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RE: 40-Something and Single Encoragment Thread - 7/1/2006 9:45:34 AM
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Dags800
Posts: 20
Joined: 9/20/2005
From: Ohio
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As a 44 year old divorced single mother, I've found this thread very encouraging. I've tried nearly every Christian dating site on the internet (and oh, the stories I could tell!), having friends fix me up, going out in big groups with someone I wanted to get to know better...all the ways I could think of to find someone. And my conclusion was this...I was just trying way too hard. I admire so much the people who can be content being single, and this is now my constant prayer, for me to fall totally and completely in love with God.
Maybe someday I'll find someone, and maybe I won't. But today I am okay with that!
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RE: 40-Something and Single Encoragment Thread - 7/1/2006 10:46:09 AM
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valenciarose
Posts: 27
Joined: 5/13/2006
From: here between orange groves and rose gardens
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quote:
and this is now my constant prayer, for me to fall totally and completely in love with God.
AMEN!!!!
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RE: 40-Something and Single Encoragment Thread - 7/1/2006 4:36:54 PM
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pruned
Posts: 1082
Joined: 4/12/2005
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About half of my church's adults are single in one way or another. We are located in the midst of a college town with more than one grad school. And we have no vibrant singles ministries for any age group in any of our churches in this town. There are no Parents Without Partners or other groups of singles in close proximity to us either. We would probably have to drive 100 miles or so to find an active singles ministry or club of any kind.
However, we meet and get to know each other. We meet together for coffee at the coffee shop or downtown at the summer brown bag at the park. In other words, we cannot rely on an organization, any organization, providing the framework for us to just show up and meet people, knowing everyone's single. We must be more proactive or we sit at home and watch game shows while others are out living life. (Remember Marcia Gay Harden's character in Mona Lisa Smile?)
I'm statistically in the last half of my life, too. According to this chart everyone who is 40 has reached that distinction. (I thought the average lifespan was longer than that.) But, I'm planning for the last half of my life to be better than the first half now that I've earned my Badge of Courage, star for wisdom, and diploma in the School of Hard Knocks. And whether I'm single or married, in a relationship or out of one, I plan to enjoy myself to the best of my ability.
BTW, this post is not to make others feel bad about statements they've made in regards to singles ministries or lack thereof. I was just observing that it's not an option for those in this location either, yet there is a definite need.
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RE: 40-Something and Single Encoragment Thread - 7/1/2006 5:01:36 PM
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dsfuva
Posts: 1844
Joined: 8/25/2005
From: Virginia
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quote:
ORIGINAL: photonut
It's funny - I've said this about the churches for a long time - they're missing the boat when it comes to the Singles in their 30's and 40's. Sure, there are a ton of things for divorced people, but for never marrieds, it's really lacking.
It gets me frustrated, to say the least........
I agree. My church has no singles ministry. They have a young adults group which even has its own worship service on Sunday evenings. Although the service is open to all, folks over 35 are clearly out of place, and the group essentially functions as a clique.
A number of older singles have asked the church to consider ministry to singles, but the requests keep falling on deaf ears. I'd consider leaving, except that I like my church in most other respects and I'm not sure it would be any better anywhere else, especially given the efforts of Albert Mohler, Debbie Maken, Candice Watters and company to stigmatize singles in the church who don't marry by a certain age.
I'm grateful for the encouragement I receive from other singles in this forum. It helps me to press on.
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RE: 40-Something and Single Encoragment Thread - 7/1/2006 5:07:33 PM
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gaylel1
Posts: 1282
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Southern California, the land of Fruit and nuts...
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I think it would be best for christian singles to don't listen or read to those authors further stigmatizing singles. These people are not God, they do not know your future and they are just men and women who want to rile singles up instead of ignoring them alltogether.
