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To those who are married. - 10/18/2009 8:42:05 PM
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RichLP
Posts: 1142
Joined: 5/4/2005
Status: offline
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Yes, another question or two from a bachelor.
1. Did you ever, as a single person, wonder that God's will for you was that you did not marry?
2. Did you ever, as a single person, conclude that the person whom God had chosen for you was not somebody from your church?
3. Did you ever think you were destined never to marry?
For me, I still believe that the answer to #1 is no, because try as I might, I cannot get rid of the desire to marry.
However, after 6 1/2 months at my church, today it finally hit me that as of now it looks very unlikely I will marry a girl from this church. This is in no way a criticism or an attack on the single women of my church, the vast majority of whom are dedicated believers in Christ; whether it's mission trips, social outreach programs, participation in Bible studies, or work in worship groups, these lovely women love Jesus Christ and they show it, and I am always encouraged by seeing godly beauty, instilled by the Father, at work in their lives.
Yet, I cannot help but think that if the woman the Lord chooses for me is from this church, that I will be very surprised.
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RE: To those who are married. - 10/18/2009 8:49:29 PM
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herestoresmysoul
Posts: 1453
Joined: 3/13/2009
Status: offline
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1)I never thought that it was Gods will for me never to marry.
2) It doesnt matter where you meet them as long as they are Christians. Both myself and my son met our soul mates on a Christian internet dating site. God can use many different ways.
3)No.
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RE: To those who are married. - 10/18/2009 8:49:44 PM
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manda59
Posts: 8175
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
Status: offline
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1. No
2. No
3. No
quote:
However, after 6 1/2 months at my church, today it finally hit me that as of now it looks very unlikely I will marry a girl from this church. This is in no way a criticism or an attack on the single women of my church, the vast majority of whom are dedicated believers in Christ; whether it's mission trips, social outreach programs, participation in Bible studies, or work in worship groups, these lovely women love Jesus Christ and they show it, and I am always encouraged by seeing godly beauty, instilled by the Father, at work in their lives.
Yet, I cannot help but think that if the woman the Lord chooses for me is from this church, that I will be very surprised.
Why will you be surprised, and why does it matter?
Whoever God intends you to marry, He will bring into your life into whichever way He sees fit.
Yet it seems to me that you seem to think He needs a helping hand, or needs to tell you what He is doing, rather than just kicking back, getting on with serving Him, and resting in Him. Are you sure you really trust Him in this?
_____________________________
"Manda.....you said what I tried to say, just much better"
sharonjef, October 2009
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RE: To those who are married. - 10/18/2009 10:00:15 PM
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RichLP
Posts: 1142
Joined: 5/4/2005
Status: offline
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argh.
I just typed up a long response and it disappeared! And control Z isn't fixing it!
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RE: To those who are married. - 10/18/2009 10:55:51 PM
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deermousie
Posts: 2209
Joined: 9/26/2007
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: RichLP
1. Did you ever, as a single person, wonder that God's will for you was that you did not marry?
Yes. I did a lot of short-term mission work and tried to get a master's degree in missions since I was single. My pastor advised me to do that. I got on with my life (like the words for the song from "You Can't Get a Man with a Gun" - I'll sing it for you if you like!)
I figured after my mid-thirties I wasn't going to marry. I was telling God what He was doing!  The master's degree was interrupted by a chronic family emergency so I got my teacher's credential because the credential was easy at that time; I was going to go back for the master's when I met my future husband and got married instead.
quote:
2. Did you ever, as a single person, conclude that the person whom God had chosen for you was not somebody from your church?
I didn't know if God had chosen someone for me. We had tons of single guys at church but none were interested in me especially.
quote:
3. Did you ever think you were destined never to marry?
Yes. Midthirties I wasn't getting any prettier or more fertile.  Actually, I planned on staying single all my life until I was 30 and I realized if I married I wasn't doomed to repeat my parents' awful marriage.
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For me, I still believe that the answer to #1 is no, because try as I might, I cannot get rid of the desire to marry.
