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RE: Single Forever? - 8/10/2008 6:17:26 PM
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ShallbeRebuilt
Posts: 2104
Joined: 11/8/2007
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: 9drtr
I can not imagine wanting to be single forever. It would be line wanting to have writer's block or wanting to have my teeth pulled without novocaine. It's something that - I believe based on experience to date - can't want.
^^^What he said.
The only difference is that I have been married before, a wonderful marriage. Maybe that's why it's so hard for me to be ok with being single forever.
I envy those who are content. However, I have determined not to let singleness turn me into a bitter, whiny, self-focused woman: I'm going forward with my life.
Just like someone who's lost a leg or an eye. There's never a day goes by that they don't wish they had that part of their body back. But some learn to be happy and fruitful in spite of it, while others let it drag them down to become a burden on family, friends and society.
I am determined to be happy and fruitful in spite of my singleness. But I cannot want to be single.
You know what? Nuns do this. (well, priests do, too, but I'm female  )
They actually GIVE UP their right to ever marry. I don't hold to that denomination or it's theology, but I value the gift these women give the Lord. And I don't think it's all just the ones who never want to marry who make this commitment...I believe they suffer from their singleness even though they have chosen it. They just have decided that they can be useful to the Lord in it.
So to me, it's ok that I suffer in my singleness--there's no guilt or shame in desiring that some life situation be different than what it is. But while it taints my happiness daily, I refuse to let it ruin it. I will still be happy and busy and fruitful for the Kingdom.
shallbe
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RE: Single Forever? - 8/10/2008 6:47:17 PM
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collybird
Posts: 4
Joined: 8/7/2008
From: UK
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I'm very much a loner, I just don't have any natural urge to be close to someone - in a relationship or friendship wise. Some people need others to share their lives with, but I've recently realised that I've always been happy sharing it only with Him.
I know that I could be single forever and still be happy, I know that if I was never to meet 'The One' I would not feel as though I have had a lesser life for it but I very much want children at some point which of course means that sometime in the future I would like to find the right guy for me but I'm certainly in no rush I shall just follow His lead and see where it takes me.
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RE: Single Forever? - 8/10/2008 8:50:15 PM
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Onecontent
Posts: 57
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Yukamina
I plan to be single forever... This is a forum for singles, but everyone seems to want a relationship. Understandable, but am I the only one that doesn't want a romantic relationship?
What do you think of someone staying single his/her whole life?
When I was thirteen years old I made a commitment to God to be single because I did not like how my friends changed when they became boy crazy. They became competitive. I moved and the boy crazy girls were snotty, mean, had fist and knife fights over guys, and/or changed their personalities were guys were around.
Today, 29 year and two months later, I asked God's forgiveness if I made a commitment that was outside of His will for my life. I had been molested thus part of my reason for not marrying was so I did not have to ever have sex again. Fear of sex had mastery over my life. Repenting today broke a stronghold in my life. The weird part is that I still don't want to get married; I just feel better about it.
Because I was committed to being single, I chose to refuse dates and to purposely be neat but not attractive. Now I am trying to figure out what repentance means in this context. Should someone ask me out do I go on a date even though I do not see marriage in my future? Do I purchase attractive clothes even though I do not wish to attract? I am NOT the type of woman who feels more confident if she looks good. I believe that if there is not going to be a party I should not send invitations.
I see myself as always single and am belatedly trying to do the financial planning to survive old age alone. Are you doing this Yukamina?
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RE: Single Forever? - 8/11/2008 7:05:32 AM
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mutinywxgirl
Posts: 12573
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: west coast of FL
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: mutinywxgirl
I feel that I will probably remain single, as I don't think there is anyone out there who can keep up with me. Granted, should someone come along and be okay with what God has called me to do, then I am open to a relationship/marriage. But, if this doesn't happen, that's okay too - because I know God keeps moving me into places where He wants me and uses me. That's the only thing of interest to me - to continually be used of Him.
Quoting myself here - almost a year later - nothing has changed. I still fully believe that I will remain single the rest of my life. This "may" change once my family is gone, but until then, marriage is not even on my radar. After that, all bets are off.