< Message edited by gaylel1 -- 7/1/2006 5:11:16 PM >
_____________________________
Hear "The Truth" with the "other"l Jeff Johnson(http://www.calvarydowney.org)
Visit me at http:www.gayleplace.blogspot.com or http://www.myspace.com/gaylel121
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RE: 40-Something and Single Encoragment Thread - 7/1/2006 5:31:11 PM
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princessreba
Posts: 378
Joined: 11/30/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: gaylel1
I think it would be best for christian singles to don't listen or read to those authors further stigmatizing singles. These people are not God, they do not know your future and they are just men and women who want to rile singles up instead of ignoring them alltogether.
I agree, it makes me very angry how they try to put us in their little "categories". Each
single person has there own unique personality traits and history.
_____________________________
Irish Princess-"If racing against mere men makes you tired, how will you race against horses? If you stumble & fall on open ground, what will you do in the thickets?" Jeremiah 12:5
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RE: 40-Something and Single Encoragment Thread - 7/1/2006 11:12:52 PM
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HisSrvnt
Posts: 1
Joined: 7/1/2006
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I´m 43 never married but at the stage of my life or maybe it´s maturity (finally), to be really enjoying what I get to do. And although I desire marriage, if I had to make a choice between staying in ministry or marrying I´d pick ministry. When I first joined the team I work with the only ones here were all married couples...that took some getting used to for me and them. God blessed in amazing ways and despite not having many singles to fellowship with I have some wonderful married friends who exemplify great marriages and from whom I´ve learned so much.
The church and culture I work with are not used to single women in ministry (work on a foreign field), let alone living on their own, so it´s been interesting...more for them I´m sure. They naturally assume that I must sit home boo hooing because I´m not married and don´t have children; I don´t; I love my life! Once I've shared with them that my desire is more for God's will rather than to be married so that I could say I'm now whole, "I'm married." My pastor once said the only reason for a christian to get married is because it's God's will...wise words I think.
As far as the age difference, I´d prefer to marry someone younger just because I identify with younger people, I´m sure part of that is due to not having had all the concerns and responsibilities of a family and husband. Who knows...it helps also that I look 10 years younger, thanks to good genes!
Isn´t 40 supposed to be the "new 30"...whatever that means? I say hang in there, we really never know what the Lord has planned, in the meantime be busy about His work so that there are no regrets and wishing for singleness after having wished for marriage.
Oh but just to be clear...I've been there with the obsessing over whether or not I'd be married....what a waste of time! I came to the realization that if he cared enough to save me, then surely he cared about every facet of my life here on earth. It was freeing to know I could trust him with everything and trust him to know what is best for my life. I have to say he's done a spectacular job...I LOVE what I get to do!
HisServant
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RE: 40-Something and Single Encoragment Thread - 7/1/2006 11:55:42 PM
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mutinywxgirl
Posts: 12901
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: west coast of FL
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Welcome HisSrvnt! You should be warmly welcomed by all of us, and it's good to know that there are more of us out there. I look forward to your input in the coming months.
_____________________________
When blood and water hit the ground.
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive.
The day true love died. The day true love died.
Lisa is happy THE ROWDIES ARE BACK!
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RE: 40-Something and Single Encoragment Thread - 7/2/2006 12:12:58 AM
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valenciarose
Posts: 27
Joined: 5/13/2006
From: here between orange groves and rose gardens
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My church once had a mature singles group... It was led and hosted by a married couple--- my late hubby and I. ( I still laugh.) Now, everyone that was involved is married and or moved on...and now I'm alone. Church is mostly Marrieds in every stage.... and LOTS of seniors, but it is not just my church.. it is the community in general. It is rather pricey here for a man or woman to go alone, unless they are in the senior living complexes. Even though I may be widowed we are still a family... I enjoy hanging out with the parents of my sons' friends, and my boys get the bonus of seeing other families in action (role modeling). So what if I don't have many oppertunities to meet other singles my age, when it suits God in His timing, it will happen.
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RE: 40-Something and Single Encoragment Thread - 7/2/2006 8:54:14 AM
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princessreba
Posts: 378
Joined: 11/30/2005
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That's why I'm not comfortable with singles' functions, they are mostly geared to the younger
crowd with alot of "surface" or "fleshly" stuff going on...