That's a good indication that God plans for you to be married eventually. Get on with what you're supposed to be doing today, so if your future wife doesn't show up for another two years, you haven't wasted two years. You'll need those. 
quote:
Yet, I cannot help but think that if the woman the Lord chooses for me is from this church, that I will be very surprised.
Please don't take this wrong: God's going to do what He's going to do, and He doesn't need anyone's help or direction. We do what we do and He does what He does, and He's in charge of bringing people together, not us. We serve a sovereign God! So we can depend on Him and He'll bring the woman from whereever He wants to. Adam was surprised, too.
If you met God's woman for you tomorrow, what would you have wished you'd done in preparation for marriage? Go do it now.
God bless you, Rich, and bring you a wonderful wife in His perfect time! Meanwhile, go get ready.
_____________________________
"Through Gates of Splendor" by Elizabeth Elliot
"Federal Husband" by Doug Wilson
www.biblegateway.com for online concordance (I use it daily)
"Passion and Purity" by Elizabeth Elliot
And I think chickens are really funny
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RE: To those who are married. - 10/18/2009 11:40:30 PM
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RichLP
Posts: 1142
Joined: 5/4/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: deermousie
I figured after my mid-thirties I wasn't going to marry. I was telling God what He was doing! The master's degree was interrupted by a chronic family emergency so I got my teacher's credential because the credential was easy at that time; I was going to go back for the master's when I met my future husband and got married instead.
I’m not telling God what I should do or what He should do. But it’s sometimes hard not to wonder.
quote:
ORIGINAL: deermousie
I didn't know if God had chosen someone for me. We had tons of single guys at church but none were interested in me especially.
Well, given the fact that a brother today told me he has been frustrated with the shallowness and materialism of a lot of the single women there, he was compelled to look elsewhere. He’s been there for years. This given brother is 38 and he told me that he once had a discussion with the senior pastor and his wife about this. The senior pastor and his wife admitted this shallowness and materialism were indeed issues affecting many of the single women, but they advised the brother to be patient. Then until when should he have waited? Until when will these single women in their late 20s and some in their early 30s keep viewing themselves as entitled to men from Harvard or Yale grad programs making $200K a year?
Yes I sound angry and sarcastic, but it’s the reality at my church. This brother was the first man in more than the six months I’ve been there who was frank enough with me to tell me how it is. He did what any smart person should have done. He looked outside church and met a Christian girl. God bless them both.
And on a different note: this brother said that some of these single women complain that the single men want only women who are super-beautiful. What an absolute lie. This brother’s girlfriend is not that pretty at all. But he didn’t care. The last girl I dated, I dumped because while pretty, she had a rotten, reprehensible attitude. The girl before that was HOT by secular standards but … not Christian and had a bad attitude as well. Out she went, easily. If looks were all that mattered I would not have cared.
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ORIGINAL: deermousie
Yes. Midthirties I wasn't getting any prettier or more fertile. Actually, I planned on staying single all my life until I was 30 and I realized if I married I wasn't doomed to repeat my parents' awful marriage.
I’m sorry it took that long for you, but I thank the Lord He acted. It’s just sometimes difficult to wonder why God has not yet acted. I know, I know. God is there; He cares, and He isn’t silent, and just because I cannot see His work, it doesn’t mean His work isn’t taking place. I know I’m sounding faithless. I’m just a little frustrated.
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ORIGINAL: deermousie
That's a good indication that God plans for you to be married eventually. Get on with what you're supposed to be doing today, so if your future wife doesn't show up for another two years, you haven't wasted two years. You'll need those.
May God hear you.
quote:
ORIGINAL: deermousie
Please don't take this wrong: God's going to do what He's going to do, and He doesn't need anyone's help or direction. We do what we do and He does what He does, and He's in charge of bringing people together, not us. We serve a sovereign God! So we can depend on Him and He'll bring the woman from whereever He wants to. Adam was surprised, too. If you met God's woman for you tomorrow, what would you have wished you'd done in preparation for marriage? Go do it now.
Today, in the sermon, the senior pastor said we are not to dictate to God how He is to act in our lives. He’s right. I know that we Christians are in no position to make demands of God or to determine how He will bless us. I know that He is in charge of bringing people together. It’s just… again… frustrating.
