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RE: Teton Rambler - 10/18/2005 5:31:42 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
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From: Currently . . . San Francisco
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Well, I'm supposed to be working on other projects at the moment . . .
A while ago, I decided that it was once again, time to deep-clean my electric grain & veggie steamer (and all-round great leftover warmer-upper).
To deep clean my steamer, I dump an unknown quantity of baking soda through the water resevoir and also in the bottom of the steamer itself. I then pour about 6 cups of white vinegar into the steamer via the water resevoir.
So far, so good.
THEN, I put the lid on, turn the steamer on and let the steamer steam the cleaning solution I've just created . . . usually for about 30 minutes. Since it's been a while since I've deep cleaned the thing, today I chose 45 minutes as the appropriate amount of time.
White vinegar and baking soda is a great all-around cleanser. It cleans; it deodorizes; it gets the entire job done quite magnificently.
However, the, uhm, fragrance of boiling, hot white vinegar is, shall we say, less than ideal.
My kitchen -- the place where I was going to proceed with my next project -- is, at the moment, uninhabitable. 
So I thought I'd come to Crosswalk and let the steamer do its job uninterupted . . .
_____________________________
Hey there! This is Sharon-Marie, and you have reached my signature. I may not be here for a while; but if you'd like, please leave a message over in that ramblin’ thread.
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RE: Teton Rambler - 10/18/2005 5:32:49 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 25986
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Currently . . . San Francisco
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Nutsy and Maggie
My yard is surrounded with trees . . . apple blossoms, cherry blossoms, crab-apples, aspens, evergreens . . . and a few trees and bushes I haven't yet identified. Because of all these wonderful creations, I get to view some really beautiful colors in my yard during various times of the year. Right now, my yard is full of golds and greens and splotches of red (the red being the crab apples). Very, Very pretty.
Also, because of all these trees, my yard is quite the playground for various animals . . . stray and not-so-stray cats that visit from time to time, multitudes of different birds - and even squirrels.
Thus, enter Nutsy (squirrel) and Maggie (magpie).
It's a beautiful day today out here in the shadows of the Magnificent Grand Tetons. Clear, blue, sunny skies with a crisp coolness in the air.
As I was washing dishes a while ago and looking out my kitchen window (which is about 12' long), Nutsy was being quite the entertainer. Up a bush; hop to a tree; leap to the tipi and scurry up to the top. Come down a tipi pole; wander around the cooking pit of the tipi; then hop from bench to chair to lawn swing to bush to tri-wheeler bike to rock to rock to tree, ad infinitum. Chattering all the while. I must admit, watching him on his rounds gave me an abundance of clarity to the term, "squirrely."
I should take a moment right here to add that Misty, my babygirl cat, does not in the least like Nutsy. In fact, she's afraid of him. If she's outside doing her wannabe cougar-kitty things and Nutsy starts yelling at her, she'll cry until I come "rescue" her. Silly girl (Misty, not me - at least not in this instance).
After about 10 minutes of freedom and solace, Maggie decided to join Nutsy in his fun.
He was not amused.
I'm still trying to figure out which one came out the victor; he'd tried to run her off; she would just move to another area . . . which compounded Nutsy's annoyance at her . . . and off he'd go again, trying to shoo her away; trying being the operative word; never quite realizing true success, though.
By the way, I think magpies get a bad rap. Nobody I knows like them . . . except me. I think they're absolutely beautiful! And it's not true that magpies run away all the other birds; at least it's not true in my little corner of the world. Years ago, CS built a "restaurant" for all the various birds that would visit our yard from time-to-time. He named it "Blue Bird Cafe" and even routed a wooden sign saying such. The sign still hangs from its establishment. As with the human tourist season here, there's more birds visiting us in the summertime than any other time of year.
All the birds eat at his restaurant; all of them, except for the magpies. They prefer to have their meals on the ground. They don't bother all the "other" birds and the other birds don't bother the magpies. Peaceful co-existence!
I'm very blessed to have been able to live where I have for the past few years. I will always be grateful to Abba for providing such a blissful hideaway. No matter where life may take me from here, I will carry with me very happy memories of this place; both memories of CS & our life together and also memories of the peacefulness and beauty of my surroundings.
Thank you, Jesus.
You have and are, indeed, providing for all my needs!
_____________________________
Hey there! This is Sharon-Marie, and you have reached my signature. I may not be here for a while; but if you'd like, please leave a message over in that ramblin’ thread.
