how do i stop looking at porn PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!! (Full Version)

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thelosttraverler -> how do i stop looking at porn PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!! (4/19/2007 2:54:19 AM)

Hey look, i've been looking for a long time. ive said i would quit many times but i have failed. please what do i do. i nammed myself the lost traveler for a reason. i need the lord but i cant stop my self from looking. i know their is somthing God has for me to do, but because of this pproblom i cant do it. please help me get through this war against saiten, im fighting a lost war on my own...

Thanks
the lost traveler

Moderators note:

This thread originated in marriage, so there will be a few posts from women prior to it being moved.



russelp4 -> RE: how do i stop looking at porn PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!! (4/19/2007 8:40:09 AM)

To say that you can't do it is a lie from satan. If you are a Christian you can do it. This is an area that I have struggled with since I was a teen ( I am 38 now ). I tried "white-knuckling" it,
sex-aholics anonymous meetings, you name it. The only thing that helps is God. I know that sounds like a cop out answer, but you have to make the determination to stop. There are several books out - Overcoming Internet Addiction, Sex Isn't the Problem: Lust Is, Bondage Breakers, and plenty others. If the internet is the problem, get it out of your house. Also, find an accountability partner. YOU CAN STOP!!!!!!! DON'T LET THE DEVIL TELL YOU THAT YOU CAN'T!!!!!!!!



bcipam -> RE: how do i stop looking at porn PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!! (4/19/2007 9:19:21 AM)

As mentioned above immediately look up and go attend the SA meeting near you. Commit yourself to the 12 step problem it works.

Short sad story: My brother was addicted like you. As his hunger grew so did his perversion. He needed more and more and more to stimulate him. He eventually moved into child porn. That's when he was arrested and he spent 4 years in a Federal prison. For a sheltered, stupid upper middle class boy, that was an eye opener. Trust me - it was hell an you don't want to go there.

Reach out to everyone you know. Don't keep your preversion a secret. Force friends and love ones to help you and keep you on the straight and narrow. THROW THE COMPUTER OUT THE WINDOW and don't bring another back into your house. It's the computer that allows you to indulge. If you are buying the magazines and all the mail order stuff then cut up your credit cards. Give all your money to someone who can be trusted and have they help you live on a budget. The budget will not give you enough money to buy the porn.

Sadly this is what we do with my brother. The law mandates he cannot use a computer and we keep his hands tied by limiting his money. His life will never again ever be his own to control. Do you want to live that way? Get to that 12 step program NOW! And pray. The power of the Lord is strong when you are sincerely asking for his help. I'm praying with you. Oh dear Jesus, please help this brother with his addiction. Give him the strength and resolve to take that first step towards redemption and away from the evil that tempts him and brings him into hell and Satan claws. Give him the strength to open up to friends and family to ask for help. Guide him towards the nearest 12 step and give him the understanding to keep going because this is the only way he will straighten out a twisted life. Oh Heavenly Father wrap your arms around this poor sinner and let him know how much You care and how much he is loved. In Jesus Name, Ahem.

Please go now, get help.



John_O -> RE: how do i stop looking at porn PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!! (4/19/2007 9:52:59 AM)

Great advice already given here. FOLLOW IT!!

One thing to add. Avoid 'near porn', bikini pictures or other pictures of scantily clad women where ever you find them, be it sports magazines, catalogues etc. These things are like appetizers. They will make you want more. Therefore stop snacking on this near porn stuff also.



emmielou80 -> RE: how do i stop looking at porn PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!! (4/19/2007 12:06:05 PM)

