least for now. I have to admit, I'm glad about this given what your other son has said about the effect it had on him. I don't think we realise how much we appreciate windows ~ even if we don't look out of them much!
quote:
Ds3 isn't happy about it though, and is planning to stay here for as short a time as possible. It's good that he's recognised that he needs the support of his family though ~ and can look to the future instead of thinking that once he's back home, he's going to be too ill to ever leave again and will need constant close supervision.
quote:
He's going to get a weekend pass, so he can come home for the move. He's decided, however, that he doesn't want to help with the move and he may only come for the day. I will be at home here during the move and if he begins to feel stressed out, I can take him back to the hospital--or, I suppose, anywhere else he might like to visit. It's really great that he's got some ideas about what he wants to do this w/end and that you have alternatives if it gets too stressful for him.
quote:
Despite sleeping all day, I'm tired. As you said, it's probably a combination of everything that's been going on and that you've been doing. Please continue to look after yourself as much as you can during this time.
Now, the important question! Did you call your psychiatrist a 'strange critter'? What was her response?
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 9/26/2008 11:43:36 AM
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cherish405
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Stick with it, Maggie.
((((((((((((((((((MAGGIE))))))))))))))))))))))))))
_____________________________
*** If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then only give him two of them.
- Phil Pastoret ***
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 9/26/2008 11:56:10 AM
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rayofson
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(((((Maggie)))))
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 9/26/2008 6:03:19 PM
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magdaleine
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quote:
ORIGINAL: agapetos
quote:
Says he has a sophisticated intelligence Knowing his mother, this doesn't suprise me. Thanks, Stovie!
quote:
quote:
and residual psychosis. I've tried to google what "residual psychosis" might mean but I haven't gotten anywhere with that. From my understanding, it's where the major symptoms have stopped and there are a few less severe symptoms that remain ~ and these may well either stop or be managed through treatment and/or learning how to deal with them. Okay. That makes sense.
quote:
quote:
The doctor has said he shouldn't be in the basement, at least for now. I have to admit, I'm glad about this given what your other son has said about the effect it had on him. I don't think we realise how much we appreciate windows ~ even if we don't look out of them much! Me too. And I agree about not realizing how much we need windows and light. I know that my automatic thing is to choose the brightest location when, for instance, I walk into a restaurant.
quote:
quote:
Ds3 isn't happy about it though, and is planning to stay here for as short a time as possible. It's good that he's recognised that he needs the support of his family though ~ and can look to the future instead of thinking that once he's back home, he's going to be too ill to ever leave again and will need constant close supervision. Never thought of that but you're right! Thanks for pointing that out.
quote:
quote:
Despite sleeping all day, I'm tired. As you said, it's probably a combination of everything that's been going on and that you've been doing. Please continue to look after yourself as much as you can during this time. I'm trying! It's one reason why I let myself sleep all day yesterday.
quote:
Now, the important question! Did you call your psychiatrist a 'strange critter'? What was her response?
Well, I forgot to write down your exact words but I did tell her the general drift of what you said and she had a hearty laugh. She's really a good egg. I wish my son could have as good a doctor as mine.
quote:
ORIGINAL: cherish405
Stick with it, Maggie.
((((((((((((((((((MAGGIE))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I'm trying!
quote:
ORIGINAL: rayofson
(((((Maggie)))))
Thanks, Ray.
Well, ds3 is here for the weekend and feeling overwhelmed but trying to stay calm. I've had a good day. Now I have to go and pack up the bedroom. I am tired. Ds3 is waiting to use my computer. I'll be back later.
_____________________________
Maggie
Ask me about my book. It's now available online!
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 9/27/2008 11:17:17 AM
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magdaleine
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The trucks and drivers/helpers have come and taken dh, ds1 and ds2 to begin the rest of the move. I made a giant lasagna which is cooking in the oven and I hope that three hours will be long enough to cook it through.
I'm exhausted and weary even though I haven't done anything other than make the lasagna. This afternoon I will have to take ds3 on a few errands that I've been unable to do for him. I'm already looking forward to bedtime and I had a good sleep last night. I am trying to take care of myself and plan to spend huge chunks of time today in my prayer room. It's a calm, peaceful place and far from all the activity of moving.
I may do some writing here. I am blogging in my real name elsewhere but I'm making a point to avoid talking about anything negative about my marriage to protect dh from embarrassment (he doesn't mind me doing it here with my handle). I've been processing some stuff and if I'm up to it, I might post about it here later.
Hugs to you all!
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Maggie
Ask me about my book. It's now available online!
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 9/27/2008 11:41:35 AM
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cherish405
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Right back at ya, Maggie!
((((((((((((((((((((((((MAGGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
_____________________________
*** If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then only give him two of them.
- Phil Pastoret ***
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 9/27/2008 12:18:34 PM
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magdaleine
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It's the drive-by hugger! Hi Trish!
