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What is behind all of this? - 7/5/2008 8:27:01 PM
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ry_guy
Posts: 25
Status: offline
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This has happened to me at least twice within the past year and a few other times in my life (I'm in my twenties, btw). I post on a number of Christian sites online, and at times I come across women who try to befriend me really quickly and use very strong language. For example, about a year ago, this girl started emailing me and texting me on my phone with very friendly and lol-type messages. She asked me really upfront questions that hinted at marriage and so forth. I was kind in turn (without using provocative language), but I was very wary. Sure enough, one day, after about a week of communicating, she suddenly took me off her friend's list on myspace, and when I sent a text to her on the phone, she did not respond. I have not heard from her since then.
A few years ago something similiar happened, except the girl started professing her love for me. Then, one day, she stopped all contact with me, and I later learned that she married her ex.
But I think it's just about to happen again. This girl started chatting with me on a Christian singles site. Within the first day of talking online, she started making advances towards me (without even knowing what I look like). For example, she said things like "random thought: the new Batman movie comes out this weekend." Just the language she used made me feel like she really wanted me to come meet her (she's in the same geographic area). Last night, she texted me like crazy about meeting her at this bar where she was with friends. So, I was like, ok. I went there, and we met and everything, talked some, but I felt like she wasn't too excited to meet me. I texted her today, but her responses were much shorter, like "yes," "no," unlike the long and frequent texts yesterday. I just have a feeling that she's going to break off contact with me altogether...
I don't say anything bad to these girls. I just don't understand the psychology of this. What is going on here?
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RE: What is behind all of this? - 7/5/2008 10:48:41 PM
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Dakotasunbeam
Posts: 1103
Joined: 6/2/2005
From: Midwest USA
Status: offline
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ry_guy,
This has a very simple answer. Fantasy.
Online, you can say almost anything you want. Many people on these online sites are "looking for companionship/hookup). Even Christian sites. It's easy to say things to flirt with someone online, because your mind fills in the blanks. The truth is a little more clear cut than reality.
Some people have totally different online personas then who they are in reality. In all of your scenarios, the initiation of the relationship took place online. Also, a rule of thumb, any girl that get's too romantic/aggressive with you too soon, should be looked at with caution. A girl with sincere motives and good intitions will not be pushy. She should be patient, wise and circumspect.
As far as online goes . . . the proof is definately in the "meeting."
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RE: What is behind all of this? - 7/5/2008 11:03:14 PM
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ptz
Posts: 8
Joined: 5/24/2008
Status: offline
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I kind of know what you are talking about. I am 27 years old, and i met my husband on an christian online dating site 3 years ago. I have had that happen too where someone would talk to me for a while, and then just fall off the face of the earth and never hear from them again. I understand, because i was very hurt when it happened. happened about 4 times. I even had people practically propose to me, while never having spoken or communicating with them before!!!. ( i found this to be true usually with the 'foriegners' on the site). I didnt like when things like that happened. i would just block them usually. (be careful of that by the way, there are MANY foreigners that want US citizenship papers, and will prey on american christian men, believe me). I think that the whole 'online dating site' thing is very 'complex'. It is very hard to explain. It has been successful for me, since i met my husband on one of those sites, but i think the fact that you are more 'annonymous' on those sites (i.e no need to break the ice in person, easier to open up online, because you are safe behind a computer screen), kind of makes people less scared, and a bit more 'rushed'. (i.e because the whole reason they are on there is to find a mate eventually). i dont really have an 'answer' to how it all works. All i know is that the dynamics are very different from 'real life'. I would advise you to be very very VERY careful with who you talk to, and guard your heart. I say this because you have to remember that the girl you are talking to most likely is talking to 10 other people. So, you want to guard yourself. When i was first on the site, i talked to a few people regularly and my now husband ( who was one of those people at the time) also talked to some others. I knew to be careful, and not let myself think i was all to 'special' because i knew that he was talking to others. After a short while, he fell for me, and i fell for him. We then became 'exclusive friends', and only started communicating with eachother.(i.e he didnt want to ask me to be his girlfriend online, he wanted to ask me in person). He flew down to meet me 5 months after we initially started talking, and it was wonderful, and he asked me to be his girlfriend ( i said yet of course), and then 1 year later we were married. It is VERY GOOD that you met that girl in person because there is a HUGE different between online communicating and real life communication. you have to guard yourself until you officially meet the person, THEN make your assesment. You have to 'sift through ' ALLLLL the 'wrong ones for you' before you find that special one. I never EVER thought i would actually find my future spouse on a christian singles site but i did, and they are truly perfect for me.Keep on building friendships, but be weary of the 'aggressive' and 'strong' language from those who talk to you like that on the first day. usually it wont last. ( how can they profess such strong language when they dont even know you yet?) . Hang in there. You will find them. It is a long and difficult road sometimes, but use your best judgment. I knew my then husband was for me when he 'fought' for me ( i had never dated, had a boyfriend etc, before him, i was having many personal family issues etc, that was affecting me, which i thought would prevent me from being with him), and he cut off all communication with everyone else, and developed a strong relationship with me, and our love blossomed. You will find them. 
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