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[Poll]
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First date insecurities?
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| “I’m not his/her type.” |
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| “I’m afraid I'm going to do something stupid.” |
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| “What if I have to let this person down eventually?” |
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| “I’ll accidentally offend my date.” |
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| “I’m terrible at small talk.” |
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| “Ending the date is so awkward.” |
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| Other (explain below) |
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| None. I'm flawless and have no insecurities |
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Total Votes : 64
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(last vote on : 9/3/2008 10:31:19 PM)
(Poll will run till: -- )
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RE: First date insecurities? - 3/26/2008 7:49:51 PM
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WaitingforBoaz
Posts: 3969
Joined: 2/11/2008
Status: offline
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I can only talk from pre marriage experiences. I'm not sure how much of it will be relevant now but it's all I have as a reference.
I am not good with small talk. I really don't know how to talk about anything that is not important. I am afraid I might get too personal too soon. I am good at listening and getting others to talk about themselves though.
I used to love first dates and I have no dating horror stories at all.
The biggest problem I had while dating was as soon as I figured out the guy was not for me, I would spend the rest of the evening trying to match him with some single person I knew. That will not be a problem this time since I don't know anyone single, 'cept y'all LOL !
I think the biggest problem I will have this time, is letting the guy I want to ask me out, know that it is okay to ask me out, even though he knew my husband(as an aquaintance) Did that even make sense? I do not know how to approach this and since I do not ask guys out, well, it very well may never happen. I am not officially out until June but if this guy asked me out. I would accept.
The guy I am talking about is alot older than me and has been divorced for 12 years. I am not sure why he has not remarried in all that time. Kinda curious really.
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"Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a mans character, give him power" - Abraham Lincoln
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RE: First date insecurities? - 3/26/2008 9:38:54 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8027
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: cherishhim
I think the biggest problem I will have this time, is letting the guy I want to ask me out, know that it is okay to ask me out, even though he knew my husband(as an aquaintance) Did that even make sense? I do not know how to approach this and since I do not ask guys out, well, it very well may never happen. I am not officially out until June but if this guy asked me out. I would accept.
The guy I am talking about is alot older than me and has been divorced for 12 years. I am not sure why he has not remarried in all that time. Kinda curious really.
Send me his name and number. I'll get it rolling for you 
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Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: First date insecurities? - 3/26/2008 10:00:27 PM
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utilityfielder
Posts: 12350
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Home of the Champions
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ebony101
utilityfielder, I stutter sometimes too, but it happens when I can't find the words I need to express myself. I'm conscious of this. So if I find myself stuttering, I pause, take a deep breath, think of what I want to say and proceed to speak very slowly.
I've learned to control it instead of feeling bad about it. What do you do?
My problem is I know what I want to say and I try to push it out faster than my mouth can handle it.
quote:
I do this, too. For me it helps to stop, take a breath, refocus, and, when necessary, request the sympathies of the offended party. Admitting insecurities tends to add a touch of humanness to our character. Saying, "sorry, my thoughts got ahead of my tongue", even when *that* comes out sounding stupid (not that I know this from personal experience ), draws people towards you.
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Yep
< Message edited by utilityfielder -- 3/26/2008 10:07:50 PM >
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Before I refuse to take your questions, I have an opening statement. Ronald Reagan
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RE: First date insecurities? - 3/29/2008 11:41:19 AM
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trainfan
Posts: 2435
Joined: 7/26/2007
From: neither here nor there
Status: offline
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quote:
My problem is I know what I want to say and I try to push it out faster than my mouth can handle it.
That is exactly what happens to me when I stumble over my words only you worded it better Gary.
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<---- Look a smiling dog!
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Support your local economy buy local and support local retailers.
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Now on Facebook trainfans model railroad pictures.
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RE: First date insecurities? - 3/29/2008 10:15:15 PM
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PreserveWildlife
Posts: 530
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: Tennessee
Status: offline
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I don't have insecurities on the first date. I have them before the first date and after the second. They always center on how imperfect I am and how they will undoubtedly see how imperfect I am.