If next week the woman God chose for me appears in my life at church, I’m going to come back here and admit to my stupidity and swallow my words in the open.
As for preparation for marriage – what else do I need to do? I’ve been reading Christian materials on premarital preparation for 5 years. How dating and courtship require nothing less than the complete application of Christian ethics. How we must pray. How we must test compatibility. Etc. What else does God require of me if indeed He requires me to be prepared?
The only thing I can think of is that PERHAPS God is making me wait until I get to a point where I am so very content in Him that I wouldn’t care if I didn’t get married. And then BAM! He’ll give her to me. Well, if that’s the Lord’s plan, I’m probably gonna have to wait a few more years (sarcasm added but with honesty).
Look, Deermousie. About 10 days ago I saw engagement photos belonging to a girl from my church who is 33. It was absolutely lovely and I am so glad for her and for her fiancée. Both are great people and both are very dedicated believers. But even as I rejoiced for the beauty of their engagement, clearly designated by God, I couldn’t help but sigh deeply. The reason? I wondered, “when will I have engagement photos of my own?....”
quote:
ORIGINAL: deermousie
God bless you, Rich, and bring you a wonderful wife in His perfect time! Meanwhile, go get ready.
Thank you. May He indeed hear you. Sometimes, I feel like giving up the whole idea of marriage. Smack me for saying this – but sometimes in moments of frustration I wonder if that’s what’s gonna happen.
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RE: To those who are married. - 10/19/2009 12:41:26 PM
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northstar
Posts: 189
Status: offline
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I left one church where there were quite a few single guys, but I was convinced that NONE of them were right for me...and went to a tiny little church, where other than one couple in their mid-thirties, I was the youngest person by a loooong way.
I'd got to the point where I had decided that I might be single forever, and at that point I was ok with it, because I'd realised that having 'someone' was not necessarily better than having no-one.
And then one day at my tiny small church, about three months after I'd committed to going there, this guy and his cousin walked in through the door. He'd thought about going to that church a year earlier, but for various reasons hadn't got around to it...good thing really because I wasn't going there at that point. Anyway, we were married about 7 months after he first showed up at the church; five and a half months after our first date.
The thing is, that if I hadn't obeyed God and gone to a church where there was *no* chance of me ever meeting someone, then I wouldn't have met my hubby.
_____________________________
Pray for the peace of Jerusalem: they shall prosper that love thee.
Psalm 122:6
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RE: To those who are married. - 10/19/2009 1:28:57 PM
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deermousie
Posts: 2209
Joined: 9/26/2007
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: RichLP
The senior pastor and his wife admitted this shallowness and materialism were indeed issues affecting many of the single women, but they advised the brother to be patient. Then until when should he have waited?
Here's a problem, my Brother in the Lord - you're asking for a deadline. A soldier is given an order to guard or march, he salutes, and he obeys. He doesn't ask when he should stop. The superior officer will tell him when to stop.
We can't tap our toes or ask God to meet our requirements. We thank Him that He loves us and saved us, we live in His ways and we trust Him to make it work. Total surrender. What's in your hand, Moses? Use that. Whereever you are is exactly where God wants you to be, and He is going to use it. Don't think you haven't started to live because God hasn't given you what you demand (you could wait a long time).
I think it was Chuck Swindoll who said the mightest saint in heaven probably was probably some bed-ridden little old lady who couldn't do anything but pray, so she prayed like crazy and God moved in a marvelous way. And she won't be bed-ridden in heaven, either.
No good thing will He withhold
From those who walk uprightly.
- Ps. 84:11b
If you're walking with no known, unconfessed sin, then this verse is yours. God's not holding out on you. If there was something better for you, you'd have it already. Here's the key: do you believe God's Word?
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Until when will these single women in their late 20s and some in their early 30s keep viewing themselves as entitled to men from Harvard or Yale grad programs making $200K a year?
I'll tell you a secret - the average woman is looking for a man who will be a good friend and a leader. She wants kindness and romance. The romance is basically the man trying to anticipate her feelings and do something about it. She likes chocolate? Give her a chocolate "rose." She likes ballet? Take her to a Kirov performance or key into ballet things.