It's time to speak truth right now, right here. Nothing can change what's God's way. Wrapping the truth inside a pretty package might delay reveiling it a few moments, however, what is inside does not change. The truth does not change.
I apologise to any who are offended by my opinions. As a person who personally experienced a devastating marriage situation directly related to this issue, I believe this gives me a unique perspective & perhaps ability to speak with an added measure of authority on this topic from my own experience.
If porn addiction is a war being fought by families across the worls these days, I have fought in the infantry, on the front line, so to speak...I KNOW THE EYE LEVEL,HORROR & DESTRUCTION OF THIS TYPE OF COMBAT.
Although from your post, I do not know whether or not you have a family, many others in your situation DO. Perhaps this post may benefit them, if not you personally. I write with the deepest, heartfelt Christian compassion for your family's situation. [right] FIRST: Are you a Christian? ...I mean really, are you a Christian? Really? I'm not asking do you sometimes go to church on SUnday or ....if you prayed once when you were in really bad trouble, .....I mean are you a Christian, saved by Jesus. If you dont know.... Find out. Because if you arent totally sure then dont bother to read the rest of this reply. It'll be a waste of your time & mine. Get up from in front of your computer right this second & get to the preacher, your minister, or your most God fearing neighbor that you know. Get yourself in front of God right now, TODAY. Get down on your knees & confess your sins to God. Pray! If you dont know how to do it then call a preacher, (any one will know how to help you, & you can find many in the phone book) YOU have to KNOW GOD first, the rest comes second to that. Ask that preacher to lead you through the steps to absolutely KNOW without a single doubt that you ARE a Christian. That is the first & only important thing to do. Period. Anything else is secondary & really wont matter. If you arent a Christian, you cannot stand & fight the good fight against temptation with any chance of winning.
I can tell a lot about how out of control your lust addiction has become simply by the clear act of your post.
I'll pose a question...How is your life working out for you right now ? I think you already know it ISNT working so well...and that you are going to lose a lot if you dont change your ways. Right? Am I anywhere close to correct?
Plain & simple truth-If you could continue your PORN habit without it causing you trouble in your life you wouldn't be asking for help on this forum. Dude-have you read any of the Bible? If not ,let me say right now it's got a very clear statement about porn... God tells you ..."If you look at a woman with lustful thoughts in your heart, it is the SAME as doing the act in the flesh."
To sum up:
[#1] If you are not already a Christian, you need to find a way to get right with God. Today. Now. Not tomorrow. Nobody on this forum can do that for you. YOU have to do it for yourself.
[#2] I agree with the other responses who suggest a 12 step group, treatment, etc. but I am not so sure that you have the clear understandingthat comes from a right- relationship with Jesus right now or you wouldnt be asking for help with your porn addiction at a location (Computer) where so many have fallen into and perpetuate their addiction online. Ya know?
[#3] To rephrase my tough-love message:
A DIABETIC probably shouldnt try to attend a DIABETIC HELP GROUP MEETING if it is meeting inside of a CANDY STORE.
But then, you knew better than that, right?
[#4] Get smart about your problem. Throw out the computer, YES, ...I SAID GET RID OF YOUR COMPUTER, magazines, photos...whatever your chosen brand of porn poison was...get it out of your home & office for good. Do what you know it right. Show your family with your actions that you are sincere. This isnt the time to whine. Beg ,& I mean sincerely, your family to forgive you if you havent already done so & show them that you are serious about changing your ways. Showing them your NEW godly way of life.
[#5] Get to God, today. Child of God, there are better, safer, MORE HELPFUL options for your problem than you can find online. Find one. Stay away from porn & from places where you'll find porn.
I'll pray for your family & you.



buckifn -> RE: how do i stop looking at porn PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!! (4/19/2007 2:39:25 PM)

Where is the source you get the porn from?



karlie -> RE: how do i stop looking at porn PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!! (4/19/2007 3:38:15 PM)

Moderator's Note:

Since the OP doesn't say he is married and this thread isn't discussing the affect of porn on marriage, I am moving it from marriage to Men Only. So ladies, please be advised you can't post here as of now. Thanks!

Please email community@salemwebnetwork.com with questions, comments or concerns.

Please do not respond to this post within the community or PM me.

Now back to your regularly scheduled topic :)

Karlie,
Forums Moderator



phreddy -> RE: how do i stop looking at porn PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!! (4/19/2007 3:53:09 PM)

losttraveler,

First, create hurdles to your accessing porn. Try filtering software for your computer. Let someone else set it up so you don't have the password. Or get rid of your computer if that doesn't work. Cancel subsciptions to magazines even if they are not graphic porn, but contain seductive imagery. Throw out all pornagraphic materials in your home. Cancel cable. Second, find an accountablility partner; someone who will meet with you weekly (or more often if needed).

