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RE: The Meet Market - 7/22/2008 11:16:57 AM
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BugLady
Posts: 2461
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ChoirDJ
And we may not find Mr/Ms Right on one of the dating forums. That person could be right here monitoring our posts. You can never know for sure when and where God will bring that person into your life.
Hmmm..... I have had my hopes set on someone working with Homeland Security.
_____________________________
Importing foreign convicts; separate prosecution and penalty for each person imported.
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RE: The Meet Market - 7/22/2008 11:49:26 AM
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Jenny-Fair
Posts: 6288
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From: WA
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LOL
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Tony: Ziva, did you kill Houdini?
Ziva: It is possible. I do not remember all their names.
My Blog
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RE: The Meet Market - 7/22/2008 6:20:03 PM
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okrox
Posts: 157
Joined: 4/28/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ChoirDJ
Great post Roxie! I would have to say the single most important factor in finding a mate is the attitude we portray online because it speaks volumes about who we are inside and out. And we may not find Mr/Ms Right on one of the dating forums. That person could be right here monitoring our posts. You can never know for sure when and where God will bring that person into your life.
This whole dating thing (I'm not dating or looking to date anytime soon btw) reminds me of the Story of Naaman in 2 Kings 5. He was the guy that had leprosy and he took great courage when he learned from a Israelite slave that his leprosy could be healed. Notice Vs. 10-12 "Elisha sent a messenger to say to him, "go wash yourself seven times in the Jordan, and your flesh will be restored and you will be cleansed." But Naaman went away angry..." If we read further on, Naaman had an expectation about how his healing was supposed to happen and it didn't happen according to his expectations. He expected Elisha to come out, wave his hand over the spot, and cure him instantly. He got angry when Elisha sent a messenger to him with the instruction to dip himself seven times in the Jordan and he was about to walk away...except for the wise counsel of his servants, who talked some sense into him. Naaman humbled himself, changed his attitude and submitted to the God's plan although it seemed ridiculous and unrealistic...and he was healed of his leprosy. He almost missed it due to his pride but he hung in there and received the blessing of his lifetime.
You're probably wondering what does have to do with singlehood. Afterall singlehood isn't some disease that we need to be cured of right? No, it isn't an illness but God would still like to bless many of us by taking away our status as singles based on our desires. The question is are you and I modern day Naamans in that we are limiting the Almighty Creator with our wayward attitudes? Are we missing out on what God wants to do because we have our own preconceived ideas about how God is going to lead us to Mr/Ms Right? Maybe we have this check off list of qualities Mr/Ms Right must have before we will even consider him/her. Like Namaan, God may be holding off on blessing us while He continues to deal with our attitudes. We think we know what we need but God created us and He knows exactly what we need in a mate. I've thrown away my list of what I think my future spouse should have because I've been there, done that, and I botched it up royally the first time. I've asked God to continue working on me with the things I need to change in order to take the woman's hand He has already selected for me if/when that time comes...And i have no idea where and when that person and I will cross paths but I am not going to say where we wont cross paths. It may be in the ministry I attend, an event, an online dating site, the grocery store...or who knows...even here.
May God bless.
Now that's a great post, choirDJ. I love love love love that you brought Naaman up. Perfect example, I think.
I think you have a terrific attitude, too. Right down to the giving it a little time before you jump in. When the time is right, you'll be ready.
_____________________________
Redeeming love has been my theme, and shall be 'til I die.
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RE: The Meet Market - 7/22/2008 8:24:43 PM
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ChoirDJ
Posts: 473
Joined: 6/15/2006
From: So Cal
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Thanks Roxie...I hope the situation with the man you're seeing blossoms as well.
_____________________________
"Sin will take you further than you intended to go, keep you there longer than you intended to stay, and cost you more than you intended to spend." Got it?
