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Kicka, part 3 - 3/5/2008 1:27:44 PM
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TwinCityGirl
Posts: 1112
Joined: 4/12/2005
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Hi, ladies!
The Kicka, part 2 thread has now reached 100 pages! We need to start a new Kicka, part 3 so forum management can keep it a manageable size. Again, our thanks to Kath, Fritz and forum management for their support for this thread.
Here is a short summary of what Kicka is:
1. Kicka is a thread where you can discuss what's going on, issues going on, in-depth things you've been thinking about...whatever is on your mind.
2. This is a stickier point and I think that now most people do understand what this means and doesn't mean:
It's a fact there are any number of women on these forums who are engaged in a struggle to conceive a child. Due to sensitivities toward those women, I did ask that people not turn Kicka into "Here's what I do to get my child to sleep at night" or "When did you first feel your baby kick?"
It's not that those types of discussions aren't valid -- they absolutely ARE, and I understand why people have those discussions. HOWEVER, there are threads specifically designed for topics like that (the pregnancy thread, the post-partum thread, the breastfeeding thread, etc.) that are custom-made for women to discuss any and all issues pregnancy and child related.
What I have asked here in Kicka is merely that if you want to come here and talk about your child turning over for the first time -- that's great! We can celebrate that milestone with you, but let's not let that segue into the topic of the day. You ARE welcome to mention your pregnancy or mention your children. It's just if you're looking for lots of discussion or advice on those subjects, please see the corresponding threads in the Women Only folder instead.
Infertile people deal with other people's pregnancies and babies and children all the time. It's part of their life. But I just wanted to make sure we had a chat space here that wasn't child-centric or pregnancy-centric. If I am being unclear please let me know and I will offer further explanation.
3. Welcome to Kicka, Part 3, and thank you for your participation here and all the great discussion we have had up until now!
Jeanie
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RE: Kicka, part 3 - 3/5/2008 1:39:53 PM
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Nicole_Michelle
Posts: 2639
Joined: 8/22/2007
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quote:
Just say things like "It was nice to see you," or "See you next week." At least that way you haven't possibly "led someone on" if they are looking to make new friends or deepen acquaintanceships.
This is what we say when we just meet someone. It makes sense to say these instead of saying "lets get together" and then not mean it. 
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Nicole, I also believe people can be very interesting even if their life might seem ho-hum. Yes, building a kayak is cool, or ice climbing is cool -- but so is someone who enjoys their pets or likes to grow orchids or likes to read historical novels. We don't all have to live a life like a "Survivor" contestant in order to be interesting, right? Most of life IS ordinary -- eating, sleeping, cleaning....nobody is building a kayak AND cleaning their toilet and tub at the same time. Sometimes you just eat a sandwich instead of making that new recipe of squash enchiladas with tomatillo salsa. It's just how it goes.
I think people are interesting as long as they are friendly. I don't care if they are an adventurous person or if they like to stay at home all day cleaning their floors with a toothbrush. I don't think I am a boring person one little bit so it irks me when people (meaning Christians  ) seem to gravitate to Lorne and not me. It makes him mad and annoyed when they do this.
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As for us, we will be having a baby soon and most of the people we hang out with do not have children so our child will have to learn to play amongst the grownups, and we really enjoy good, meaty conversations so I can't imagine ditching our good friends solely for the purpose of finding people with children.
I wish more people were like you two! 
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Nicole, I am kind of shocked the church leaders were so rude. I mean, if they had a specific reason for going to lunch (like a meeting to discuss certain private matters), sure, that makes sense, but then wouldn't you say something like that "Oh, we'd love to invite you and Lorne to join us but we're having a business meeting of sorts...maybe some other time."
They were going out for lunch because they always hung out together. Nothing to do with meetings or whatnot. But then I found out that their conversations got pretty perverted and gossipy at these lunches so I am glad they didn't invite us afterall.  I would have probably just sat there looking annoyed.
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They now live in CO. and tell me often that they don't have too many friends out there either....people just don't want to have friends.
 Geez hey?
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but it's still not the same as having close one on one friends. Not the same, but definitely something that is needed sometimes.
Yup!
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Nicole...reading your post about being busy reminds me of the veggie tales song. Have you ever heard it?
I don't think so. How does it go?
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~Nicole~
For the love of photography - my blog
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RE: Kicka, part 3 - 3/5/2008 1:48:55 PM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 10420
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Cow country, Upstate NY
Status: online
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Lyrics to the Busy, Busy song. It's the VT version of the good Samaritan.
We have a few friends who either have no children, or whose children are all grown. They are very special to us. 
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<<-----------Brian + vacuum= sexy man!!
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RE: Kicka, part 3 - 3/5/2008 2:11:11 PM
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bride48
Posts: 5581
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Near Boston
Status: offline
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I am struggling to type today, but hopefully I'll comment on this friendship issue soon. I appreciate the various posts you ladies have made!
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Joyfully,
DebbieLynne
Thankfulness (my latest blog entry)
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RE: Kicka, part 3 - 3/5/2008 6:00:05 PM
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purejoy
Posts: 883
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: InBetweenDreams
About older friends...
Our entire bible study was older. They were in their late 30's and then into their 50's. I would have been just fine becoming really close to them, but they were rude at times and liked to make comments about how young were were.  We couldn't stand it when they would tell us that we are just babies so we don't know what they are talking about.  It hurt us both that none of them seemed to want to get close to us enough to become good friends because we were younger. Even "B" was like that after a while. I thought we were becoming good friends, but after a while it got annoying to be treated like a kid and not taken seriously.  My own mom doesn't even treat me like a child anymore so why do I want other people to.
The church we went to in our old town was like this. They put us in the "young" small group...which was people in their mid-30's that had a bunch of kids. Not a problem, and they're not old. But when we're 20 & 21, we were in a totally different place in life.
Now, at our new church, we're again the youngest couple (24 & almost 26). But there is such an appreciatation for our "youth." Honestly, some couples are mid-30's, most are my parent's age, and some are in their 80's. And we all get along great. But we all value and respect each other for where we're at, and for our different roles in the body of Christ.
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RE: Kicka, part 3 - 3/5/2008 6:28:11 PM
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bride48
Posts: 5581
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Near Boston
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I thought my problem making friends was due to my disability, plus living in New England. People here are very impatient with my speech defect. I've never had so much trouble getting people to understand me. Also, my mobility problems keep me from attending Bible studies. I moved here five and a half years ago to marry John, and still don't have either the quality or quantity of friendships that I had in San Francisco.
But reading this thread, it sounds like a lot of you are as lonely as I am. John wonders if technology breeds isolation. Interesting thought...
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Joyfully,
DebbieLynne
Thankfulness (my latest blog entry)
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RE: Kicka, part 3 - 3/5/2008 6:51:54 PM
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bride48
Posts: 5581
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Near Boston
Status: offline
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People in New England seldom care enough to make that choice. When I lived in Memphis, most people understood me pretty well.
_____________________________
Joyfully,
DebbieLynne
Thankfulness (my latest blog entry)
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RE: Kicka, part 3 - 3/5/2008 8:13:03 PM
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uponeagleswings
Posts: 1711
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Out here in the desert
Status: online
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I'm a big smelling the roses person. I wonder if Christians feel an extra obligation to be busy. Some of the busiest families that I know are that way partially because they're involved in lots of ministries at church. I could get behind the technology breeds isolation theory too.
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