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ORIGINAL: PamelaSue

I'm so glad you brought this thread back to life, John! I can't believe it's been so long! Since before the GT, for goodness sake!

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ORIGINAL: WalkingwithHim2

((((JOHN)))) Your story is beautiful...just beautiful.

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ORIGINAL: John_O

(At various times here people have asked how I know God will bring me my new wife. Below is my answer and a glimpse into my heart (It might need some editing yet))




On September 20, 2005 half my heart went to heaven. She was my miracle, the bride of my youth, the joy of my life. Now all I have left of her is our precious daughter, and eighteen years of memories. Yet I am certain to the very core of my being that God will bring me a new wife.

I knew surprisingly quickly after Michele’s passing that I would remarry. In fact, that certainty came so swiftly that I doubted my own sanity. What man could think about a new wife so quickly after losing the love of his life? But think that I did.

I was on my way to the cemetery to select a plot for Michele. On the way I found myself wondering how many plots to get. I wanted to rest next to Michele but I’m a young man and I couldn’t see myself spending the next fifty years alone. My daughter needs a mother, so I’d need to remarry for her sake if nothing else. These thoughts terrified me. They did not seem at all normal. On the other hand, I had a strange peace about them. Even in that peace I still felt I was somehow being unfaithful to her. And yet Michele had told me years before she died that if she died first she wanted me to remarry.

At the cemetery I found that the cost of the plots was well within my ability to buy three side by side. So I purchased three, one for Michele, one for me, and one for my next wife.

Michele’s dad was there and told me he thought that it was a very wise thing to do. In fact, the words he used were almost exactly the thoughts I had been thinking on the way there. He had peace about me remarrying. Which was an instant second witness to the peace I felt about it and a permission to remarry.

After the funeral I received spoken permission from Michele’s mom to remarry. What an incredible blessing that was to me. I have peace, her parents have peace.

My daughter has been praying for a new mommy almost that long. She has peace with me remarrying (as long as the new mommy likes her).

The bible says that there is safety in a multitude of counselors. All of Michele’s and my friends have lent their support/approval to my remarrying. All our pastors from several different churches, all our relatives on both sides, in fact, nearly everyone who could be counted on as a counselor to me has supported my remarriage. Of course everyone wants to meet and approve of her before they’ll let me marry her.

This is one way I know that God will bring her to me. I figure if any woman can jump through all those hoops than surely God has brought her to me. Then we come to the major miracle, I’ll have to meet her family’s approval. I truly don’t see this happening without divine intervention. And yet I can’t see it not happening. It is inevitable.

I have never seen God as being wasteful or random. Everything has a purpose and a time. From the grass growing to Michele’s passing, everything has a reason.

In the garden God created Eve to be a helpmate for Adam. Why? Because God saw that “it is not good for man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18). We were made to be with our wives. Most of us are incomplete without them. I’ve been told, and I believe, that it was not good for John to be alone before Michele and it is even less good for John to be alone after Michele.

When I met Michele, I was lost and most definitely not looking for a wife. I was happy being a playboy type single man. Fortunately God had other plans for me. Within a few weeks of meeting Michele I could no longer see myself living my life without her. She brought a joy to my life that was indescribable and up to that point unknowable. She is the tool God used to reach me and to save me. Her faith and love for God was an irresistible light to my life. I wanted what she had, and I wanted her to be my wife.

We were married one year after we met and God spent the next eighteen years transforming me into a good husband, through trials and tribulations, love and laughter, joys and jubilations, He shaped me and molded me into the man he wanted me to be. Through Michele’s struggles he taught me sacrificial love, how to give myself for my wife. How to love her completely during the good times and during the bad. How to hold her up when she had no strength and how to be stability for her when her enthusiasm was overflowing. God made me to be a husband.

A husband now without a wife. Why would He have spent all this time molding me if he wasn’t going to use me? I cannot see God letting a well trained husband go to waste, What blacksmith forges a tool just to let it sit and rust? What carpenter builds a table to let it rot from disuse? Why would God forge me into a good husband and not bring me a new wife? He wouldn’t.

The union of a man to his wife is a mystery, Before a man is married he is a complete independent being, able to live and work and thrive. And yet when he marries his wife the two of them become even more complete, even more capable, even more alive. How can this be? I don’t know. But having experienced it I know it to be true. God completed me in Michele. And now with her passing I am again incomplete.