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RE: Teton Rambler - 10/26/2005 9:16:34 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 25986
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From: Currently . . . San Francisco
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Y'ALL
One of the things that I was going to post about earlier today is . . . Y'all!
Quite unexpectedly early this morning, I found myself re-reading y'all's chat thread with me . . . Ramblin' Thru the Tetons with Shar-Mar . . . specifically from earlier this summer . . . I began on page 8. Even as I was re-reading the various posts, I was asking myself why I was doing that and telling myself that I probably didn't need to be doing what I was doing.
Then, came my first post of June 13th . . . and all the memories from that day and the ensuing first few weeks just came back, full-force . . . as did the tears. More memories; more tears.
"This was definitely not a good idea, Sharon-Marie," I'm thinking to myself.
But then I saw the next post and the next, the next and so on. Those posts were from y'all. Hugs, affirmations of love, prayers, more hugs, more affirmations; many more prayers. Sweet, precious, treasured memories of how Y'ALL carried me through those first few hours, days, weeks . . . and even now.
My re-reading those posts then led me to re-read the entire condolence thread from y'all to me . . . Our Deepest Condolences . . .
I know I've mentioned this before . . . please bear with me . . . I am literally realizing and walking through the most painful time period of my entire life. The past few weeks have been quite difficult. Various stress issues bring painful memories (and even the happy memories can be painful right now). The painful memories bring more stress.
No, I'm not wallowing in the grief; please don't worry. Neither am I ignoring it. I do what I have to, to get through it and then I go on with the next aspect of my day. "Doing what I have to" usually entails tears and prayers to Abba; usually at the same time; not always, but usually. 
Quite honestly, sometimes "doing what I have to do" entails my just shutting out the world for a while . . . which was causing more stress (what about being a "responsible adult") . . . UNTIL I realized what a Blessing from Abba it is that I am able to do that when I need to. It gives me "sorting-out" time that I truly don't think I could do without.
And then there's Y'ALL. Y'all have let me be who I need to be at any given moment . . . silly, serious, sad, whatever. Y'all have been there for me . . . have helped me so tremendously get through these past few months.
All this to say, to Y'ALL . . .
I really don't think many of y'all will ever be able to realize what a lifeline Abba gave to me through y'all. I am deeply appreciative to so many of y'all and I am so very grateful for Jesus in how He has taken care of me through all this. I feel incredibly loved . . . and I truly hope that y'all, in turn, know how much I love you . . . individually and collectively.
Many, Many Abundant Blessings everyone!
HIS Peace and HIS Joy!
Sharon-Marie
_____________________________
Hey there! This is Sharon-Marie, and you have reached my signature. I may not be here for a while; but if you'd like, please leave a message over in that ramblin’ thread.
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RE: Teton Rambler - 10/30/2005 9:49:57 AM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 25986
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Currently . . . San Francisco
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Does Jesus Shine Forth From You?
Hi y'all,
In order to not violate a TOS and take a particular thread off subject, I am posting "this" here, in my blog.
The link to the thread that I'm actually responding to is this:
http://forums.crosswalk.com/m_568871/mpage_2/key_/tm.htm#578791
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I'm pretty new to the music forum (that's really an understatement - I just started visiting "Music" about an hour ago). 
This thread has deeply saddened me.
John in the VW Bus - I just gave your post 2 stars; Excellent post. Before I came upon it, I was thinking that none of us should be exclaiming who is going to hell. First of all, that Judgement is reserved for Abba alone. Next, Jesus tells us that it doesn't matter how long a person has "belonged" to Him; whether one second or a lifetime - if a person truly professes to have given their life to Christ, HE accepts that (and no, I'm not quoting verbatim; I paraphrasing one of His parables). Madonna may very well end her life here on earth as a Christian; none of us can claim we know differently.
If anyone feels so adamantly (one way or another) about a particular person's life, . . . instead of proclaiming (and perhaps erroneously so) where that person is going to spend their eternity, please pray for them. My past is, uhm, to say the least, quite completely opposite of how Abba wanted me to live. But people prayed for me. They loved me through all that junk. And they continued to pray for me. I literally owe my life, the one I have now, to people's prayers . . . and most especially to Jesus because He never abandoned me.