Our society is going to fight you 100% of the way. It is almost impossbile to insulate yourself from imagery that is going to tempt you. So pray everyday. Pray in the morning when you wake up that God will help you fight your weakness and help you with self control. Pray whenever you feel tempted. You might also want to decide upon an alternative past-time for when you feel tempted, Bible reading for instance. When you feel the urge to view porn, force yourself to read your Bible instead. It is fairly easy to keep a Bible with you all the time so that you are prepared.



notmycity -> RE: how do i stop looking at porn PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!! (4/20/2007 2:16:09 PM)

Ps 119:9
9 Wherewithal shall a young man cleanse his way? by taking heed thereto according to thy word.
(KJV)



thelosttraverler -> RE: how do i stop looking at porn PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!! (4/21/2007 3:05:45 AM)

dear emmielou80,

first, i would like to thankyou for bringing me back to reality. you reminded me of how it used to be like for me. i was once at a point when every night i would fall asleep listening to christian songs and every night i would feel Gods presence. and you have helped me to relize i cant do this alone.
and now for my sake im goin to answer the questions you put down for me.

1: am i a christian? yes, i cose this religion mself when i was 12 at summer camp. i had already been a christain in a way but i haddent chosen it for myself. that day i learned what my futer was to be, or at least i started to. and i was also warned that the path that i am to tred was a long, and hard one that could be easly sent to stray. i now know what that ment. this adiction.

2: how is my life going right now? the phrase "I think you already know it ISNT working so well"
is probible the biggest understatement of my life. heck, ever sence i started looking at porn my lifes gone in a slump. when i once could feel the lord by the thought of the lord i then couldent. my heart once filled with joy became a black endless hole that no matter how hard i tried i couldent climb out of. i had to breack up with my girlfreind who i loved more then anyone else so because if i didnt i know i would hurt her greatly. i dont think i've been able to make eye contact with anyone close to me because of my shame. my abilites in track where rappidly fading away along with my dreams of living my life for the lord. so yea i where pretty close when you said i was going to lose alot, but a little off. i had already lost it.

3: have i read any of the bible? yes. m vary first instructions where to read first and second samule
and many times i have re-read the part about the women taking a bath on the roof, and every time i have tried to pray and say i would stop but i have failed.

i have understood everything you have said and i have already gotten rid of my laptop wich was my only sorce. at the moment my only freind i can confide in is standing right behind me makeing sure i dont look at any porn. and im at his house on his laptop writing this.

thank you for everything,

the lost traveler [my name is stephen(steven)]



dkgnew -> RE: how do i stop looking at porn PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!! (4/21/2007 9:55:06 AM)

I have to say that from my own experience that sounds like yours, the only way to stay victorious is to admit everyday that you are totally helpless to attain to God's standard.
We need his holy spirit's power.
Then, refuse to accept the LIE that you cannot stop. I'm 39 and not very long ago, I learned the that the only way to stop was:
refuse to do anything that would stir up those passions.
I gave my fiancee my password to my email and she clears out my spam emails
And I told her about my struggle.
Ever since that, I don't even think about it.
I use to go for months and feel pretty good and sure about myself. then I would feel alone or bored and allow that lustful spirit to entice me. It could be just a exercise infomercial on tv that would kick start the Idea.
for that reason, whenever i watch tv. I don't watch music videos, and worldly stuff like that, because I'm quite aware of my struggles in that area.
Many of Us, may not indulge in Porn but still have a lustful, or flirtatious way about us that betrays our Christian testimony.
Peter, thought he would always be faithful to Christ. But he denied him (this was after he had cast out devils in his name).
Peter did not realize then that his victory over SELF lies in Denying self Not Christ.
Many Christians fail in one struggle or another and give up, because they did not press on thru.
Brother, Do not give up!