_____________________________
Irish Princess-"If racing against mere men makes you tired, how will you race against horses? If you stumble & fall on open ground, what will you do in the thickets?" Jeremiah 12:5
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RE: 40-Something and Single Encoragment Thread - 7/3/2006 3:47:57 PM
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bucsgirl
Posts: 33
Joined: 7/1/2006
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I belong to a HUGE church in a very metropolitan area.
We also haven't seemed to be able to keep an "older" (COUGH!) I mean maturer singles' group going. They've changed around the Sunday School/church schedule and the classes so much, I'd have to log on to see if there is still a class. I'll freely admit I haven't been active in a few months, but am torn between looking for another church or going back there.
Just been lots of changes, and I don't feel the "homey" type of atmosphere. I do miss it. So many of my friends are no longer there, our age group of singles is very transitory.
I have a lot of good online friends, some Christians some not. We do stay in touch, sometimes once in awhile sometimes more often. We do share our lives' experiences and I think that's what's important. We've all been through a lot together, we're always there for each other.
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RE: 40-Something and Single Encoragment Thread - 7/3/2006 4:43:09 PM
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princessreba
Posts: 378
Joined: 11/30/2005
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My church isn't very big, so there are no singles around my age and I know of no good
singles ministry in my area geared to the "mature" set. When I go to my married friends'
houses, I feel out of place with all the activity and confusion with their families, since I
have no children of my own. So, this thread is kind of a support to me.
Rebecca
_____________________________
Irish Princess-"If racing against mere men makes you tired, how will you race against horses? If you stumble & fall on open ground, what will you do in the thickets?" Jeremiah 12:5
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RE: 40-Something and Single Encoragment Thread - 7/3/2006 8:48:17 PM
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princessreba
Posts: 378
Joined: 11/30/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: valenciarose
Back to trying to encourage... In the last two years, since I have returned to the face of the earth..., I have been trying to get involved in ministries of various sorts, where my talents and interests and the Lord's direction take me. I have met so many more people!! So far, it has been only friends, but it has gotten me out of the "poor me" mode. Life is not about me, and my "quest". (HaHa, it is no longer a quest!!- I gave it to the Lord!) But .... the other day an older lady did say... I'd like to introduce you to on of my sons... (who does not attend at my church) he he  Nothing has come of it, but I know that is how things can start!!! Obedience to the Lord is primary. 
Amen! First seek the kingdom of God...
But ministering tio others turns our focus from inward to others and gives us a sense of purpose.
Rebecca
_____________________________
Irish Princess-"If racing against mere men makes you tired, how will you race against horses? If you stumble & fall on open ground, what will you do in the thickets?" Jeremiah 12:5
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RE: 40-Something and Single Encoragment Thread - 7/4/2006 12:55:48 AM
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ronniwho
Posts: 11
Joined: 8/8/2005
From: Garden of the Gods
Status: offline
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43, going thru a divorce, can't imagine never being married at this age, don't think I've even known anyone never married by their 40's. becoming single at this age is a scarey thing, especially since I have to also find a career! Gotta find a career, gotta find singles of my age group in a new town, looking for a church large enough to have a single crowd (the church I have been going to is mainly homeschooling families). lots of change for me and I'm lost. Not interested in dating, but sure like to hang around with guys (tomboy at heart). can't imagine living the rest of my life single, but marriage can bring a lot of pain - which pain is worse? most of you sound never-married so I won't find an answer here.... I'm rambling, aren't I?
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RE: 40-Something and Single Encoragment Thread - 7/4/2006 1:00:39 AM
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mutinywxgirl
Posts: 12901
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: west coast of FL
Status: offline
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No, you'll find a lot of divorced people around here, so don't worry about rambling. That's what we all do.
Welcome ronni!
_____________________________
When blood and water hit the ground.
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive.
The day true love died. The day true love died.
Lisa is happy THE ROWDIES ARE BACK!
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RE: 40-Something and Single Encoragment Thread - 7/4/2006 12:07:20 PM
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gaylel1
Posts: 1282
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Southern California, the land of Fruit and nuts...