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RE: The Meet Market - 7/22/2008 11:25:46 PM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 2586
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From: The little house in the prairie
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Question for those of you who have been trying to meet potentials online:
If someone contacted you and you really really don't like what he looks like and can't see yourself developing any attraction towards him even though his profile sounds good, would you continue to talk/chat with him? Would that mean you're showing him some sort of hope? Or would you just be honest right away and wish him luck in his search? How about if you like the look, but nothing in his profile suggests you have anything in common? How would you deal with that?
I'd prefer if someone doesn't think we'd be a good match for whatever reason (looks, incompatibility, goals, etc), that he would let me know right away.
_____________________________
O Lord my God, When I in awesome wonder,
Consider all the worlds Thy Hands have made;
I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder
Thy power through out the universe displayed
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
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RE: The Meet Market - 7/22/2008 11:34:07 PM
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BugLady
Posts: 2461
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quote:
If someone contacted you and you really really don't like what he looks like and can't see yourself developing any attraction towards him even though his profile sounds good, would you continue to talk/chat with him?
I think you can keep in mind that sometimes pictures are deceiving. Some people look much better in person than they do in photos for some reason. Plus, some guys are clueless about how their photos make them look, and they don't realize it's not a flattering shot. A basic head shot may actually look like a basic mug shot. No offense guys, just an observation I've made.
_____________________________
Importing foreign convicts; separate prosecution and penalty for each person imported.
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RE: The Meet Market - 7/22/2008 11:40:28 PM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 2586
Joined: 12/11/2007
From: The little house in the prairie
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quote:
ORIGINAL: BugLady
quote:
If someone contacted you and you really really don't like what he looks like and can't see yourself developing any attraction towards him even though his profile sounds good, would you continue to talk/chat with him?
I think you can keep in mind that sometimes pictures are deceiving. Some people look much better in person than they do in photos for some reason. Plus, some guys are clueless about how their photos make them look, and they don't realize it's not a flattering shot. A basic head shot may actually look like a basic mug shot. No offense guys, just an observation I've made.
Yeah, that's true. I'm not necessarily talking about his face. How about if he's really short (not that there's anything wrong with being short; I'm just not attracted to short men), or if he's got a big pot belly that makes him look like he's drinks like a fish, or anything that you don't find particularly appealing?
_____________________________
O Lord my God, When I in awesome wonder,
Consider all the worlds Thy Hands have made;
I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder
Thy power through out the universe displayed
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
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RE: The Meet Market - 7/22/2008 11:57:19 PM
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BugLady
Posts: 2461
Joined: 12/5/2005
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You know, I really don't know. I'm not much of an online dater. What I have done has been more experimental and a means of exercising my discernment. Is it wrong to try and connect with other believers on a dating site? Does it always have to lead to dating? Does the end goal have to be marriage? Can't people just develop friendships? I mean when you think about it some sites are kinda designed just to weed people out right away. If you wouldn't marry 'em, don't talk to 'em. I wonder is that the way it should be? Relationships of all types need time to develop, in my opinion. You don't want to lead anyone on, but is it leading someone on to just open up dialogue with them? If you are direct in your interactions, you can always establish boundaries. Afterall, if they are another believer you do have that in common. But like I said, I don't really know.
_____________________________
Importing foreign convicts; separate prosecution and penalty for each person imported.
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RE: The Meet Market - 7/23/2008 1:15:34 AM
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ChoirDJ
Posts: 473
Joined: 6/15/2006
From: So Cal
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quote:
Relationships of all types need time to develop, in my opinion. You don't want to lead anyone on, but is it leading someone on to just open up dialogue with them? If you are direct in your interactions, you can always establish boundaries.
Prairie...I agree with Buglady on this part. How often do we hear of stories where Person A was attracted to the other Person B but the feelings weren't mutual intitially? Then Person B starts to develop an attraction to Person A and they end up getting married. Just because someone doesn't give you goosebumps initially doesn't mean you wont be attracted to them later on down the line. My vote...keep the door open for a friendship and be clear about your intentions. If your intentions change...Great. If not, then you were up front about how you felt in the first place.