bigfrank -> RE: how do i stop looking at porn PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!! (4/22/2007 2:31:54 AM)

I've been on this road for a while, and I finally found a way out. I isolated my problem: it was my computer. More specifically me being alone with my computer. I had no accountability. I now do. I downloaded a free program called x3watch, which emails the questionable sites that I could possibly go to, to an accountability partner. Now I know that someone is always watching my every move, and I HAVE to be honest and keep it clean. I also installed another free program called k-9 web protection that is another safeguard. It stops me from going to questionable sites and makes me think about whether they are truly necessary, which 100% of the time, they aren't. No system is absolutely perfect, but I believe that this one is jolly well close. I haven't had any temptations since I installed them. I can't tell you how beautiful it is to be free. I AM FREE!!! SWEET VICTORY!!! ALL of you who don't think you can do it, you can, you just need to find the exact source of your problem and find a solution. Take heart and live the life that God intended you to live.

Kevin



cfl777 -> RE: how do i stop looking at porn PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!! (4/24/2007 2:09:44 AM)

quote:

First, create hurdles to your accessing porn. Try filtering software for your computer. Let someone else set it up so you don't have the password.

quote:

I've been on this road for a while, and I finally found a way out. I isolated my problem: it was my computer. More specifically me being alone with my computer. I had no accountability. I now do. I downloaded a free program called x3watch, which emails the questionable sites that I could possibly go to, to an accountability partner. Now I know that someone is always watching my every move, and I HAVE to be honest and keep it clean. I also installed another free program called k-9 web protection that is another safeguard. It stops me from going to questionable sites and makes me think about whether they are truly necessary, which 100% of the time, they aren't. No system is absolutely perfect, but I believe that this one is jolly well close. I haven't had any temptations since I installed them. I can't tell you how beautiful it is to be free. I AM FREE!!! SWEET VICTORY!!! ALL of you who don't think you can do it, you can, you just need to find the exact source of your problem and find a solution. Take heart and live the life that God intended you to live.


I too used this method to create a barrier to my computer porn problem. I asked my wife to set a password on the computer filtering system and this worked for quite a while....then one night i was bored...found a way to disable the filtering software and access porn......right then, I realized that this evil was killing me ....... I got down on my knees and prayed for help. I closed the computer down and haven't been back to it in three weeks....(this was about thrre or four months ago) I prayed long and hard for FREEDOM and I know God set me free.

And he has, since that time I don't have much of a desire to look at porn.....and whenever I am bored and alone...I play Pool!!



Equutaine -> RE: how do i stop looking at porn PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!! (4/25/2007 5:28:10 PM)

I cannot recommend this site enough.

www.pureintimacy.org

Although focused on sexuality, this site deals with addictions of all kinds (the why's and so forth), and can be--at times--heart wrenching.



DreadPirateRandy -> RE: how do i stop looking at porn PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!! (4/28/2007 7:30:28 PM)

Briefly reading the songs of Solomon lately has really emancipated my feelings concerning the whole sexual aspect of addiction. I would recommend doing the same. It truly brings about an additional, fresh, light of hope in waiting.

Walk everyday. Begin to notice God and His creation more. Of how the birds sing so harmoniously, the trees swaying in perfect sync, and as the flowers unearth their splendour with each blossom. He loves it, I promise you.



sonntag -> RE: how do i stop looking at porn PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!! (4/28/2007 11:15:28 PM)

hey, can someone on please helpme to stop looking a porn. :(



sonntag -> RE: how do i stop looking at porn PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!! (4/29/2007 10:07:34 PM)

hey, thi message board will not let me pm no one on here can some one fex this message board.



TedGraham -> RE: how do i stop looking at porn PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!! (5/10/2007 2:43:26 PM)

http://www.xxxchurch.com/ is a good resourse and also look for the book and seminar called Every Mans Battle. [8|]



canadiantrip -> RE: how do i stop looking at porn PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!! (5/11/2007 4:43:46 PM)

I was once addicted to porn too and the temptation continues everyday as the devil knows my past and weaknesses. I am into computer job and loves internet. So imagine the temptation online.