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: valenciarose
always single, divorced and widowed.... mature singles are a grab bag- and our attitudes are as varied as the yellow pages church listings. I know my own attitude changes almost every day! But being a woman I see the cycles.... but that should be a different forum!!! 
Yeah! you said it...  I'm not going to say as a widow (and I'm not gonna dwell about the 14 years this August about the loss because dwelling is not good--and it not really moving forward, but moving backward)
But widows do want to be loved too!! and its not like, ok, you are replacing your hubby, but moving forward with someone else, which I want to do someday..
One thing I did regret is that I did not have children with D, and at 47, sometimes I just wish God send me someone which can love me w/o all the judgementalism and all that...
Ok, back down on my soapbox, because I'm human too..
_____________________________
Hear "The Truth" with the "other"l Jeff Johnson(http://www.calvarydowney.org)
Visit me at http:www.gayleplace.blogspot.com or http://www.myspace.com/gaylel121
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RE: 40-Something and Single Encoragment Thread - 7/4/2006 12:35:51 PM
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bucsgirl
Posts: 33
Joined: 7/1/2006
Status: offline
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I was widowed from my second husband at 34. Had 4 children from my first marriage that I raised alone. My story is pretty long and involved I'll post it sometime if I can find the appropriate forum to do so.
Since my husband's death I've been privileged to appear on 2 talk shows, one nationally televised one, one local one and profess that my faith in Christ was what brought me through the tragedy that claimed my husband's life and nearly claimed my own. I've also been able to speak to several of my church groups, it's always been a wonderful experience.
I've had to deal with people having pity on me because of what happened, and that was another thing that I had to overcome. I had to personally replace the label of victim with victor and then eventually overcomer.
We all are overcomers, if we choose to be. The strength and power to overcome any obstacle, setback in our lives is already promised to us in Scripture. It's ours to claim and believe that God's promises are real. It's not always the big things, sometimes it's the smaller things that weight us down and rob us of a life of joy.
I've also been involved in singles groups at church, in the community, on the internet. And met many wonderful friends, had some dates which were almost all just a first. I did have a few relationships here and there. But I've learned that whatever has happened in my life God has allowed for a purpose. To make me the woman I am today, and that was God's choice, not mine. Things happen that we could not have forseen nor controlled.
I'm sure that most would say thinking back to their 20's they wouldn't have thought that we'd be 40 and single. None of us probably imagined it (I AM assuming here) nor would most of us had wanted it. But that is the reality. I know that sometimes my battles with my will and myself are day to day things. Small it would seem, yet things I have to overcome.
I don't know you all yet, I hope to spend time here and get to know you. I hope what I said and anything I have to say is positive, ulifting and encouraging. I've learned that's really my ministry is to encourage.
I hope that we can all overcome any stigma that's attached to being single. It isn't a curse, we may not perceive of it as a blessing, just know that you are all precious in the sight of God and God wants us to trust in Him fully for the fulfillment of joy in our lives.
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RE: 40-Something and Single Encoragment Thread - 7/4/2006 1:16:58 PM
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princessreba
Posts: 378
Joined: 11/30/2005
Status: offline
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Thank you bucsgirl for your testimony, very inspiring!! The Lord does call us to difficult roads
sometimes but He also gives us spirits of conquerors in His name. God bless you! Are you
from the Tampa Bay area?
Rebecca
_____________________________
Irish Princess-"If racing against mere men makes you tired, how will you race against horses? If you stumble & fall on open ground, what will you do in the thickets?" Jeremiah 12:5
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RE: 40-Something and Single Encoragment Thread - 7/4/2006 1:27:24 PM
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bucsgirl
Posts: 33
Joined: 7/1/2006
Status: offline
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Yes, Rebecca I live in Largo, just east of Tampa. That's my handle a big time football fanatic (shorted to fan....haha) oF the Buccaneers. I would be glad to post my story if you think it would be of encouragement to others. I just would want to post it in the appropriate place.
I posted it on the singles website I've been on for years, and had a really terrific response.
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