So far, we're all doing okay. I took a break to clean off the dining table and load the dishwasher. Since I'm not hefting boxes, I want to do what I'm able.
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Maggie
Ask me about my book. It's now available online!
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 9/28/2008 7:52:55 AM
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vmginny
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Maggie,
I spoke with my mom last night. Dad's chemo was exhausting. She said he said afterwards that he visited both Africa and Alaska. The chemo started at 8:00 and didn't end until 4:30. Africa being when he got real hot and had trouble and Alaska went he went into chills so bad they had to cover him with 6 blankets.
Mom is having bowel problems that I feel are because she is under so much stress. She got rid of some stuff from her store but still has lots more to get rid of and tend to dad. She knows he doesn't have much longer for this world and they've been married over 60 years and do everything together. Mom was right there next to dad the whole time he was taking chemo.
You know I am going thru a rough time too with my boss telling I have 30 days before being fired. I've gotten through 2 weeks and its been hard. Both bosses are gathering stuff to use as justification for firing me. It is hard because all the students know and some have been used to try to gather stuff on me. I've been put through tests of one kind or another. My attitude is I know God wants me to go through this trial and he has his reasons so I send to him my thoughts when rancor starts to fill my heart or I get scared. I hurt and I send that to him too.
I haven't told mom or dad my predicament at work. They have enough they are going through. I can't talk about things at home either. Hubby is having a hard time just breathing every day and many times can't sleep at night because of difficulty in breathing.
But I did ask mom if she could give me a compliment as I needed a word of encouragement. She said, "Ginny, you are a good, kind, loving woman of the Lord." She also said, "You trust him with your trials in life and I am trusting him with mine." I thought that was fantastic.
Maggie, remember as you go through your own trials you are the same. You are a good, kind, loving woman of the Lord and you trust him with your hard times. The Lord will see you through.
Take care my friend and sis in Christ,
Ginny
_____________________________
Mark 10:27
Looking at them, Jesus *said, “ With people it is impossible, but not with God; for all things are possible with God.”
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 9/28/2008 8:32:01 AM
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awed
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((((((Ginny)))))) Sending prayers.
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 9/28/2008 11:23:18 AM
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cherish405
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I don't know what to say to you all, but I do know how to hug.
(((((((((((((((((((((((EVERYBODY)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
_____________________________
*** If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then only give him two of them.
- Phil Pastoret ***
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 9/28/2008 3:36:01 PM
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magdaleine
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Thanks for posting, Sharon. I truly wasn't trying to hurry you to my thread but I'm glad you came. Thank you for your hugs and prayers. Here's a hug for you: {{{{{{Sharon}}}}}}}
Ginny, that's awesome that your parents have been married so long. Wow! But it's so hard to watch the ones we love failing and you've got both parents and husband in that place. And your work situation is so stressful! I'm amazed at your courage and your attitude. You're doing just what the Bible commands us but which few of us are willing to do. I love the compliment your mom gave you. That's awesome. And thank you for passing it on to me. {{{{{Ginny}}}}}
Trish, you are very good at hugging. Thank you.
Yesterday was beyond stressful. The move was stressful, even though I had nothing to do with it except prepare lunch for everyone. The two men helping are former police who are now in undercover/espionage work. They had some cool stories to tell.
I spent a great deal of time yesterday in my prayer room. Ds3 came down after lunch. He had been hiding out in his room because he felt uncomfortable with the strangers who were helping. He had also left his phone where he couldn't reach it without being seen during lunch. At first I thought he just wanted my companionship but it quickly became clear that there was a problem. He was hunched down on the floor against a trunk, wouldn't talk and looked scared--he was shaking. I had to guess, but it turned out that While he'd been in his room, "unable" to reach me, he had taken one of the plastic bags we'd used for packing and put it over his head.
The one thing he did say and made clear to me was that the plastic bags had to come out of his room, so I went upstairs to do that and while I did, it occurred to me to call the hospital to find out what to do. They suggested I give him one of the meds they had sent home with him, stay with him and see how he was in an hour. After I gave him the medicine, I sat on the trunk beside him, with my arm around him. I had no idea what to say, so I sang songs to him. After a bit he seemed together enough to go upstairs and play on his computer.
I stuck close to him for quite a long time, until he reminded me that he had to take his friend's bike to her parents' place. She moved to Spain and had left the bike in his apartment. So we drove to the edge of the city where they live and then went out for ice cream.
What I had to decide was, was it safe for him to spend the night at our place or did he need to go back to the hospital? That was a very hard thing. He wanted to stay at home so we talked about what to do if he felt like harming himself again. He said he could phone me (even though his room is next to ours) if he felt unsafe so we talked about that for a bit until I felt confident that he would indeed do that. The other thing though was, what about church in the morning? He didn't want to come to church with me but if he stayed at home, even though his brothers would be home, they'd be sleeping so it would be the same as if he was alone. What to do?