_____________________________
When blood and water hit the ground.
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive.
The day true love died. The day true love died.
Lisa is happy THE ROWDIES ARE BACK!
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RE: Single Forever? - 8/11/2008 1:15:04 PM
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Bridgitt
Posts: 237
Joined: 6/18/2008
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I have very much the desire to get married again. I thank God for putting that desire in me. Being single has its advantages but then, it's not for me.
_____________________________
We are not qualified to pass judgment on others because we cannot read hearts.
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RE: Single Forever? - 8/11/2008 1:32:36 PM
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GrowinBaptist
Posts: 28
Joined: 7/17/2008
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It's great when someone gets to the point of being content with singleness. When you are constantly worrying about not being married you are telling the Lord that you don't trust Him.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to be single. Believe it or not, though, just like marriage, we are not to determine whether or not to remain single. This state also has to be left in His hands. If you are happy and content with being single, great!! If you don't have the burning need to get married you are fortunate that the Lord has brought you to this place of acceptance. But don't completely rule marriage out, either. If the Lord wants you to be married, but you insist on staying single because it's what YOU want, then you are not allowing Him to fully work in your life. Leave it in His hands and see what He does!
_____________________________
I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me.
Phil. 4:13
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RE: Single Forever? - 8/11/2008 3:17:45 PM
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hotsaucygma
Posts: 2982
Joined: 4/12/2005
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I think it is perfectly fine to want to be single. I will never know what it is like to have never wanted to get married, because I did and was married for 29 years, but I am happy with being single right now. That may change, it may not. Being single has a lot of good things about it, being married in my case had a few good things about it,  . Maybe if my marriage had been happier I would have a stronger desire to marry again, but at this time at least, I do not.
quote:
ORIGINAL: ShallbeRebuilt
Just like someone who's lost a leg or an eye. There's never a day goes by that they don't wish they had that part of their body back. But some learn to be happy and fruitful in spite of it, while others let it drag them down to become a burden on family, friends and society. Funny ShallbeRebuilt, I often use this same anology of why I like being single! I have often said that being divorced is like having a leg infected with gangrene and is amputated... you feel the pain, you know you will always miss the leg, but you sure don't want it back- 'cause it'd kill you!
_____________________________
Dear Lord, let my words today be as sweet and delicious as cheesecake... for tomorrow I may have to eat them!
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RE: Single Forever? - 8/11/2008 4:12:02 PM
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ShallbeRebuilt
Posts: 2104
Joined: 11/8/2007
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: hotsaucygma
I think it is perfectly fine to want to be single. I will never know what it is like to have never wanted to get married, because I did and was married for 29 years, but I am happy with being single right now. That may change, it may not. Being single has a lot of good things about it, being married in my case had a few good things about it, . Maybe if my marriage had been happier I would have a stronger desire to marry again, but at this time at least, I do not.
quote:
ORIGINAL: ShallbeRebuilt
Just like someone who's lost a leg or an eye. There's never a day goes by that they don't wish they had that part of their body back. But some learn to be happy and fruitful in spite of it, while others let it drag them down to become a burden on family, friends and society. Funny ShallbeRebuilt, I often use this same anology of why I like being single! I have often said that being divorced is like having a leg infected with gangrene and is amputated... you feel the pain, you know you will always miss the leg, but you sure don't want it back- 'cause it'd kill you!
The mark of a great analogy is that it can be used for many aspects of the situation! Great minds think alike, too...
Like I said: I envy those who enjoy being single--I think it's fine to choose singleness and to like it. I'm not saying there aren't nice things about it. I'm just saying that for me it's a hard thing, not an easy thing.
shallbe
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RE: Single Forever? - 8/11/2008 4:17:16 PM
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hotsaucygma
Posts: 2982
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
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Yep, I understand. It has had it's "hard" times for me too. Not often though, thankfully!
_____________________________
Dear Lord, let my words today be as sweet and delicious as cheesecake... for tomorrow I may have to eat them!
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RE: Single Forever? - 8/11/2008 8:26:15 PM
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gaylel1
Posts: 1253
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Southern California, the land of Fruit and nuts...