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RE: First date insecurities? - 3/29/2008 11:07:31 PM
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BrownEyedGirl_73
Posts: 48
Joined: 12/6/2007
Status: offline
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I chose doing something stupid and small talk. I have to make small talk with strangers at work which is soooo uncomfortable and it's not even close to the pressure of a small talk on a date.....
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RE: First date insecurities? - 8/24/2008 12:15:52 AM
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losgan
Posts: 714
Joined: 4/8/2007
From: Austin-Garland, Texas
Status: offline
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Congrats on the date!
My personal insecurity is that they'll be more interested than me, and I'll have to tell them. I'm not good at that!
As far as imperfections, goofiness, and mistakes - well, they're going to find out eventually :)
Kinda like how tonight, I think I probably chattered more than is typical or socially "ok" to my "crush" at church ... but that's just me, I do that!
He was still talking to me when I left, even kinda waited to keep talking to me when I turned back to ask someone about something, when he could have kept going. So - he knows, and for now doesn't seem to mind.
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RE: First date insecurities? - 8/24/2008 7:02:13 AM
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John_O
Posts: 8027
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: losgan
He was still talking to me when I left, even kinda waited to keep talking to me when I turned back to ask someone about something, when he could have kept going. So - he knows, and for now doesn't seem to mind.
So he knows what? That you chattered a lot? Trust me most guys see that as a good thing ("She's really talking to me she must like me")
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: First date insecurities? - 8/24/2008 8:31:32 AM
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makarizo
Posts: 3001
Joined: 4/13/2005
Status: offline
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not having any insecurities about a first date does not mean flawless!!!!
I am pretty confident - thru experience - that any woman who has a first date with me will have fun, be listened to, understood, share plenty of laughter, will find out that I love Jesus, experience good communication.
I can spot panic and or 'fake happiness' 10 miles away.... there is nothing I can do about narrow mindedness, shallowness, excessive dorkiness, dirty mindedness. unladylike conduct....so sometimes I transform from a "date" into some kind of ambassador/mad scientist... just to get thru the night.
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RE: First date insecurities? - 8/24/2008 8:57:59 AM
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losgan
Posts: 714
Joined: 4/8/2007
From: Austin-Garland, Texas
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
So he knows what? That you chattered a lot? Trust me most guys see that as a good thing ("She's really talking to me she must like me")
I've been told I talk too much - (I always had checks on my report card for talking/distracting others) ... so not everyone thinks it is a good thing :) But hopefully he took it as a good thing, ha ha.
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RE: First date insecurities? - 8/24/2008 9:10:34 AM
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makarizo
Posts: 3001
Joined: 4/13/2005
Status: offline
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"talking too much" can come in many different forms.
the one who talks and throws their listening skills out the window...no real conversation, just one on going monologue, like a stuck record that needs a little bump.
I do not know of one guy who likes that.
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RE: First date insecurities? - 8/24/2008 12:48:12 PM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 2528
Joined: 12/11/2007
From: The little house in the prairie
Status: offline
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If I'm not completely interested in the guy, I don't have any insecurities. But if I'm interested, I get insecure about not having much to say or the conversation not flowing and trying hard to get it going.
My technique now is to ask a lot of questions to get to know the person.
_____________________________
O Lord my God, When I in awesome wonder,
Consider all the worlds Thy Hands have made;
Then sings my soul, my Saviour God to Thee
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
<<<dogsledding at the Canadian Rockies
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RE: First date insecurities? - 8/25/2008 8:47:08 AM
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sunshinesoprano
Posts: 922
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Georgia
Status: offline
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What's a first date?
I think definitely the "I'm not His type" because I've never found myself to really be anyone's type.
Labguy...
I feel ya, and I'm sure you would be just fine.
_____________________________
Pure Heart-Fresh, Progressive Southern Gospel
Sing, laugh, love, PRAISE!
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RE: First date insecurities? - 8/26/2008 6:33:18 AM
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Grace-N-Mercy
Posts: 6512
Joined: 5/2/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: sunshinesoprano
What's a first date?
I think definitely the "I'm not His type" because I've never found myself to really be anyone's type.
Labguy...
I feel ya, and I'm sure you would be just fine.
(((((Heather))))) You ARE somebody's type... you just have to discover your strengths and build upon them. Just think, there's some soul out there who's praying for a woman like you.... you just don't know it yet.