Those of you who’ve read my writing know that I am challenged when it comes to the gift of mercy. I am very much a justice oriented person. “Here is the Word. Here is what is expected of you. Do it and don’t come whining to me if you don’t”. God made me hard for a purpose. He gave me strength to stand under the heaviest assault and not bend or compromise. I needed someone to help me be soft when I needed to be. Michele was that someone. She was the balance to my harshness. Her mercy tempered my hardness, turning that religious sword into a scriptural scalpel.

Before I was married I didn’t know I was incomplete, but like a man blind from birth I lived my life content. Now however I am like that blind man who was taught to see and then had that sight ripped from him. The darkness which was once all he knew is now a foreign and lonely place.

Being alone before Michele I was trapped in serving myself with not too much thought for others. I didn’t know the joys that arose from serving others. I was lost yet didn’t even realize I was lost. Now I find myself alone and most routes of ministry closed to me. How can I help others when I’m not whole myself? How can I perform spiritual surgery when the mercy that softened me is no longer there?

The Word tells us in Ec 4: 9 Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour.
10 For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.

It is difficult for a single man to raise a daughter. I have no one to lift me up when I fall and I have no one to help in my labors and equally important, I have no one to help with their labors. I need a wife, and I know that my God shall supply all my need. (Phil 4:19)

Every man has duties that must be fulfilled. The duty to love his wife and provide for his family is the main calling God has placed on any married man. I have the continuing duty to provide for and protect my daughter. A six year old who’s lost her mommy takes an incredible amount of time and attention. This is a labor of love and a joy always but it doesn’t leave much time to work in the kingdom. When God brings me my new wife We will be able to provide Autumn with so much more security and love and yet give both of us greater opportunities to do the Lords work. Two are better than one.

The bible leads me to believe that most men, especially me, were not meant to be alone. We were meant to dwell with our helpmates, our wives. God has trained me, through 18 years of marriage, to be good husband. He has shown me the completeness I have with my wife. And He has given me peace about remarrying. Why would He have done all these things and then not bring me a wife?

So I know that God will bring me my new wife. I know that I will be able to use the skills and knowledge that He has given me to help her grow more Christ like each day. I know that we will minister to others and to our children with a love that draws people to Christ through us. And I know that the worker of miracles will bring me my second miracle in His time.

I am blessed to have had the wife of my youth and I will be equally blessed to have the wife of my full years.


Proverbs 18:22 Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.

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ORIGINAL: cherishhim

(Crying) you're 3 for 3.

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I thought this was a new post, however, after reading a few posts I realized that you had originally posted this over a year ago. How strange that we are in the same boat and you are so far ahead of me time wise. I have heard alot of your story before, but this helps me to understand even more where you are/were at. I have been praying for you. I'm glad you bumped this.

Blessed are those who have not seen, and yet believe. John 20: 29b

Now to him who is able to do exceedingly, abundantly above all that we could ask or think, according to the power that works in us,... Ephesians 3:20

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ORIGINAL: John_O

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ORIGINAL: cherishhim

(Crying) you're 3 for 3.

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I'm going to have to lay in a supply of tissues I guess.

Just balance the laughs with the tears and it will all be good.

I don't see the tears as a bad thing. Grief share recommends something called "planned grieving" it's part of their "managed grieving" idea.(controling your grieving so it doesn't control you) I really think it works.

_____________________________


"Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a mans character, give him power" - Abraham Lincoln

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ORIGINAL: whatdoesitmatter

This is obviously my waste of time (am referring to my post not yours), but as I happened to skim this I will say: so you need a wife to practice your husband skills on? I dont see whats wonderful about this post, though your faith of a kind might be inspiring to some. And I"ll say why. You existed just fine without whoever may become your "new wife"; in fact, you married your first because you felt you couldnt live without her. And your "new wife" existed during that time. The fact you didnt know her doesnt make much difference. You didnt need her then, but you need her now (or will need her) now that you dont have your first wife nemore...? So whats this other woman - a mere substitute? How would your new wife feel to think that if she was to die too, you would just as soon find someone else to replace her as well? Now, Im not aganist remarriage. However, the way you speak of the whole thing here makes it seem like just a grand event, doing away with (and not doing justice to) the sad aspects of it. While its great that you're ready for a new start and that you're not buried in the pain of your past, all this emphasis on the structure of life ("God made Eve for Adam; man should be with a woman...") in this kinda situation is a bit dehumanizing. Yes, the fact that you or any man might need a woman (and vice versa) is a fact of life, in most cases, but its just unfortunate to hear such matters being discussed in this mechanical way. You may argue all you like that its not, but your post doesnt ring of nethin else.

