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guy advice - 6/24/2008 1:19:11 PM
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lionofzion56
Posts: 16
Joined: 6/23/2008
Status: offline
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o.k. i need some simple, yet godly advice, if anybodys got any for me.
i started going to a church with my friend aside from my home church. when i went there i saw this guy across the room and felt like, an instant connection. i found out that there was a young adult ministry there so i went in hopes of meeting this guy i saw, and i did meet him, and he seemed like, really nice and possibly interested in being friends with me. so i was happy. but, then, i started to persue or "chase" him and that pretty much ended our friendship from the beginning. at the time that i realized that was not the way things should go, the Lord really dealt with me about guarding my heart and not being so eager to give it all away. so i am growing in the Lord. but here is my thing. I still like this person, and I am really asking God for a godly husband. I still want to get to know this guy but he doesnt talk to me, or anything, yet, somehow I feel like if I hadnt have pushed so hard at first, we might even be dating by now..... because at first he seemed to like me too. and i think maybe he still does but that hes afraid now that i will want too much too soon and stuff. how can i know if he likes me, or how can i ......help(?) him to see that i am honestly persuing God and letting Him change my heart so that I can be someone worthy to be with?
see, i think he likes me, but is just turned off by how i acted. how can this be restored?
sorry so long...... what do you guys think????
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RE: guy advice - 6/24/2008 2:38:43 PM
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ChoirDJ
Posts: 473
Joined: 6/15/2006
From: So Cal
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You were very wise to step back and acknowledge that your "overeagerness" in pursuing the relationship scared him away as you probably came across as needy and desperate. The key is understanding that God is ultimately who brings people together and we botch things up when we try to take matters into our own hands. Keep your focus on God and pray everyday about your heart's desire with the preface that you want God's will first and foremost. Allow God to bring this person to you if it is His will. Keep any conversations with the guy light-hearted and casual because you are trying to help him to see that the overly eagerness is not how you are typically (if it is, you need to work on that). The guy knows you are interested and he'll pursue if it's meant to be.
_____________________________
"Sin will take you further than you intended to go, keep you there longer than you intended to stay, and cost you more than you intended to spend." Got it?
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RE: guy advice - 6/24/2008 4:54:18 PM
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evryknee
Posts: 276
Joined: 3/9/2008
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Hard to say. You think you came on strong. You felt an instant connection. You think he was interested. He seemed to back off. You think he likes you and you know you like him.
Too many interpretations of what you think he thinks, etc. 2 choices are to follow what ChoirDJ said and to let it go and trust God that if it was meant to be, it is meant to be and he will pursue you or to just ask him if he might be interested in seeing if something is there. For some, this would be a turnoff, for others, an encouraging assertiveness.
quote:
how can i ......help(?) him to see that i am honestly persuing God and letting Him change my heart so that I can be someone worthy to be with?
It's not about helping him to see it. Just do it, not worrying about what he thinks. If this is your heart's desire, to know God, than pursue it in private and corporately. If you do it for someone else, it will not last. If you do it because you love the Lord, than that is all you need.
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RE: guy advice - 6/24/2008 5:03:11 PM
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lionofzion56
Posts: 16
Joined: 6/23/2008
Status: offline
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i see what you are saying....i am at a place where i am depending on God more than ever. and at the same time i am learning and understanding that He will always be the final answer, the one who knows my heart. the one that i can go to ..... with anything and everything. yet i feel such a strong desire to have a friend, and someone to love and beloved by..... thanks for responding.....
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RE: guy advice - 6/24/2008 10:26:58 PM
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d1sturbanc3
Posts: 20
Joined: 5/27/2008
Status: offline
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I had this experience before. I once had a girl shove her phone number on me... when I wasn't looking for it, and it was a big turn off.
Pray about it is the first thing of all. Then understand human nature.
I been reading a lot about human nature especially in the world of dating, and I've actually manage to get a decent model.