Let me express another thought along those lines. As I see it, there are 4 Catergories when it comes to dating.
1). Wrong Person, Wrong Time - You come across the wrong person at the wrong time for either you or the other person. Nothing happens. Ladies, this is the weirdo that makes that inappropriate comment.
2). Wrong Person, Right Time - You come across the wrong person at the right time for either one of you. Nothing happens because you and that person are incompatible. This could also be the weirdo or someone you have absolutely nothing in common with.
3). Right Person, Wrong Time - You come across the right person but at the wrong time for either you or him. Let me elaborate on this one because this one is very important. Perhaps you've met Mr. Right but Mr. Right still has a little maturing to do before he's ready for a relationship. There's a natural tendency to scratch Mr. Right off the list at this point because we are ready for a relationship RIGHT NOW. What about 9 months or a year from now when Mr Right or Ms Right has dealt with many of those issues. You missed out because you didn't at least keep the door open for a friendship. Mr Right goes on to become someone else's Mr Right (lol). My advice...think twice before you hit the "next" button. Communicate with Mr. Right about what your concerns are and see how he deals with them. Maybe the hang up is with you and you realize you're not quite ready for a relationship yet. Communicate to Mr. Right about where you are at and he may be surprisingly understanding and willing to give you some space.
4). Right Person, Right Time - You come across the right person at the right time for both of you. This is what everyone is looking for here and it's great when you find it. Right? Of course, but keep in mind though that just because the timing is not right (I.e., #3) that doesn't mean you have not already met Mr Right.
What do you all think?
< Message edited by ChoirDJ -- 7/23/2008 1:23:39 AM >
_____________________________
"Sin will take you further than you intended to go, keep you there longer than you intended to stay, and cost you more than you intended to spend." Got it?
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RE: The Meet Market - 7/23/2008 7:58:20 AM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 2586
Joined: 12/11/2007
From: The little house in the prairie
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DJ and Budlady,
the thing is you met at a dating service, not through other means where your intention isn't as clear. Most people who posts at dating services are very clear about wanting to find someone to date, and not just be friends. I'm one of those. I have friends elsewhere.
I'll respond to those scenerio that DJ presented later. Right person, wrong time? Hmmm...a lot of affairs use that reasoning for their affairs.
_____________________________
O Lord my God, When I in awesome wonder,
Consider all the worlds Thy Hands have made;
I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder
Thy power through out the universe displayed
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
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RE: The Meet Market - 7/23/2008 9:50:10 AM
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ChoirDJ
Posts: 473
Joined: 6/15/2006
From: So Cal
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quote:
the thing is you met at a dating service, not through other means where your intention isn't as clear. Most people who posts at dating services are very clear about wanting to find someone to date, and not just be friends. I'm one of those. I have friends elsewhere.
And who says you can't adjust your intentions midstream? You may find somebody who is a potential match but still needs a little seasoning around the edges. If that person is willing to remain a friend as he works on those issues then Great. If not, then he gets scratched of the list.
quote:
I'll respond to those scenerio that DJ presented later. Right person, wrong time? Hmmm...a lot of affairs use that reasoning for their affairs.
I would argue that a person who commits an affair falls in the wrong person, wrong time. He/she is willing to breach marital vows (wrong person due to very poor character) and he/she is willing to get involved when one or both persons are attached (wrong time).
_____________________________
"Sin will take you further than you intended to go, keep you there longer than you intended to stay, and cost you more than you intended to spend." Got it?
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RE: The Meet Market - 7/26/2008 3:40:52 PM
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humbleinspirit
Posts: 18135
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: Just Outside of Boston
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
Question for those of you who have been trying to meet potentials online:
If someone contacted you and you really really don't like what he looks like and can't see yourself developing any attraction towards him even though his profile sounds good, would you continue to talk/chat with him? Would that mean you're showing him some sort of hope? Or would you just be honest right away and wish him luck in his search? How about if you like the look, but nothing in his profile suggests you have anything in common? How would you deal with that?