Your daughter wants/needs a mother. Its hard for you as a single man to raise her on your own. So you need a new woman. You're certain God will provide - you say He HAS to, coz He made Adam for Eve, and where Adam has lost Eve, He provides a second Eve. All very logical, but your sorta enthusiasm and certainty just isnt appealing. To me nehow, which doesnt matter to you neway. After she died, you just knew straight away He would, did you. You could so quickly see someone else in her place already (and that not from the belief that your first marriage was a mistake or sumthin, as you believe it was His will)? No Im not accusing. It just seems thats what you said. I dont know who to feel sad for more: your old wife or your new. But esp for your child's sake, I do hope God blesses you and that you have a good life.

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ORIGINAL: cherishhim
I (and John too) was left behind to live this life. If He wanted us to lay down and die, He would have taken us too.

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ORIGINAL: redwhiterose

I feel like when we die, we are united with Christ very quickly. And the love God gives us...the Father and the Holy Spirit...along with Christ...is so complete, that it is beyond human comprehension. It is like a blind man telling us what it is like to see. There is no way to relate it to anything we have ... we are all broken and love imperfectly, here on earth.

That is why I think it fine for people to move along quickly after a love one dies. Nobody but nobody can replace that person. However, you need to live your life here on earth. And a new person can begin something new in you that you did not know you had before.

My mother's boyfriend looked her up within 2 months of his wife passing away...and they are both in their 70s. He told my mom that he told God "I want to live!" after he got through the shock of his wife passing.

I hope you find the wife you are looking for. I will be praying that for you, John O.

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My new wife will not replace M. She'll be new in my (and my daughter's) life. She will not compete with M. She won't have to.

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ORIGINAL: shemaromans

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My new wife will not replace M. She'll be new in my (and my daughter's) life. She will not compete with M. She won't have to.

That's a very important item for your new wife to know.

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My new wife will not replace M. She'll be new in my (and my daughter's) life. She will not compete with M. She won't have to.

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shemaromans That's a very important item for your new wife to know.

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He remarried a widow. They are so comfortable with each other that on occasion they slip and call each other by their late spouse's name. Both of them look on it as a compliment "She is so very comfortable with me, and loves me so much, that she called me by so-and-so's name" It's like they've arrived and filled that very important place in their spouse's life.

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ORIGINAL: cherishhim
Okay, I'll put the disclaimer first. I think that (especially if there are children) the deceased spouse should have a presence in the home. Pictures, some of their things.Etc. However, if the one left behind is so attached to things that the previous spouse bought, like furniture etc. I would question weather they are ready for a relationship. If the new spouse comes in and wants to change things for example and they can afford it. It should be okay. So that said...

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He remarried a widow. They are so comfortable with each other that on occasion they slip and call each other by their late spouse's name. Both of them look on it as a compliment "She is so very comfortable with me, and loves me so much, that she called me by so-and-so's name" It's like they've arrived and filled that very important place in their spouse's life.

This would bother me. I probably would not say anything, unless it happened all the time. But Every person wants to be in the center of their spouses heart. It would not be an honor to me to be called by my spouses previous wifes name. The bolded part gave me the shivers...just being honest.

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ORIGINAL: John_O

It's highly likely that I'd keep my current furniture with the exception that if the new stuff was as comfortable as what I have we could get it. (I really don't care too much what it looks like as long as it sits well, and my furniture sits real well)

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They were both married upwards of 20 years.

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ORIGINAL: cherishhim

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ORIGINAL: John_O

It's highly likely that I'd keep my current furniture with the exception that if the new stuff was as comfortable as what I have we could get it. (I really don't care too much what it looks like as long as it sits well, and my furniture sits real well)

Okay, so you like it, but what if your hypothetical wife does not. (and there is alot of comfortable stuff out there, that is really not an issue)

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With H & W you bring stuff with you and she with her and you combine lives. And pray for synergism...

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ORIGINAL: John_O

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ORIGINAL: cherishhim

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ORIGINAL: John_O

It's highly likely that I'd keep my current furniture with the exception that if the new stuff was as comfortable as what I have we could get it. (I really don't care too much what it looks like as long as it sits well, and my furniture sits real well)

Okay, so you like it, but what if your hypothetical wife does not. (and there is alot of comfortable stuff out there, that is really not an issue)

As long as it's comfortable. (I've never had anyone sit on my sofas and say they didn't love the way they felt)

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With H & W you bring stuff with you and she with her and you combine lives. And pray for synergism...

Almost right. You don't pray for synergism, you work for it.