Attraction/"chemistry" isn't a choice. Either that guy likes you based on your first conversation or he doesn't. He doesn't have a choice and neither do you.
Also we humans/guys or girls in that fact are attracted to people who know their purpose and uses his/her skill for that purpose. I'm not talking about the general "give glory to God" purpose. It's has to be specific. Like honor god by playing/singing in a worship band, or show hospitality by cooking or bring snacks to small group. If you find your purpose and show it to that guy, and he is attracted to that purpose or skill, he will be attracted to you. The better you get with your spiritual gift the more attracted he will be with you.
I've learned in my past experiences not to pursue people, but to show purpose and meet those who share the same purpose so that they will pursue me.
In my case I'm attracted to girls who has music ability. So to find my purpose, I'm learning another instrument and beefing up my music skills with lessons and classes. I'm hoping to honor God by playing music and hopefully I'll meet Miss. Lucky. :)
Anyway, stop worrying/thinking about how to get him to attract you, but figure out a purpose/skill in your life so that he will be attracted to you. Make you life shine, so he will come to you.
God bless.
< Message edited by d1sturbanc3 -- 6/24/2008 10:33:22 PM >
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RE: guy advice - 6/30/2008 9:23:12 PM
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makarizo
Posts: 2930
Joined: 4/13/2005
Status: online
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lionofzion56 - i love that name!!! =)
quote:
how can i know if he likes me, or how can i ......help(?) him to see that i am honestly persuing God and letting Him change my heart so that I can be someone worthy to be with?
2 things...... God might have someone wayyyyy better mapped out for you,
and, all you can do is share your faith. expecting nothing in return.
I am drawn to women like that.
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RE: guy advice - 7/7/2008 11:12:58 PM
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TheRefinersFire
Posts: 38
Joined: 7/6/2008
From: Sudbury, Ontario
Status: offline
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A friend gave me good advice. Act like you just want to be friends. Like you want nothing else but to be friends. If you both are to be good for each other, then you both will just "gravitate" to each other. My advice is to stay in the group and take part in the group -- not to be with a guy, but to be part of the group. Talk to other guys too, but not to look like you "like" them. Just be part of the group. Show your interest in God, the bible, and living the Christian life. It may take some time, but if he is interested, he will talk to you. And the greatest advice I or any one else could give, pray about it. If he is not the right guy for you, then you should take your eyes off him.
Father, I ask that you give lionofzion56 the wisdom she needs in this area, and only if it's your will this person she is interested in will pursue her. Father I ask that you lead lionofzion56 int he way she should go. In Jesus' glorious name I pray in. Amen.
_____________________________
I used to be called NewChristian1. The change is a reflection of the season of my life.
2 Tim. 4:2. Eph. 4; 1 Cor. 12
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RE: guy advice - 7/9/2008 3:19:29 PM
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terryjohn
Posts: 446
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: online
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Most guys if they are men of vision and ambition can not see marrage as anything other than a burden that will stand in their way of achieving what they want to do.Mosy guys want to travell and throw themselves into a career and a serious relationship would in their minds only prevent them from doing that. Hence, there is no fear of committment just an unwillingness to take on responibilities that will prevent them from doing what they want to do. Now some say that is irresponsible but it is in fact responsible to have a vision and stick to it come what may. Any woman who would want to distract a man from a calling or what he has set his heart on and to turn him aside and pay all attention to her is, how shall we put it? Selfish?
We are so interested in entrapping others into self seeking relationships because we ourselves have no vision of Chirst. Personally if you do not share this mans vision then please for the sake of Christ leave him alone. In stead set about focusing on yourself in Christ. That is once you have seen who you can be in Christ, you too will not be interested in having others distract you from being all you can be and if you be in fact in Christ, you will have to beat suitors off with a big stick. By all means love others but love is not selfseeking and only wants the best for others. You could then say in this light that if you really loved this guy you would wan to find him someone better than yourself. To not want to do this, would be sin.
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