My best friend is a ballet teacher, and her then-boyfriend took her to a classy restaurant and waited for the live musicians to play the theme song from her favorite ballet movie, and asked her to marry him. Bingo! Having her favorite color roses delivered to the table mid-meal didn't hurt either (he knew that she liked certain colored roses and ballet. Smart guy!)
A woman who is looking for a sugar daddy isn't going to love him, so you can skip the money-hungry gals because they don't want heart, they want an expense account. Skip 'em.
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Yes I sound angry and sarcastic, but it’s the reality at my church. This brother was the first man in more than the six months I’ve been there who was frank enough with me to tell me how it is. He did what any smart person should have done. He looked outside church and met a Christian girl. God bless them both.
You can be angry and sarcastic, but what good is it doing you? God's not delivering, so you could try being more angry and see if that helps... or you can stop beating your head against the wall and look around to see if there's a better way.
You can't force God to bring you a wife. You can't force a woman to marry you. What can you do? You can throw yourself on God and give up all your claims and demands and surrender to whatever He wants to do. He's a sovereign God; He won't let you down. Tell God you'll do whatever He wants, single or married. Look around and see what needs doing. People to share the Gospel with? A job to be worked? Laundry that needs putting away? A neighbor who needs help with moving a frig? Church needs painting volunteers?
If you don't like the Christian walk of the gals at your church, go find a singles group somewhere else and start attending it. Do mission work (a week in Mexico putting up a church is good - it'll be mostly sweaty men you're working with, but not everything is about finding a wife. Balance).
Pray like crazy and do whatever is in your hand for the day. Work on becoming more of a faithful man of God. Learn the Bible better. Teach a Sunday School class for kids. Organize trips to work at the local rescue mission. Picket evil. You want to be married but you're single today - go do a single guy's life today.
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And on a different note: this brother said that some of these single women complain that the single men want only women who are super-beautiful. What an absolute lie.
Yeah, the shallow ones are making excuses to whine. Actually there are single guys doing this but aren't worth marrying. Shallow women and money; shallow men and beauty. Look elsewhere, like you are.
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This brother’s girlfriend is not that pretty at all. But he didn’t care. The last girl I dated, I dumped because while pretty, she had a rotten, reprehensible attitude. The girl before that was HOT by secular standards but … not Christian and had a bad attitude as well. Out she went, easily. If looks were all that mattered I would not have cared.
Bravo, Rich! Exactly right. Thank you for not being the kind of guy who in his desperation marries the first breathing female he finds. Your life is far better for that.
I saw a funny line that said, "Marry a Presbyterian girl. Baptist girls are hotter but we've got children to raise." Actually, I find the awesomest single Christians in churches that are serious about the Bible and applying it to life, and at places were Christians have dedicated their lives to God and are busy at it. So, Reformed churches seem to have more than their fair share of pretty mature singles (mine sure does) and mission organizations have people whom God is sanctifying to Himself. Yeah, there are still shallow people there, but they are being mentored and helped by the more mature.
So get thee to a nunnery... or a mission organization... and get involved. U.S. Center for World Mission in Altadena/Pasadena, CA is thronging with awesome people, most of whom are single as I recall. Some Christian college campuses have some amazing Christians who mean business with God and their lives show it.
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I’m sorry it took that long for you, but I thank the Lord He acted.
Thanks, Rich. Actually, God's timing was perfect - had I married younger, I would have destroyed my husband. Yes. There were a lot of things God had to hammer out of me before I ever got half an ounce of sense and compassion and maturity (still working on it). I don't begrudge it at all.
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It’s just sometimes difficult to wonder why God has not yet acted.
There ya go again. Stop it, Rich. Be a soldier and obey orders, and let God tell you when to stop. What are you supposed to be doing today, and what do you need to develop for next year? Do that. Thank Him for today, and be a blessing to those around you.
And go sign up for ballroom dancing; they always need more guys. It will be full of nonChristians, but some Christian singles groups do balls, and you could join them. If nothing else, attend the annual Southern Heritage Ball. You'l find a ton of awesome Christian singles there, I guarantee it.