I'm not saying that you have to be Madonna's best friend (or anyone else's best friend). I'm not saying that you have to agree with her lifestyle. I am saying that the most Christ-like thing anyone can do for Madonna is to pray for her, if you feel led. If you don't feel led to pray for her, perhaps remaining silent would be the best thing. Mocking her on a public Christian forum isn't going to do anything EXCEPT prove to non-Christians how "hateful" Christians can be sometimes. How is that pointing toward the Love of Christ?
And one more point, before I end this post: NO ONE is sinless. In Jesus' eyes, sin is sin; there is no worse nor less sin. WE ALL have fallen -and many times continue to fall- short of God's Glory. Perhaps those of you who so easily bash and judge someone should earnestly pray that Abba have much more mercy towards you than you have shown towards the people you are judging.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
For the record, I'm not a Madonna fan; never have been . . . not of her music, nor of her lifestyle. But she still is a human being - as am I and as are you.
Actually, this post really isn't about Madonna; I don't give her a lot of thought one way or another.
What this post REALLY IS ABOUT is how we, who profess to be followers of Jesus, treat people - whether an individual person or even an entire people group. Are we doing what we're doing, (and thinking and saying) solely in and because of HIS Love & HIS Mercy . . . solely in and because of HIM totally and completely and for no other reason?
Thanks for reading. Anyone who would like to comment on this post is certainly welcomed to do so - in "my" chat thread. You'll find the link below; it's the one titled, "YOURS". The name of the thread is "Ramblin' Thru the Tetons with Shar-Mar."
Abundant Blessings everyone.
HIS Peace and HIS Joy!
Sharon-Marie
_____________________________
Hey there! This is Sharon-Marie, and you have reached my signature. I may not be here for a while; but if you'd like, please leave a message over in that ramblin’ thread.
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RE: Teton Rambler - 11/3/2005 10:28:54 AM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 25986
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Currently . . . San Francisco
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November 3, 1938
Had he lived, CS and I would be celebrating his birthday today.
Rest in Peace, Sweetie.
I miss you.
I love you.
_____________________________
Hey there! This is Sharon-Marie, and you have reached my signature. I may not be here for a while; but if you'd like, please leave a message over in that ramblin’ thread.
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RE: Teton Rambler - 11/14/2005 9:42:29 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 25986
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Currently . . . San Francisco
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The Surrealisms and Contradictions
of Suicide
Yesterday (11/13/05) marked the 5th month since CS took his life.
Please bear with me as I, once again, mention that this summer has truly been the hardest and most painful time period of my entire life as I walk through the after-effects of what happened.
I'm no stranger to death; I have grieved the passing of many people throughout the years. And as I've also mentioned before, some of those were suicides.
As much as I truly loved all those individuals, I wasn't in love with any of them . . . except CS. I'm quite very sure that explains the depth of grief that I have found myself in since June 13th. The man who I had pledged my life to; the man who I loved with my entire being died . . . and he did so by his own hands.
There are so many surrealisms and contradictions surrounding CS's death. I imagine many of these are applicable to anyone who takes their own life.
. . . CS was quite a collector of things (amusingly and ironically, I am a minimalist). For various reasons, I've been going through the house cataloguing and packing up all his stuff. Several times, I've had the pleasure of discovering some of his writings . . . quips, poems, musings, biographies, autobiographies and even ramblings (the latter definitely being a commonality we both shared regarding the written word ).
How in the world can a man who loved life so completely, so vivasciously, so incredibly deeply . . . as was astonishingly evident through his written words (and also in the utter beauty of his photographs) . . . bring his very own life to an end?
How can a man who was, without exaggeration, the most gentle and kindest person I've ever met commit such a violent act against himself?
. . . Through my rummagings, one of the things I learned this summer about CS was his "popularity" in his high school days. It was a fun realization; although I really wasn't "surprised" . . . based on his "popularity" during the years that I knew him and based on what people have told me about him. Two things about this that I did know was how embarassed he always was by all that "hoopla" as he called it . . . and how baffled he was as to why he was the recipient of such hoopla.
In his high school days, CS was his junior class president, his senior class vice president, yearbook editor for a couple of years and he was also involved in the drama and glee clubs. Additionally, he was the "in-charge" person of all the reunions his class has had over the years (2006 will be his class 50th Reunion).
There were 20+ people in CS's graduation class; I've had the pleasure of meeting, knowing and even in some cases becoming friends with several of them; and even with many of his friends in the next couple of graduating classes. CS's "oldest" ongoing friendship went back 62 years.
I have met many other people who have known CS for 30, 40 and even 50+ years; everyone telling me how much they loved him and how important he was in their lives.