I'd prefer if someone doesn't think we'd be a good match for whatever reason (looks, incompatibility, goals, etc), that he would let me know right away.
I would maybe try to give it a shot just to be sure. Pictures do not always do someone justice, but then again sometimes pictures look better than the actual person themselves as well.
_____________________________
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RE: The Meet Market - 7/26/2008 7:44:02 PM
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gaylel1
Posts: 1258
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Southern California, the land of Fruit and nuts...
Status: offline
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I want to ask everyone a question about this--you meet someone, you quit your job for that person, move and this person after a while says, "They are not interested anymore." And yes, you left with no job prospects nor anyone to help you. Has anyone who did this online dating thing know of anyone who were promised the "moon" and then the bucket fell out?
The reason why I'm posting this is because there was a lady who invested much time in a relationship and even quit her job wanting to be with the one she loved. Then the man broke the engagment, resulting in her suing the gentleman and yes, she got her money out of the suit.
But has anyone experiened this kind of thing?
_____________________________
Hear "The Truth" with the "other"l Jeff Johnson(http://www.calvarydowney.org)
Visit me at http:www.gayleplace.blogspot.com or http://www.myspace.com/gaylel121
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RE: The Meet Market - 7/26/2008 7:53:50 PM
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ShallbeRebuilt
Posts: 2105
Joined: 11/8/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: gaylel1
I want to ask everyone a question about this--you meet someone, you quit your job for that person, move and this person after a while says, "They are not interested anymore." And yes, you left with no job prospects nor anyone to help you. Has anyone who did this online dating thing know of anyone who were promised the "moon" and then the bucket fell out?
The reason why I'm posting this is because there was a lady who invested much time in a relationship and even quit her job wanting to be with the one she loved. Then the man broke the engagment, resulting in her suing the gentleman and yes, she got her money out of the suit.
But has anyone experiened this kind of thing?
I got a question to ask right back at you...
How WISE was it for her to make those decisions to quit her job and move?
Not very.
Gayle, I get your point. Many, many people get your point. Love IS a risk...every time, whether it's online or in real life. God made it that way. If you want to talk about that with someone, HE would be the person to ask about it.
But because I've heard this soooo many times, I'm choosing to no longer read or respond to these type posts.
besiderself
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RE: The Meet Market - 7/26/2008 8:41:10 PM
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ChoirDJ
Posts: 473
Joined: 6/15/2006
From: So Cal
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I personally don't know of anyone who has experienced something like that. I think that's probably why a lot of people on this forum have stated they wouldn't get involved with someone who is not close enough in proximity to have an IRL relationship. Afterall, someone has to uproot if the persons live too far apart and that is an incredible risk to take. That woman's situation is very unfortunate indeed but it's good justice was ultimately served.
_____________________________
"Sin will take you further than you intended to go, keep you there longer than you intended to stay, and cost you more than you intended to spend." Got it?
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RE: The Meet Market - 7/26/2008 8:47:09 PM
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BugLady
Posts: 2461
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline
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Justice isn't necessarily served yet. I'm not even sure it's justice. Afterall, she made the choice to move and take a lower paying job. I don't know the facts of the case, but unless there's clear evidence of him defrauding her, there's always the possibility he could win on appeal...
edit of typo for my OCD friends. It is necessarily not necessrily =)
< Message edited by BugLady -- 7/26/2008 11:07:46 PM >
_____________________________
Importing foreign convicts; separate prosecution and penalty for each person imported.
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RE: The Meet Market - 7/26/2008 11:01:53 PM
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Jenny-Fair
Posts: 6288
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: WA
Status: offline
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quote:
The reason why I'm posting this is because there was a lady who invested much time in a relationship and even quit her job wanting to be with the one she loved. Then the man broke the engagment, resulting in her suing the gentleman and yes, she got her money out of the suit.