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I know, I know. God is there; He cares, and He isn’t silent, and just because I cannot see His work, it doesn’t mean His work isn’t taking place. I know I’m sounding faithless. I’m just a little frustrated.
OK, you got it, Rich. This is a test of your faith. Let God drive. A wife isn't the only issue in your life right now. Keep praying and get on with life.
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May God hear you.
Lord Jesus, I lift Rich up to You and I ask that You bless him with sanctification and a good wife. Thank You that You love him and are undertaking his concerns and needs. Thank You that You are trustworthy to help, are not weak, and made people to need to be married. I ask it in Your holy name, amen.
quote:
Today, in the sermon, the senior pastor said we are not to dictate to God how He is to act in our lives. He’s right. I know that we Christians are in no position to make demands of God or to determine how He will bless us. I know that He is in charge of bringing people together. It’s just… again… frustrating.
Do you ever feel like everything would be alright if God would just drop a good woman into your life? And then, everything would be alright if she didn't have to take care of an invalid mother. And then everything would be alright if... the list goes on and on. If we're waiting to get what we want, we'll never be content. If we're relaxing in God and dealing with things as they come up, we're... relaxed.
1 Thessalonians 5:18
in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
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If next week the woman God chose for me appears in my life at church, I’m going to come back here and admit to my stupidity and swallow my words in the open.
And I would rejoice in God's blessings to you. But I already am, and you are, too, sort of tentatively. It's not about getting a wife, it's about the life God gave you today. Live it to the hilt, whatever it is. Thank God - He commands it in numerous places. That's a key.
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As for preparation for marriage – what else do I need to do? I’ve been reading Christian materials on premarital preparation for 5 years. How dating and courtship require nothing less than the complete application of Christian ethics. How we must pray. How we must test compatibility. Etc. What else does God require of me if indeed He requires me to be prepared?
I don't know you personally, Rich and you sound like an upright guy to me, but let me take some shots in the dark because everyone deals with similar things: how are you at leadership? Are you exercising it at church? Are you gentle in correcting sinners? How's your submission to authority? Do you keep short accounts with your sin? Does your anger point to selfishness? Are you patient with immature Christians? Are you able to teach? Do you understand the biblical stuff about marriage? Can you handle finances like a champ (God's will is for husbands to pay bills or so it seems). Is your career stable or should you be taking more classes and certifications or more degrees? Easier to do it now. Go ask your pastor what you can do to prepare yourself better, and I really, really, really strongly recommend the book by Doug Wilson in my sig line (it changed how my husband did his husbanding. Totally).
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The only thing I can think of is that PERHAPS God is making me wait until I get to a point where I am so very content in Him that I wouldn’t care if I didn’t get married. And then BAM! He’ll give her to me. Well, if that’s the Lord’s plan, I’m probably gonna have to wait a few more years (sarcasm added but with honesty).
You're talking about surrender, and you have it right. I think. When we let God do whatever He wants to us, then we're content either way, married or not, and we can be single and content. I was single longer than you have been, and I had to learn that, too. Paul said he learned to be content in any situation. Phil. 4:11 And look at this:
Hebrews 13:5
Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”
The key to our being relaxed (content) in God is our security in God (I didn't put that together until just now, but it's in that verse!).
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Look, Deermousie. About 10 days ago I saw engagement photos belonging to a girl from my church who is 33. It was absolutely lovely and I am so glad for her and for her fiancée. Both are great people and both are very dedicated believers. But even as I rejoiced for the beauty of their engagement, clearly designated by God, I couldn’t help but sigh deeply. The reason? I wondered, “when will I have engagement photos of my own?....”
Oh, Rich, I so understand! I remember folding my socks as a single and thinking, "Even my socks have mates. Where's mine?" Here's the deal: covetousness. <cringe> "I want." "Others have what I want and I don't have." It's a subtle "God is holding out on me." Squish that rebel sigh, Brother - it's unbelief. Keep short accounts on your sin, and kick it to the curb. God isn't holding out on you any good thing. The antidote is rejoicing. Pry your fingers off what you don't have and rejoice for what you do have! It's awesome - you're going to heaven, you don't have to pay for your sins, God knows your name and loves you, and He is working in your life right now (even through an impertinent mouse perhaps). And good for you for catching that; our hearts are sneaky.