Status: offline
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I agree with Fairview Baptist- I'm letting the Lord direct my life, I'm not worried about if I'm gonna be single forever because I don't know what God have me whether if he wants me to have a mate again, or being single. Whatever state I'm in like Paul, I'm content and not worrying about it because life is too short and then the enemy can use that worry to his advantage.
_____________________________
Hear "The Truth" with the "other"l Jeff Johnson(http://www.calvarydowney.org)
Visit me at http:www.gayleplace.blogspot.com or http://www.myspace.com/gaylel121
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RE: Single Forever? - 8/11/2008 9:57:53 PM
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ladioffaith
Posts: 2992
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: NE Ohio (L.A. . . Lower Akron)
Status: online
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I am not single forever. I am single today.
Telling me I will be single forever is to take all hope from me in terms of a relationship. I don't see it happening today, tomorrow or next week, but I was promised it long ago ... and I know it will happen even if I am 90!
I can handle being single today, tomorrow, maybe next year. Just don't tell me "forever" because you don't know the future. And the God who does is lovingly withholding that info from me ...
_____________________________
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with
his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." Zeph. 3:17
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
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RE: Single Forever? - 8/13/2008 4:07:39 PM
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usa777
Posts: 49
Joined: 8/12/2008
Status: offline
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Hi Everyone,
Recently I decided that I would remain single the rest of my life (I'm 47, never married). Not because I want to, but because after doing lots of reading (books, posts online), talking to singles, and struggling with men, I have given up hope. I'm not trying to offend anyone here, just share my thoughts. The conclusion I came to after all of the "research" I did and what my experiences have shown is that the vast majority of single men do not seem very serious about getting married. I've read research that says that, as men get to be over 35, if they haven't already married only 4% ever will. Men themselves have admitted that they are only attracted to very slim and sexy women - those are the images they are bombarded with (and choose to view in magazines), so they find everyday women like me unattractive (I'm of an average build and have been complimented many times on my looks). When I go to 40+ singles events, about 10 - 15% of the attendees are men. The rest of the men my age go to events where there are women much younger than them.
This is has been a huge struggle for me the past few years, as all I've wanted since I was a teen was to get married, have a family, and be a homemaker. I honestly can no longer imagine ever being married. The men seem so picky that I don't see any way that I could ever please any of them. I'll never have the exact combination of looks, sexiness, and whatever else it is they want. They don't seem concerned much with personality or spirituality.
The straw that broke the camel's back with me is that I met a very nice Christian man, also never married and around my age. We hit it off very well and have many interests in common, and he seems more realistic about looking in his age range. Yet he insists he wants to be "just friends" and he keeps his distance. I'm sick and tired of men like this, who cannot or will not get close to a woman. I don't know what their problem is. How long are they planning on holding out for Ms. Perfect? When they turn 60, will they finally realize they'll never get married if they don't accept another's imperfections?
Sorry to have gone on. Does anyone else wonder about these things? Find it hard to have any faith at all in this area after so many years?
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RE: Single Forever? - 8/13/2008 5:52:53 PM
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gaylel1
Posts: 1253
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Southern California, the land of Fruit and nuts...
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: usa777
Hi Everyone,
Recently I decided that I would remain single the rest of my life (I'm 47, never married). Not because I want to, but because after doing lots of reading (books, posts online), talking to singles, and struggling with men, I have given up hope. I'm not trying to offend anyone here, just share my thoughts. The conclusion I came to after all of the "research" I did and what my experiences have shown is that the vast majority of single men do not seem very serious about getting married. I've read research that says that, as men get to be over 35, if they haven't already married only 4% ever will. Men themselves have admitted that they are only attracted to very slim and sexy women - those are the images they are bombarded with (and choose to view in magazines), so they find everyday women like me unattractive (I'm of an average build and have been complimented many times on my looks). When I go to 40+ singles events, about 10 - 15% of the attendees are men. The rest of the men my age go to events where there are women much younger than them.