How can a person be so loved, so cherished by so many people and not realize it?
"Suicide is selfish." I have said this many times throughout the years. I still believe it. Suicide IS selfish. The pain of grieving a suicide is beyond horrendous.
However . . . that's a pretty judgmental statement. I knew CS was suffering; I knew the depths of his pain were intensely deep. I knew this. I saw his suffering. I felt it. I held him as he cried. Sometimes I cried with him; many times I cried alone - because I didn't want to needlessly burden him.
I knew he was suffering. So how can I say that suicide is selfish when I knew how much pain he was in? Isn't it selfish of me to say such a thing?
Chemical Depression is a disease. A disease just like cancer or any other disease that attacks the body. The difference is that Chemical Depression attacks the mind . . . and we, as a people, are still pretty unsure of how to respond to diseases of the mind . . . the stigmas and all.
. . . I knew and KNOW, even today, that CS loved me very much. He loved me and he was in love with me. I heard it often from him . . . and these past few months, some of his closer friends have been sharing with me some of CS's private conversations with them concerning how he felt about me. It's been such a healing blessing for them to do that. My heart is full of such gratitude towards them for telling me these beautiful things.
And then there's the "casual observer." I have been told several times this summer how people loved to see CS and I walking about town together and how evident our love for each other was.
How can a man who truly does love me cause such intense perpetual pain in me by doing something with such finality and leaving me with no other choice but to accept it and go on?
Surviving a spousal suicide is like being divorced without being able to have any input. I feel abandoned. Neglected. Yet, I know that this wasn't CS's intent. He wasn't leaving me; he was trying to escape the pain.
"Sharon-Marie, Baby I'm sorry, but this depression has become more than I can bear."
That's the first sentence of the note he left.
"I love you and I always will."
Those were his very last words that he spoke to me. They were also another sentence of his note.
I love you, too, CS . . . and I know I always will. My "always" is still going on. Did your "always" stop when you took your life? You still exist . . . in my mind, in my memories, in my heart you exist. Your photography and your collections are evidence of you; they're part of your legacy. Do I still exist for you?
"I love you, too, Sweetie. Have a peaceful quiet time."
Ironically, THOSE were my last words he ever heard me say to him. I didn't know he was on his way to end his life; I thought he was just going to go have some quiet time.
CS, are you in HIS Peace now? Have you found rest? Have you found a respite from the pain? My very ernest prayer is that you have. I cannot bear contemplating anything else.
There so many questions. The answers will not, tangibly, be found here on earth. The only thing I can do with these questions is to give them to Jesus and to ask, again and as often as I must, for HIS Healing in my heart and for HIS Peace in my mind and for HIS Comfort in my soul . . . and that HIS Joy is still within me.
Thank You, Jesus for YOU; thank You for Your Continual Presence in my life.
For Your Honor and Your Glory, Lord.
_____________________________
Hey there! This is Sharon-Marie, and you have reached my signature. I may not be here for a while; but if you'd like, please leave a message over in that ramblin’ thread.
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RE: Teton Rambler - 11/23/2005 10:44:54 AM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 25986
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Currently . . . San Francisco
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Strange Similarities
The 3 most important men in my life are Walt, Christopher and CS (listed in order of when they "entered" my life).
None of them are in my life now, but all of them will forever remain in my heart.
Walt was my adoptive father. And for a bit more information . . . before he adopted me, he was also my maternal step-grandfather.
Christopher is my birth son, whom I placed for adoption soon after he was born.
CS was and continues to be the only man who ever captured my entire heart . . . the only man with whom I have ever been "in" love.
The first similarity that all 3 of these men share is the number 3 (and I actually just realized this one as I was beginning to type this post). Walt adopted me when I was 3 months old; the last time I saw Christopher was when he was 3 days old; CS and I first met 3 years ago (in March).
Some more similarities (and original reasons for writing this particular blog entry):
All 3 men were born in November; Walt in 1921; CS in 1938 and Christopher in 1984. Adding one more, I was also born in November, in 1963.
Walt and CS also both died in June; Walt in 1990; CS in 2005.
The 26th Day - Christopher was born on the 26th; Walt died on the 26th.
Adding one more, again - The 13th Day - I was born on the 13th; CS died on the 13th.
I miss all 3 of these men; I think of all 3 of them so very often.
Here's to you . . . Dad, Christopher and Cowboy Sweetie.
I love you . . . each one of you.