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Sometimes, I feel like giving up the whole idea of marriage. Smack me for saying this – but sometimes in moments of frustration I wonder if that’s what’s gonna happen.
I'm not going to smack you, I'm going to hug you (is that okay?). If we're surrendered, it doesn't matter what God chooses for us - we're up for it because He is leading and we are following. Even married people have to surrender to God because we can't control our circumstances or even our mates. Pffft, try keeping yourself from a bad habit. It's hard! Control is an illusion. God is real, and He's working things out for you. All you can choose is what you're going to do in the next five seconds.
_____________________________
"Through Gates of Splendor" by Elizabeth Elliot
"Federal Husband" by Doug Wilson
www.biblegateway.com for online concordance (I use it daily)
"Passion and Purity" by Elizabeth Elliot
And I think chickens are really funny
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RE: To those who are married. - 10/19/2009 1:59:51 PM
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W.O.F.
Posts: 1652
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: an ignoble beginning
Status: offline
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well said deermousie!
Such wisdom....and grace.
_____________________________
Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh no, she's awake."
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RE: To those who are married. - 10/19/2009 2:33:50 PM
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stellaluna
Posts: 4168
Joined: 4/11/2005
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: RichLP
1. Did you ever, as a single person, wonder that God's will for you was that you did not marry?
2. Did you ever, as a single person, conclude that the person whom God had chosen for you was not somebody from your church?
3. Did you ever think you were destined never to marry?
I had no plans to marry and wasn't attending church when I met my husband.
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RE: To those who are married. - 10/19/2009 2:39:20 PM
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SurpassingPeace
Posts: 807
Joined: 11/21/2007
Status: online
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Ditto to Stellaluna's answer.
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RE: To those who are married. - 10/19/2009 2:40:56 PM
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APZR
Posts: 1064
Joined: 4/18/2005
From: GA
Status: offline
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1. No.
2. We met in college.
3. No.
_____________________________
Ya can't keep trouble from visitin, but you don't have to offer it a chair.
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RE: To those who are married. - 10/19/2009 3:21:24 PM
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allisonbrett
Posts: 839
Joined: 5/29/2008
From: A bit north of the Big Chicken
Status: offline
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I always knew I'd be married, no question there. I hoped rather than believed that I'd meet him in church.
I have a guy friend who is single, never married and is 50. He's desperate to marry yet hasn't met "the one." He whines and complains over his singleness on one hand yet get incredibly judgmental and obsessive over looks on the other. He is on all the online dating sites and looking all over the country but makes excuses about distance, her past, her exes, and everything in between. I encourage him to stop looking and focus on enjoying just being single for this period of his life but he's miserable and determined to continue hunting. I asked him if he had surrendered his desires to the Lord and would accept if God had called him to remain single. He refuses.
I've also suggested he begin praying that if it is God's will for him to marry that he begin really praying FOR her now even though he has yet to meet her.
Personally, I wonder if those God calls to remain single enjoy being single. For those with such deep desires it seems that to surrender those desires to the Lord with a willingness to give them up if it is the Lord's will. It maybe that God is waiting on a willing spirit (you or her). Start praying for her.
_____________________________
Allison
A work in progress so please be patient, God is still working on me. Ouch, it sure is painful!
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RE: To those who are married. - 10/19/2009 3:47:29 PM
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RichLP
Posts: 1142
Joined: 5/4/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: allisonbrett
I always knew I'd be married, no question there. I hoped rather than believed that I'd meet him in church.
I have a guy friend who is single, never married and is 50. He's desperate to marry yet hasn't met "the one." He whines and complains over his singleness on one hand yet get incredibly judgmental and obsessive over looks on the other. He is on all the online dating sites and looking all over the country but makes excuses about distance, her past, her exes, and everything in between. I encourage him to stop looking and focus on enjoying just being single for this period of his life but he's miserable and determined to continue hunting. I asked him if he had surrendered his desires to the Lord and would accept if God had called him to remain single. He refuses.
I've also suggested he begin praying that if it is God's will for him to marry that he begin really praying FOR her now even though he has yet to meet her.