This is has been a huge struggle for me the past few years, as all I've wanted since I was a teen was to get married, have a family, and be a homemaker. I honestly can no longer imagine ever being married. The men seem so picky that I don't see any way that I could ever please any of them. I'll never have the exact combination of looks, sexiness, and whatever else it is they want. They don't seem concerned much with personality or spirituality.
The straw that broke the camel's back with me is that I met a very nice Christian man, also never married and around my age. We hit it off very well and have many interests in common, and he seems more realistic about looking in his age range. Yet he insists he wants to be "just friends" and he keeps his distance. I'm sick and tired of men like this, who cannot or will not get close to a woman. I don't know what their problem is. How long are they planning on holding out for Ms. Perfect? When they turn 60, will they finally realize they'll never get married if they don't accept another's imperfections?
Sorry to have gone on. Does anyone else wonder about these things? Find it hard to have any faith at all in this area after so many years?
I'm nearing 50, but I encourage you my sister not to give up hope. Yes, there are people who feel that looks and physical attraction is everything, but that is not all there is and it is not a component to a godly marriage. Its that the people who want you to think that way and that's a dangerous thing. Many of those people get their cues from the world and unfortnatly, the thoughts are filtering into the christian community because christianity wants to imitate the world instead of following the word of God, which should be our blueprint on everything, even finding a mate.
And guess what? those people who want that kind of thing are not really walking with the Lord, and they do not want someone who posess the inward qualities, but they want what we call a "trophy wife."
The bible says that those "earthy tablenacles" will fade away.
Look, I've am a widow who lost her husband young, and did "seeking thing," and I tried everything to find her "perfect mate," but I gave it over to the Lord and let him direct my life.
And I pray that you do not cirmustances define your walk with the Lord nor define your future.
_____________________________
Hear "The Truth" with the "other"l Jeff Johnson(http://www.calvarydowney.org)
Visit me at http:www.gayleplace.blogspot.com or http://www.myspace.com/gaylel121
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RE: Single Forever? - 8/13/2008 7:54:28 PM
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rgod
Posts: 1544
Joined: 4/25/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
I'm nearing 50, but I encourage you my sister not to give up hope. Yes, there are people who feel that looks and physical attraction is everything, but that is not all there is and it is not a component to a godly marriage. Its that the people who want you to think that way and that's a dangerous thing. Many of those people get their cues from the world and unfortnatly, the thoughts are filtering into the christian community because christianity wants to imitate the world instead of following the word of God, which should be our blueprint on everything, even finding a mate.
And guess what? those people who want that kind of thing are not really walking with the Lord, and they do not want someone who posess the inward qualities, but they want what we call a "trophy wife."
The bible says that those "earthy tablenacles" will fade away.
Look, I've am a widow who lost her husband young, and did "seeking thing," and I tried everything to find her "perfect mate," but I gave it over to the Lord and let him direct my life.
And I pray that you do not cirmustances define your walk with the Lord nor define your future.
Gayle - this was a very encouraging response. Thanks for posting it!
rgod
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RE: Single Forever? - 8/13/2008 8:48:14 PM
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usa777
Posts: 49
Joined: 8/12/2008
Status: offline
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Gayle,
Sorry to hear that you lost your husband. I can't imagine how difficult that would be - at any age.
You are exactly on target. I believe the way you do, and am very concerned that the church is taking its cues from the world. I got a chronic illness when I was 25 and eventually stopped attending church because of it. Now that I'm getting back into attending after about 15 yrs mostly away from church, I see a big difference - and it's not good.
Just can't understand why I can never be on the same page as a man. One of us always wants "friends only" and the other wants to date. It's exasperating, and at this point I'd rather not deal with it at all. The man I've liked that I mentioned in my original post is not Mr. America - he's average looking - and he doesn't make a lot of money. I couldn't care less, because that's not what I'm looking for. Where are the men who are looking for what is really important to base a marriage on? I can't change my age, and almost no one is looking for someone over 35.