Deeply.
Abba Father, each one of these men has touched my heart so profoundly and so completley. I truly thank you for allowing me to be a part of each of their lives.
For Your Honor and Your Glory, Lord Jesus.
_____________________________
Hey there! This is Sharon-Marie, and you have reached my signature. I may not be here for a while; but if you'd like, please leave a message over in that ramblin’ thread.
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RE: Teton Rambler - 12/7/2005 9:57:03 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 25986
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Currently . . . San Francisco
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Anger . . . and . . . Love
I've mentioned it before . . .
Going back to the last time that I was able to view CS's body . . .
A few of us were there, but at this point, everyone else had gone into the lobby and had left me alone with CS.
I remember gazing at his face; hoping that I would forever remember every aspect of him. I also remember that I began to talk to him . . . telling him how much I loved him and that I would always love him.
And I remember saying, "CS, I know that during some of my grieving times, I am going to be very angry with you for what you did. But I want you to know, that even through the anger, I will love you. I know that the anger will subside and that the love will remain."
That's true; the love does remain. The love is always there . . . it's there in the midst of intensely deep sadness. It's there when I'm trying to walk through the fear. It's there among the bittersweet, yet precious memories. It's there in the middle of all the laughter with which Abba has so richly blessed me. It's there while I trepidatiously learn how to live my life without CS.
AND the love is still there, still prevalent, even during the times of anger.
I don't like being angry. I don't like the volatile-ness of it. But even anger can be a blessing from Our Lord, when felt and expressed in the right context and under the safety and protection of HIS Presence.
Yes, these past several months, I have felt moments of anger towards CS; sometime quite intensely so.
Actually, anger was my very first emotional response upon realizing that the man in my doorway that awful morning was the coroner. My mind worked way too fast for my comfort. My mind knew, without my even having to hear the actual words that CS was no longer alive. And my mind also knew, again without having to hear the words, that CS had died by his own hands.
And I was angry. I was angry at the coroner, the deputy and the victim advocate for even having the audacity to come to my house. How dare they come and bring me such horrible news!
And I was angry at the world, simply for existing.
And I was angry at myself, for failing CS.
And I was most especially angry at CS. My wonderful, sweet, funny, creative, handsome, intelligent, loving Cowboy Sweetie did the most absolute horrific thing to the very man that I loved with my entire heart, mind, body and soul. And as if that wasn't bad enough . . . in doing what he did, CS also took CS away from me.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
It's ironically funny how the anger can pop up at the most odd times. Little glimpses here and there . . . usually when I realize that a particular chore was something that "CS always did" or when I'm trying to figure something out and my mind tells me that "CS would know."
For instance, my pellet stove. That thing has been the hugest challenge (and that's putting it midly and politely).
Earlier this week, I found myself trying to put the pellet stove door back on it's hinges; only it wasn't being very cooperative. I had a steel mallet in my hand that I was using as a tool. Suddenly, I was absolutely inundated with angry, angry feelings. I literally had to to place my left hand over my right hand so that I wouldn't sling the mallet through the window of the pellet stove door.
I decided that maybe I needed to put the mallet back in the woodshop. 
As I was coming back out of the woodshop, I could feel an internal struggle. I had woke up in such a happy mood; and after many, several consecutive days of crying, I really didn't want to start crying . . . again. The more I tried to supress the tears, the angrier I got . . . which made me want to cry all the more.
In the midst of this struggle, I felt Abba trying to reach me. "Sharon-Marie, you can be angry at CS if you allow Me to be there with you. It's ok. I'm here. Release the anger, Sharon-Marie; don't try to cover it up. I know that you love CS; it's not going to diminish because of anger."
I spent the next several minutes crying profusely and screaming almost as loud as I could about how angry I was with CS and why . . . and how much I loved him; both sentiments pouring forth from my mouth much quicker than my thoughts could even assimilate. I was simultaneously praying to Our Lord for help and screaming at CS.
Then, Peace. HIS Peace. HIS Healing, Comforting Peace.
That was the angriest I have ever been towards CS (both while he was alive and since he died). It was the "thoroughest" anger I've felt yet since his death. And it was covered completely under Abba's Protection.
And it was ok.
And I'm ok.
A friend of mine found out the day after Thanksgiving that another of her friends had taken his life earlier that week. As soon as her sister told me, I called her. She said, "Sharon-Marie, you're going through this. Tell me, when does it get easier? When does the pain lessen? When can I begin to make sense of this?" She had many more questions; some of them indicating that she was feeling responsible because she either did or didn't do a specific thing.