We talked around that for quite awhile until I was able to agree but I have to say that all of this was extraordinarily scary. What if I was making the wrong decision? Well, I kept him home and it's after church and he's doing fine, thankfully. I'll leave at 8:00 p.m. to return him to the hospital.
Church was awesome. Before the prayer meeting started, several people gathered around me to pray for me and ds3 and the family. When the prayer meeting was over, others did the same thing. When I went out to the sanctuary, others individually came and hugged me and/or prayed with me. After the service the same thing took place. I am so blessed to be in this church.
Oh! And in the middle of writing all this, two friends from out of town (14 hours' drive away) drove up, just for a few minutes, to bring me some flowers and to encourage me. They were in town for only two days for a family wedding.
I'm still feeling a lot of stress. I could have probably stayed in bed all day today like I did on Thursday, and nearly did skip going to church, but God is good and I'm making it through. I mentioned to ds3 that it may not be safe for him to leave the hospital this week as he was hoping and he agreed. But he also questioned if he'd ever be well enough to leave the hospital and I assured him that he will. This won't last forever and the time will come when he can function well again.
Oh! And a cool thing happened after church. The eldest daughter of the friend I've had since I was 12 came and sat beside me, just to talk. She knew nothing about what's been happening. She just wanted to be friendly. It always amazes me when the younger generation wants to connect with me in some way. She told me about stuff that's going on with her and then asked how things have been with me, so I told her about ds3, who she knows. She might go visit him in the hospital, which would be awesome. She's a very strong believer and has had some awesome experiences with God. I hope she does.
That's it for now.
_____________________________
Maggie
Ask me about my book. It's now available online!
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 9/28/2008 5:49:24 PM
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vmginny
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Me too Maggie...I hope she does.
_____________________________
Mark 10:27
Looking at them, Jesus *said, “ With people it is impossible, but not with God; for all things are possible with God.”
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 9/28/2008 6:01:35 PM
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agapetos
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Maggie, well done to you, your son and your family for getting through such a tough weekend! I think you've all taken enourmous steps with the decisions you've made and I think your son has taken big steps in trusting you in telling you where he's had problems ~ the phone and bag and what to do if he had thoughts of self-harm etc.
It is great that you had the thought to call the hospital, and do so ~ and that your son chose to take the medication. It can be terribly hard to not know what to do (I guess I'm putting myself in his place here) when you're brain is so muddled.
Again, all this is new you him and to you and it will take time to learn when he needs to do something. While it would be the most wonderful thing for him to never experience something like this again, that may not happen. He will learn to understand his health, just as he learnt to walk and talk and read.
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I could give up chocolate ~ but I'm no quitter!
My blog
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 9/28/2008 8:20:08 PM
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magdaleine
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Thank you, Stovie, for being so encouraging.
I just had a four-hour nap. I guess I'm going to be up late tonight but I was far too tired to make it through the day. I'll be taking ds3 back to the hospital as soon as he's finished the lasagna he's eating. I wonder if I'll feel less tense once I return home.
_____________________________
Maggie
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 9/28/2008 8:27:43 PM
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Pengie
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Hi Maggie,
I just took a 4 hour nap, myself. Mine is because of illness this weekend, I'll be going back to bed shortly.
I hope your tension lets up a bit. Here's hoping (and praying ) for a better week. I'm glad church was so positive for you. I miss that.
Hang in there, I'm pulling for you!
_____________________________
Pengie
Pengie's Puddle
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RE: Magdaleine's Alabaster Atrium - 9/28/2008 9:36:40 PM
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magdaleine
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Pengie, I wish you weren't so sick. {{{{{Pengie}}}}}}
LOL at you two having four-hour afternoon naps as well!
I just came back from returning ds3 to the hospital. Dh met us there so I suggested that he and I go out for coffee. I decided I needed to tell him the stuff about ds3 that I had kept from him--well, all except the worst thing that I've shared here that I simply can't speak. I'm thinking of giving a note to the doctor via the nurses at the hospital asking him to raise the subject at our Tuesday meeting if he thinks it's important that dh know.
Dh isn't doing very well with the info I gave him so I'm still feeling a lot of stress. I chose to tell him, however, because of all the people at church who prayed that this crisis will bring the family closer together. Most don't know that dh and I have had a difficult marriage so it seemed significant that so many of them prayed in this manner. Hard to draw closer when I'm keeping things from him.
Despite my long nap, I'm tired. I want to wake up and find out this has all been a bad nightmare.
_____________________________
Maggie
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I had no idea what was going on. 
My heart just goes out to ds3, you, dh and your other sons. My prayers go up to The One who will see you you all through all of this. 
Maggie and Family)))))) 