Anyone who wants to pray about this, please do - I'd appreciate it. I need to re-establish respect for men, because I don't have much now and I know that's wrong. I tolerate men at this point. I guess that's a natural reaction to being so insulted by them not even noticing me, especially when I used to get a lot of attention from them (like, when I was 97 lbs and unhealthy!). I'm tired of looking for a needle in a haystack and getting rejected when I finallly find someone who seems to be a good match.
One more important aspect of this is that, because of my health, I can only work part time. Not a good thing when you have no life partner. Sometimes I say to God, "Could you at least give me one major thing that everyone else seems to have? If I'm not going to have a husband and I've had to give up hope for having children, then could I at least have my health so I can support myself?" AARGH!
Boy, am I whining! I'll shut up now.
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RE: Single Forever? - 8/13/2008 8:51:32 PM
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9drtr
Posts: 1659
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Toronto the Good
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: usa777
Hi Everyone,
Recently I decided that I would remain single the rest of my life (I'm 47, never married). Not because I want to, but because after doing lots of reading (books, posts online), talking to singles, and struggling with men, I have given up hope. I'm not trying to offend anyone here, just share my thoughts. The conclusion I came to after all of the "research" I did and what my experiences have shown is that the vast majority of single men do not seem very serious about getting married. I've read research that says that, as men get to be over 35, if they haven't already married only 4% ever will. Men themselves have admitted that they are only attracted to very slim and sexy women - those are the images they are bombarded with (and choose to view in magazines), so they find everyday women like me unattractive (I'm of an average build and have been complimented many times on my looks). When I go to 40+ singles events, about 10 - 15% of the attendees are men. The rest of the men my age go to events where there are women much younger than them.
This is has been a huge struggle for me the past few years, as all I've wanted since I was a teen was to get married, have a family, and be a homemaker. I honestly can no longer imagine ever being married. The men seem so picky that I don't see any way that I could ever please any of them. I'll never have the exact combination of looks, sexiness, and whatever else it is they want. They don't seem concerned much with personality or spirituality.
The straw that broke the camel's back with me is that I met a very nice Christian man, also never married and around my age. We hit it off very well and have many interests in common, and he seems more realistic about looking in his age range. Yet he insists he wants to be "just friends" and he keeps his distance. I'm sick and tired of men like this, who cannot or will not get close to a woman. I don't know what their problem is. How long are they planning on holding out for Ms. Perfect? When they turn 60, will they finally realize they'll never get married if they don't accept another's imperfections?
Sorry to have gone on. Does anyone else wonder about these things? Find it hard to have any faith at all in this area after so many years?
Hey, I'm willing to accept imperfections. But that makes me a wimp, and women aren't interested in wimps.
Men don't have a monopoly on advanced stupidity.
_____________________________
Edwin
When we know who is coming, how can we worry about what is coming? When the last hour belongs to us, how can we worry about the next minute?
Ross Crighton
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RE: Single Forever? - 8/13/2008 11:12:01 PM
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usa777
Posts: 49
Joined: 8/12/2008
Status: offline
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Thanks for posting, Edwin.
Re: advanced stupidity. I agree. I was writing about men from a female perspective, so of course I focused on some things that confuse and frustrate me about men.
Re: Wimps. You know who I think is a wimp? Not someone who accepts others as they are and shows some sensitivity (the occasional tear doesn't show you're a wimp, for example. It shows you are human). Rather, I think a wimp is someone who does not stand up for what is right and is afraid to take risks such as entering into a committed, lifetime relationship. I respect a man who can admit he is afraid. I have trouble respecting a man who is a coward - who allows his fears to paralyze him. I'm just tired of seeing Christian men avoid establishing Christian homes. This is exactly what Satan wants.
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RE: Single Forever? - 8/14/2008 7:12:46 AM
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mutinywxgirl
Posts: 12573
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: west coast of FL
Status: offline
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quote:
Re: Wimps. You know who I think is a wimp? Not someone who accepts others as they are and shows some sensitivity (the occasional tear doesn't show you're a wimp, for example. It shows you are human). Rather, I think a wimp is someone who does not stand up for what is right and is afraid to take risks such as entering into a committed, lifetime relationship. I respect a man who can admit he is afraid. I have trouble respecting a man who is a coward - who allows his fears to paralyze him. I'm just tired of seeing Christian men avoid establishing Christian homes. This is exactly what Satan wants.