From my personal experience, I effortlessly overcome it by reading the book "Good Morning Holy Spirit" by benny hinn. This is not a book about breaking bondages or stuff like that. It is just a different view on how to be closer to God through the Holy Spirit.

The bottom line is, be closer to God by regular communication through the Holy Spirit, in work, road, home, wherever.

Also, once you feel the temptation, do other things that will take your mind out of it. If the porn is from computer, get rid of the computer. Lawn the grass or shoot some basketball. Just to take your mind out of it completely. If the computer is in your private room, take it out to the living room where other people can see you.

The battle continues, so don't give up. You can win it. We can win it.



rosswell59 -> RE: how do i stop looking at porn PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!! (5/14/2007 11:15:28 PM)

It is important as one has said that you have trusted Christ as your savior. The thing to do is confess your sins to God and ask Him to help you to overcome your lusts. The important thing is to keep short accounts. Confess your sins as soon as you get that sinking feeling "here I go again." The flesh in us delights in keeping us off balance any way it can and porn is a powerful tool. The thing the flesh is most discouraged by is a humble and contright heart before God so I suggest you go there often,
as often as it takes to overcome this addiction. Remember, the flesh is flesh and never improves so don't be surprised when these things rear their ugly head after you think you are clear but just remember to get before the Lord in humility and the flesh will lose its grip on you.
Yours in Christ,
Ross



MowTin -> RE: how do i stop looking at porn PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!! (5/15/2007 12:54:39 PM)

I'm just thinking out loud, I don't really have a "solution," I'm just speculating.

I don't think we need Satan to explain a man's attraction to images of naked females. That's a natural sexual intstinct. What's evil is not this desire to see naked women but rather our indifference to the plight of these women.

Imagine there were a circus show where the most beautiful women from all parts of the globe were on display naked. But they weren't there of their own free will, imagine they were chained and in cages. If you saw one of these women in a cage your initial instinct would be one of attraction to the beauty of their form but you would have another much stronger reaction of outrage because of the cruelty of their captivity. Your feelings of outrage would be too strong for you to possibly enjoy the sight of these beautiful naked women.

However, with porn we don't see any chains or cages. It even looks like a lot of these women enjoy what they're doing but that's not the case. Often they are addicted to drugs or being manipulated by pimps or some of them are just lost souls. And so if we could feel more compassion for these women and outrage at the way they are treated then we wouldn't enjoy these images.

I'm just suggesting another approach. Instead of trying to squash, deny or demonize your natural sexual instincts maybe it's better if we try to cultivate and nurture compassion and empathy for these women. Maybe it's better to pray for compassion than to pray that our sexual desires should disappear.



Saint006 -> RE: how do i stop looking at porn PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!! (5/19/2007 12:07:10 PM)

As someone who has struggled with lust all his life, let me first say that you are not alone in this. As the Bible says, "No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man." (1 Cor. 10:13) It is very common to think that you are the only Christian man who struggles with this; you are not. As for how to stop, here are my suggestions on what has worked for me:
1.) I found that when I did not commit DAILY to my quiet time in the word I fell into this temptation. Paul talks a lot about putting on the whole armor of God and dying to oneself daily and so if you fail to do these things, you are setting yourself up for failure.
2.) I needed to be accountable to someone, whether it is another man or even your wife. A man with secrets will eventually fall, therefore I made it a point to keep nothing from my wife. She has full access to al of my email accounts, web pages, etc. When you realize that someone is watching it helps to avoid the temptation.
3.) Finally, and most importantly, don't get discouraged. I still fail from time to time. I have asked God again and again to take this sin away from me and He still hasn't. I think we all have something specific we struggle with in life. God does this so that we will constantly be reminded that there is no way that we can save ourselves, you will always fail, but God wont. As soon as you sin you must repent and don't reflect on the failure but on the hope of the future. I think we fall back into sin because we always look at the sin and our failure and fail to look at the one who saves us from sin. I hope this helps!



rosswell59 -> RE: how do i stop looking at porn PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!! (5/19/2007 5:20:26 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MowTin

I'm just thinking out loud, I don't really have a "solution," I'm just speculating.