I knew a gal who moved to Europe to be with the guy she met online. After two months she just couldn't hack it, so she moved back and went to work for my dad. Then she met another guy online and moved across the state to be with HIM....
_____________________________
Tony: Ziva, did you kill Houdini?
Ziva: It is possible. I do not remember all their names.
My Blog
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RE: The Meet Market - 7/28/2008 4:00:02 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8030
Joined: 9/5/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: gaylel1
I want to ask everyone a question about this--you meet someone, you quit your job for that person, move and this person after a while says, "They are not interested anymore." And yes, you left with no job prospects nor anyone to help you. Has anyone who did this online dating thing know of anyone who were promised the "moon" and then the bucket fell out?
The reason why I'm posting this is because there was a lady who invested much time in a relationship and even quit her job wanting to be with the one she loved. Then the man broke the engagment, resulting in her suing the gentleman and yes, she got her money out of the suit.
But has anyone experiened this kind of thing?
When I met M I lived 12 hours driving time away from her. Rather than either one of us moving to work on the relationship we decided to work on the relationship long distance. We dated for about a year, talking almost nightly. I'd visit her or she'd visit me about once every three weeks to a month. After a few months (about 3) I knew that I loved her and wanted to spend my life with her. I proposed at Christmas time.
I was able to find a job near her with the organization that I work for. We were married August 1 and my transfer came through Oct 1.
I know that long distance relationships can work well. But no one should ever move without a job and some security involved. (Unless of course, like in our case, it was after the wedding). It's just not wise.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: The Meet Market - 7/28/2008 8:03:58 PM
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Roelie
Posts: 17
Joined: 6/30/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
quote:
ORIGINAL: gaylel1
quote:
I know that long distance relationships can work well. But no one should ever move without a job and some security involved. (Unless of course, like in our case, it was after the wedding). It's just not wise.
I do agree with this. I do think that long distance relationships can work, but there is also common sense that needs to be involved. I have myself previously joined a internet dating service (with no results), but realize that if God provided someone, that He would also provide the wisdom in moving..........this would not be something taken lightly. There is so much to consider and it certainly would have to be God's will for me to move............
_____________________________
2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.
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RE: The Meet Market - 7/28/2008 9:36:13 PM
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kj88il
Posts: 2046
Joined: 3/3/2008
From: IL (NW Central)
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Cute-N-Sassy
quote:
ORIGINAL: okrox
Oh! Oh! OH!!!!.......
Somebody, please try farmersonly.com.
Look at what their site says:
ONLINE DATING & FRIENDSHIP FINDER
for down to earth country singles
Farmers, Ranchers, Ag Students & all of Agriculture
Horse, Livestock Owners & all Animal Lovers
Cowboys, Cowgirls, Rodeo Fans and Country Wannabes
"You don't have to be a farmer, but you do have to
have good old-fashioned down to earth values."
- Jerry Miller, Founder
If I have to get back online (which...I'm kinda hoping....maybe...I won't...remember, God told me to just Sit Still?) but if I do, I'm going to try it.
How about you, besiderself? Wouldn't you like an evening on a John Deere with a nice farming man? Or what about you, fearnoevil...couldn't you see yourself feeding the chickens with some sweet farm girl?
Somebody's gotta try this and let us know!
Ok, you got me. I'll try this out even though I'm not a farmer. But wouldn't it be cool if someone would join me?
ETA: While I'm doing laundry, I thought I'd check this site out. It's not that bad... they're not all farmers. The profiles are short & succinct and they tell you how good of a match you are to the others' ideals. It does include a section for "religion" but in my opinion, this is pretty weak. It's not a Christian site but there are probably Christians here. Just be careful. You get a 3-day free trial when you sign up.
You can send mail, send a flirt, add them to your friends list, or tip off another user about that person.