I have to agree with this as well. I've seen it all too many times in my own life as well. These guys are awesomely wonderful, except they can't commit to marriage. It's maddening.
I'm not giving up though - I just realize that God has too many things for me to do that marriage may not be part of my life.
_____________________________
When blood and water hit the ground.
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive.
The day true love died. The day true love died.
Lisa is happy THE ROWDIES ARE BACK!
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RE: Single Forever? - 8/14/2008 11:49:39 AM
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John_O
Posts: 8005
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: gaylel1
I'm nearing 50, but I encourage you my sister not to give up hope. Yes, there are people who feel that looks and physical attraction is everything, but that is not all there is and it is not a component to a godly marriage. Its that the people who want you to think that way and that's a dangerous thing. Many of those people get their cues from the world and unfortnatly, the thoughts are filtering into the christian community because christianity wants to imitate the world instead of following the word of God, which should be our blueprint on everything, even finding a mate.
Looks and physical attraction are part of a Godly marriage. Read Song of Solomon. It's important for a man to be attracted to his wife, and for her to be attracted to him. Yes, there is far more to it than just looks but denying that physical attraction has anything to do with it is cutting off your nose to spite your face.
Most Christian men are looking for a complete woman. One who is attractive to them in every way, spritually, mentally, emotionally and physically.
(Note that every woman is attractive to some man and every man is attracted to different types of women)
If you look at the OT the patriarchs fell in love with their wives based first on sight.
quote:
And guess what? those people who want that kind of thing are not really walking with the Lord, and they do not want someone who posess the inward qualities, but they want what we call a "trophy wife."
You make too many generalizations.
I want a woman who is attractive to me for my wife. Does that mean I'm not walking with the Lord? Absolutely not. Does that mean I don't want someone who posesses the inner qualities I find most attractive? Absolutely not.
Does that mean I want a trophy wife? Depends how you define trophy wife. If you mean a woman that I can admire in every facet of her being (spiritual, mental, emotional, physical), who I can protect and cherish and provide for, a woman who I can lay down my life for, a woman who will be more precious to me than any other living human, a woman who I find attractive and pleasing to me, a woman I can spend the rest of my life working to make her happy, content and growing in the Lord, a woman who will be a partner with me in this adventure called life, then yes I want a trophy wife.
And I don't see anything wrong with that at all.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Single Forever? - 8/14/2008 12:25:37 PM
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gaylel1
Posts: 1253
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Southern California, the land of Fruit and nuts...
Status: offline
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quote:
Gayle,
Sorry to hear that you lost your husband. I can't imagine how difficult that would be - at any age.
As one of my favorite teachers, Jon Courson used to say, "Thanks for asking, but she's in heaven now. Jon had to deal with a loss of a wife and was doing without until he married his current wife, Tammy.
_____________________________
Hear "The Truth" with the "other"l Jeff Johnson(http://www.calvarydowney.org)
Visit me at http:www.gayleplace.blogspot.com or http://www.myspace.com/gaylel121
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RE: Single Forever? - 8/14/2008 12:48:35 PM
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usa777
Posts: 49
Joined: 8/12/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
"Most Christian men are looking for a complete woman. One who is attractive to them in every way, spritually, mentally, emotionally and physically.
(Note that every woman is attractive to some man and every man is attracted to different types of women)"
My point is that I've heard several men claim they are not very attracted to any woman in their church, because they think the godly women are not as attractive (read: sexy) as the worldly women they see at the gym who place great importance on their bodies. I do think there is something wrong with placing such importance on what the media shows that a man finds he is unable to get excited about a woman who does not look like a model. I don't see where every man is attracted to different types of women... the vast majority seem to be attracted to women who are in their 20's, around 100 lbs and flaunt themselves.
If men want a complete woman, then perhaps they should come up with some other complaint about godly women besides, "They don't take care of themselves" - meaning physically. First of all, that's not true. Not every Christian woman is 300 lbs. Secondly, it would be refreshing to hear other things such as concerns about a woman's spiritual nature. But it seems the physical is the only thing that men complain about.