I don't think we need Satan to explain a man's attraction to images of naked females. That's a natural sexual intstinct. What's evil is not this desire to see naked women but rather our indifference to the plight of these women.

Imagine there were a circus show where the most beautiful women from all parts of the globe were on display naked. But they weren't there of their own free will, imagine they were chained and in cages. If you saw one of these women in a cage your initial instinct would be one of attraction to the beauty of their form but you would have another much stronger reaction of outrage because of the cruelty of their captivity. Your feelings of outrage would be too strong for you to possibly enjoy the sight of these beautiful naked women.

However, with porn we don't see any chains or cages. It even looks like a lot of these women enjoy what they're doing but that's not the case. Often they are addicted to drugs or being manipulated by pimps or some of them are just lost souls. And so if we could feel more compassion for these women and outrage at the way they are treated then we wouldn't enjoy these images.

I'm just suggesting another approach. Instead of trying to squash, deny or demonize your natural sexual instincts maybe it's better if we try to cultivate and nurture compassion and empathy for these women. Maybe it's better to pray for compassion than to pray that our sexual desires should disappear.

This seems to me to be a more philosophical approach than scriptural. God allows us to sin to teach us what we are as men born of the flesh. The scriptural pattern is "cease to do evil learn to do good". The first step is judging ourselves before God by confessing our sin. The second step is to seek His grace to be strengthened in the inner man that we will not succomb to these natural desires. After all, there ARE women who enjoy enticing men into lust. One only need to walk through any public place to observe this phenomenon. It may be true that they are spiritual slaves but as sinners, they enjoy such bondage.
Yours in Christ,
Ross



jpritchard -> RE: how do i stop looking at porn PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!! (5/19/2007 5:22:02 PM)

You delete the porn from your computer system (even your favorites), you delete Kazaa or Limewire or whatever resource you use to download the porn, you throw out your tapes/DVDs, and you don't buy anymore.

Thats how you stop :)



MowTin -> RE: how do i stop looking at porn PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!! (5/23/2007 3:12:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: rosswell59

This seems to me to be a more philosophical approach than scriptural. God allows us to sin to teach us what we are as men born of the flesh. The scriptural pattern is "cease to do evil learn to do good". The first step is judging ourselves before God by confessing our sin. The second step is to seek His grace to be strengthened in the inner man that we will not succomb to these natural desires. After all, there ARE women who enjoy enticing men into lust. One only need to walk through any public place to observe this phenomenon. It may be true that they are spiritual slaves but as sinners, they enjoy such bondage.
Yours in Christ,
Ross


Well, you said it: "cease to do evil learn to do good."

Repentence means to change your mind. It means that you've changed your thinking. You see the evil in your deeds.

Unfortunately, a lot of Christians try to deal with sexual issues through "will power" or praying that the desire will disappear. Using will power is sort of like lifting something heavy. Yes, you can lift it and maybe you can keep it lifted for a long time but the weight never gets lighter. The weight is there 24 hours a day 7 days a week waiting for you to tire. Eventually you get tired and drop the weight. You feel guilty and ashamed and you start the cycle all over again.

You'll often find that the more you struggle against your sexual desires the stronger they become. Why? It's because the focus on SELF becomes more intense as you struggle against your desires. You actually become more selfish and the selfish desires become even more powerful.

The solution is to take the focus off of self. Go out and do good. Think about other people and how they feel. Have sympathy for these poor women. As your focus on self diminishes so will your selfish desires. Instead of praying for yourself (by praying for these desires to disappear) maybe you should pray for these women. Pray that they should be set free and be saved to marry godly men and become godly mothers.

I remember the only time when I felt really free of these desires was when I was actively doing good. Focusing on these desires by praying about them and trying to surppress them through will power only makes them stronger. It appears to work for a while but eventually you weaken. It is a losing strategy IMHO.

I think our real problem is not that we lust for these women. I think our real problem is that we don't care about them. If we cared then these images would make us sad instead of lustful.



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