My search included a radius of 250 miles and included a certain age range of individuals with pictures; it returned only 72 matches. When I included all ages, it went up to 304, so it's a small site. The payments are very reasonable... one year costs only $45.
have you tried the farmer site, yet, michelle? i just read about it....i'd try it! i was a farm gal...and i do love me a cowboy!
_____________________________
Kimberly (aka KJ)
Shifing Gears w/ Kimberly
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RE: The Meet Market - 7/28/2008 10:06:28 PM
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Grace-N-Mercy
Posts: 6512
Joined: 5/2/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: kj88il
quote:
ORIGINAL: Cute-N-Sassy
quote:
ORIGINAL: okrox
Oh! Oh! OH!!!!.......
Somebody, please try farmersonly.com.
Look at what their site says:
ONLINE DATING & FRIENDSHIP FINDER
for down to earth country singles
Farmers, Ranchers, Ag Students & all of Agriculture
Horse, Livestock Owners & all Animal Lovers
Cowboys, Cowgirls, Rodeo Fans and Country Wannabes
"You don't have to be a farmer, but you do have to
have good old-fashioned down to earth values."
- Jerry Miller, Founder
If I have to get back online (which...I'm kinda hoping....maybe...I won't...remember, God told me to just Sit Still?) but if I do, I'm going to try it.
How about you, besiderself? Wouldn't you like an evening on a John Deere with a nice farming man? Or what about you, fearnoevil...couldn't you see yourself feeding the chickens with some sweet farm girl?
Somebody's gotta try this and let us know!
Ok, you got me. I'll try this out even though I'm not a farmer. But wouldn't it be cool if someone would join me?
ETA: While I'm doing laundry, I thought I'd check this site out. It's not that bad... they're not all farmers. The profiles are short & succinct and they tell you how good of a match you are to the others' ideals. It does include a section for "religion" but in my opinion, this is pretty weak. It's not a Christian site but there are probably Christians here. Just be careful. You get a 3-day free trial when you sign up.
You can send mail, send a flirt, add them to your friends list, or tip off another user about that person.
My search included a radius of 250 miles and included a certain age range of individuals with pictures; it returned only 72 matches. When I included all ages, it went up to 304, so it's a small site. The payments are very reasonable... one year costs only $45.
have you tried the farmer site, yet, michelle? i just read about it....i'd try it! i was a farm gal...and i do love me a cowboy!
Yup!! I just went through my three free days and exchanged emails with a couple of guys. One was a pharmacist who moved out of the big city into the country and now raises a large garden. I think his free-time expired before we got too far.
Try it!!
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RE: The Meet Market - 7/29/2008 12:18:18 AM
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trinigirl722
Posts: 331
Joined: 4/8/2007
From: Dallas, TX
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: gaylel1
I want to ask everyone a question about this--you meet someone, you quit your job for that person, move and this person after a while says, "They are not interested anymore." And yes, you left with no job prospects nor anyone to help you. Has anyone who did this online dating thing know of anyone who were promised the "moon" and then the bucket fell out?
The reason why I'm posting this is because there was a lady who invested much time in a relationship and even quit her job wanting to be with the one she loved. Then the man broke the engagment, resulting in her suing the gentleman and yes, she got her money out of the suit.
But has anyone experiened this kind of thing?
I vaguely remember hearing of a similar situtation where a woman moved to a different state to date someone she met online only to learn that the man's divorce was not final (or something like that). I think she was able to find employment there but was obviously devastated. When she confronted him, he finally admitted that he thought she was "hot" and wanted to get to know her better. Yikes! 
I also know a woman IRL, though, who reconnected with a man she'd known since she was a teenager, when they were neighbors. They were both in their 40s, both divorced (I think) and lived in different states. They dated long distance, and she finally moved to his state to marry him, only to discover after the marriage that he was an alcoholic. And this with their families knowing each other for years. So I guess the moral to that story is to be very, very careful no matter where you meet someone and make sure you observe them in the midst of daily life before making any commitment.
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