All you have to do is stroll through any art museum to see that our version of beauty is not what God intended. It's our perverted culture that says women have to be extremely thin and strut around like a prostitute in order to be noticed! I don't buy the "I'm a man; I'm visual" excuse because I think men have a choice. They can choose to see beauty in the "girl next door" type rather than only seeing beauty in swimsuit models.
I don't expect a man to be attractive to me in every way. I'd much rather have an average-looking husband who is humble than one who thinks he's God's gift to women. He doesn't have to look perfect, be a perfect Christian, or not have any habits that irritate me. Imperfection is part of life, and I embrace it. I maintain my assertion that many men (and women) are expecting too much, and this is why they stay single. If they can't have a carbon copy of themselves, they'd rather be alone.
(edited for formatting purposes only)
< Message edited by mutinywxgirl -- 8/14/2008 12:55:27 PM >
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RE: Single Forever? - 8/14/2008 12:48:36 PM
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gaylel1
Posts: 1253
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Southern California, the land of Fruit and nuts...
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
quote:
ORIGINAL: gaylel1
I'm nearing 50, but I encourage you my sister not to give up hope. Yes, there are people who feel that looks and physical attraction is everything, but that is not all there is and it is not a component to a godly marriage. Its that the people who want you to think that way and that's a dangerous thing. Many of those people get their cues from the world and unfortnatly, the thoughts are filtering into the christian community because christianity wants to imitate the world instead of following the word of God, which should be our blueprint on everything, even finding a mate.
Looks and physical attraction are part of a Godly marriage. Read Song of Solomon. It's important for a man to be attracted to his wife, and for her to be attracted to him. Yes, there is far more to it than just looks but denying that physical attraction has anything to do with it is cutting off your nose to spite your face.
Most Christian men are looking for a complete woman. One who is attractive to them in every way, spritually, mentally, emotionally and physically.
(Note that every woman is attractive to some man and every man is attracted to different types of women)
If you look at the OT the patriarchs fell in love with their wives based first on sight.
quote:
And guess what? those people who want that kind of thing are not really walking with the Lord, and they do not want someone who posess the inward qualities, but they want what we call a "trophy wife."
You make too many generalizations.
I want a woman who is attractive to me for my wife. Does that mean I'm not walking with the Lord? Absolutely not. Does that mean I don't want someone who posesses the inner qualities I find most attractive? Absolutely not.
Does that mean I want a trophy wife? Depends how you define trophy wife. If you mean a woman that I can admire in every facet of her being (spiritual, mental, emotional, physical), who I can protect and cherish and provide for, a woman who I can lay down my life for, a woman who will be more precious to me than any other living human, a woman who I find attractive and pleasing to me, a woman I can spend the rest of my life working to make her happy, content and growing in the Lord, a woman who will be a partner with me in this adventure called life, then yes I want a trophy wife.
And I don't see anything wrong with that at all.
You know John, this where you and I differ here and call it a generalization if you want, but marriages do not last not because of looks, but the commitment of both. It is about standing by your wife no matter what if she beautiful, and not because she your wife "of your youth" because she gained a few pounds or get disfigured because of an accident.
You see, you got it all wrong here.
I'm not trying to aim this at you, but quite of few of our Christian brothers and sisters thinking they want so much "perfection" instead of judging the charater of the indvisual, which btw, the word also says that "beauty will fade" --we can put on clothes, and do everything to enhance ourselves, including myself, but the realization that the faces will not last forever.
People should be really atractive to is if the person is a godly person or not and not only physical attirbutes, which some are so hung up on. I'm sorry if I gotten off subject, and if anyone took offense, please accept my apologies.
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Hear "The Truth" with the "other"l Jeff Johnson(http://www.calvarydowney.org)
Visit me at http:www.gayleplace.blogspot.com or http://www.myspace.com/gaylel121
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.... but they are there and I refuse to believe otherwise!
"There are no accidents in the life of faith. In its music, the accidentals perfect the harmony." 