Simply answered, suicide doesn't make sense. It's so hard for the "survivors" to wrap their minds around the "what" and "why" of a person taking their own life. The guilt is sometimes completely unbearable. The anger can be devastating. The sadness and despair reaches depths that are surrounded by darkness . . . a very frightening darkness.
But, as with anything and everything else . . . I can take the sadness and the despair and the guilt AND the anger to Abba. I can give it to HIM and I can ask HIM for HIS Healing in my heart. And little by little, I AM surviving CS's death. I AM surviving the fact that he took his own life. And little by little, Our Lord is bringing me out of this abyss.
And little by little, I am recovering; I am healing.
And it is all because of Abba, Jesus and His Holy Spirt . . . and HIS Love.
Thank You, Lord.
_____________________________
Hey there! This is Sharon-Marie, and you have reached my signature. I may not be here for a while; but if you'd like, please leave a message over in that ramblin’ thread.
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RE: Teton Rambler - 12/28/2005 12:28:18 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 25986
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Currently . . . San Francisco
Status: offline
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My Exodus
I try to have my quiet times first thing in the mornings before I do anything else. It helps the framework of my day immensely; and by doing it first thing in the morning, it's ensured that it actually gets done.
This morning, my readings took me to Exodus 20.
Verse 21 really made me stop and re-read it. It was instantly applicable to my life right now.
"As the people stood in the distance, Moses entered into the deep darkness where God was." (New Living Translation; "Holy Spirit Encounter Bible")
It had such an impact on me, that I didn't finish my "usual" reading routine, but instead immediately started journaling. The following is my journal entry from this morning, somewhat modified and somewhat expounded.
This verse realy jumped out at me.
". . . the deep darkness where God was" --> These past 6½ months since CS died has been such an abyss of darkness. Frighteningly dark.
For almost half my life I've maintained that the only way a person can get through anything is to go through it. Not over or around it; through it. And not going through it; not proceeding forward at all is never an option; not if a person wants to continue to grow, it isn't an option.
"As the people stood in the distance . . ."
Personal growth is just that - personal. Yes, we are called to lift up one another and carry each other's burdens. However, I cannot impart the goodness and wonders of growth into any other person. Likewise neither should I expect to receive my growth vicariously through another human being. Ultimately, we are each responsible for our own growth and maturing. We are also each, individually, responsible for going through the various darknesses that we will experience in our lives. It's our choice as to how deep, how far (and even if at all) we go. But if we don't go completely through it, then how will we ever completely heal?
". . . Where God was"
Jesus, you promised me - on the sidewalk, walking home from church - the very morning of CS's death - even before I knew he had died - that You would be with me. You sang, "Be Not Afraid," to me. If I have to go through all this darkness, I'm going to trust that You are there with me.
God promises to take everything that was meant for harm and to turn it to good. Sometimes I truly wonder what good can come from CS taking his life. The darkness of it, is afterall, the darkest place I've personally ever been. It's a horrible deep abyss.
But Good IS coming from it; people in CS's life are beginning to really look at depression and to not just fluff it away. And if I will allow it, Abba will use me to touch other people. It reminds me of when He put me in what I affectionately call "a one-person post-abortion ministry" when I was pregnant with Christopher. Who would have thought that a young unwed pregnant girl who was planning to place her baby for adoption after his birth would be a catalyst for other young girls to open up to her about their past abortions. But that's just exactly what happened.
And it's happening again; this time with CS taking his life and my journey through the after-effects. Sometimes it feels so painful to lay myself open about things that are so personal . . . but my desire is that in doing so, it will be used to bring about GOOD.
Whether it's becoming pregnant with Christopher or grieving CS's death, I want my life to point towards Your Glory, Lord. You have taught me and continue to teach me to give everything to You; including the ick and yuck - and YOU will turn it to Good.
If I have to go through all this darkness (and yes, it is my choice to do so, it is my choice to allow You to heal me completely), then I'm going to trust that You are there with me. You will Light my way through.
Thank You, Lord for my life; Thank You for Your Protection - and Mercy - and LOVE. Thank You for YOU. I love You, Lord.
Rest in HIS Peace, Sweetie.
I love you.
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Hey there! This is Sharon-Marie, and you have reached my signature. I may not be here for a while; but if you'd like, please leave a message over in that ramblin’ thread.
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