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RE: First date insecurities? - 8/26/2008 8:25:54 AM
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sunshinesoprano
Posts: 922
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Georgia
Status: offline
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Awww, thanks, Michelle. I know....
BTW: Your kitty is so cute! I'd miss him too!!!!
_____________________________
Pure Heart-Fresh, Progressive Southern Gospel
Sing, laugh, love, PRAISE!
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RE: First date insecurities? - 8/28/2008 9:09:55 AM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 2528
Joined: 12/11/2007
From: The little house in the prairie
Status: offline
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I think I have a date...I don't know, lol. It's been awhile since I've spent any time with a male stranger. I'll be studying at Chapter tonight (and contributing heavily to Starbucks bottom line...coffee's my one addiction) I decided to invite a man I've been talking to for a week from this dating site to come by if he wants to meet. He agreed. We'll see if he shows up. I gave him a time frame of when I'll be ther...so he might show up or not, or he might just be one of those men who shows up, sees hiw potential date and leaves, lol. We'll see.
_____________________________
O Lord my God, When I in awesome wonder,
Consider all the worlds Thy Hands have made;
Then sings my soul, my Saviour God to Thee
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
<<<dogsledding at the Canadian Rockies
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RE: First date insecurities? - 8/28/2008 10:35:42 PM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 2528
Joined: 12/11/2007
From: The little house in the prairie
Status: offline
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So, the man I met tonight just called asking if we can have dinner. Um...I don't really want to. He's actually not that bad....looks exactly like the picture, we have some things in common, seems nice enough to go on a second date with...my player alert radar didn't tingle while I had coffee with him. But I don't know. There was no spark coming from my side. I can't see myself coming within a foot near him, let alone snuggling with him...or kissing him...that would just gross me out. I don't know why...he's actually attractive, with dancing blue eyes. But I'm just not attracted to him. This is how I usually am with most men.
How should I tell him I'm just not into him......
_____________________________
O Lord my God, When I in awesome wonder,
Consider all the worlds Thy Hands have made;
Then sings my soul, my Saviour God to Thee
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
<<<dogsledding at the Canadian Rockies
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RE: First date insecurities? - 8/29/2008 8:11:24 AM
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John_O
Posts: 8027
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: online
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PH, I agree with Tink.
"Enjoyed having coffee but there's absolutely no spark there so dinner wouldn't be enjoyable. God bless you and have a great life."
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: First date insecurities? - 8/29/2008 8:24:08 AM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 2528
Joined: 12/11/2007
From: The little house in the prairie
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
PH, I agree with Tink.
"Enjoyed having coffee but there's absolutely no spark there so dinner wouldn't be enjoyable. God bless you and have a great life."
quote:
H, I agree with Tink.
"Enjoyed having coffee but there's absolutely no spark there so dinner wouldn't be enjoyable. God bless you and have a great life."
I should have checked this thread out last night for your suggestions before I emailed him. He sort of backed me into a corner, and asked me to tell him the truth. I didn't want to be that direct, so I responded with "i really didn't' feel the connection, but I was told you can't really tell this thing on the first meeting, so it's up to you." I thought that would give him enough hint that I wasn't interested, but he agreed with me, and hoped that we can have dinner soon to find out............ahhhh. I wish I have a friend who's looking right now, because I'd definitely set him up with a friend. He seems genuinely nice and attractive, and he seems to be a genuine Christian. I normally like this type (manly and outdoorsy), but I don't know....I'm just not feeling it.
_____________________________
O Lord my God, When I in awesome wonder,
Consider all the worlds Thy Hands have made;
Then sings my soul, my Saviour God to Thee
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
<<<dogsledding at the Canadian Rockies
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) In a weak moment I might call him and I don't want to do that. 
) Sometimes the other person needs a little bit of silence in order to gather their thoughts... sometimes silence is very romantic.... 
Now talk about insecurities, I'm afraid I'm going to do something really stupid! It's an all-afternoon activity -- plenty of time to make lots of stupid mistakes. 
Who knows, maybe he was looking for an opportunity to talk to you. Don't worry about talking too much or too little. Maybe he's looking for someone just like you. 