Personally, I wonder if those God calls to remain single enjoy being single. For those with such deep desires it seems that to surrender those desires to the Lord with a willingness to give them up if it is the Lord's will. It maybe that God is waiting on a willing spirit (you or her). Start praying for her.
Forgive me for being obtuse, but willing spirit? Mine is; so, if He's already chosen her, He's waiting for HER spirit to will for marriage as well? I don't think I can "will for marriage" any more than this!
Your story reminds me of a story a visiting pastor shared w/ us at our summer retreat almost 3 months ago. It was a singles' retreat but for the most part the visiting pastor refrained from speaking on dating and marriage - until this point.
He spoke of a woman in her early 50s who has been a lifelong believer, who maintains a prayer journal, and who is faithfully praying to God to grant her request that she marry. The physical expressions on the faces of those present was one - one of surprise and almost pity.
And on a lighter and more humorous note, a few weeks ago, my church hosted another visiting pastor. This visiting pastor has the gift of healing and prayed for one of his colleagues, who at that time was in his early 40s and never married. The healing pastor determined his colleague was under the "curse of the law." The healing pastor's prayer broke that curse. How did he know? Months later, the younger pastor called the healing pastor to tell him he'd just become engaged, and he met his fiance on the next day after that prayer.
I joked around with some folks later that if the healing pastor had offered an altar call for singles who wished for prayer for marriage, I would've been the first one; I would've stampeded down the isle from the pews, pushing anybody and everybody out of my way, and I would've had my face 1/8 of an inch from the carpet and I would've been on my knees as long as I had to. Needless to say, I hope the healing pastor comes again soon.
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RE: To those who are married. - 10/19/2009 4:29:05 PM
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Mollymouser
Posts: 3893
Joined: 4/18/2005
From: california, land of the happy cows
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: RichLP
1. Did you ever, as a single person, wonder that God's will for you was that you did not marry?
2. Did you ever, as a single person, conclude that the person whom God had chosen for you was not somebody from your church?
3. Did you ever think you were destined never to marry?
1. YES. (I should point out that I didn't get engaged until I was 37, married at age 38. By early 30s, I wasn't even dating anymore, and had pretty much decided that God's call on my life was to be single, and to keep seeking Him.)
2. NO. (I never had any assumptions that the person God had for me would be a member of my church ... just that the person would definitely be a very strong Christian.)
3. YES. (In fact, I even had prayed, "God, if it's Your will for me to be single, then I will remain single and will be content with that call on my life." A few months later, I met the man who was to become my wonderful DH.)
KEEP SEEKING GOD ... AND YOU WON'T MISS WHAT HE HAS FOR YOU!
< Message edited by Harvie -- 10/19/2009 4:36:31 PM >
_____________________________
  MARRIED TO A MILITARY PILOT ~ PLEASE PRAY FOR OUR TROOPS!
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RE: To those who are married. - 10/19/2009 6:07:45 PM
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allisonbrett
Posts: 839
Joined: 5/29/2008
From: A bit north of the Big Chicken
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: RichLP
quote:
ORIGINAL: allisonbrett
I always knew I'd be married, no question there. I hoped rather than believed that I'd meet him in church.
I have a guy friend who is single, never married and is 50. He's desperate to marry yet hasn't met "the one." He whines and complains over his singleness on one hand yet get incredibly judgmental and obsessive over looks on the other. He is on all the online dating sites and looking all over the country but makes excuses about distance, her past, her exes, and everything in between. I encourage him to stop looking and focus on enjoying just being single for this period of his life but he's miserable and determined to continue hunting. I asked him if he had surrendered his desires to the Lord and would accept if God had called him to remain single. He refuses.
I've also suggested he begin praying that if it is God's will for him to marry that he begin really praying FOR her now even though he has yet to meet her.
Personally, I wonder if those God calls to remain single enjoy being single. For those with such deep desires it seems that to surrender those desires to the Lord with a willingness to give them up if it is the Lord's will. It maybe that God is waiting on a willing spirit (you or her). Start praying for her.
Forgive me for being obtuse, but willing spirit? Mine is; so, if He's already chosen her, He's waiting for HER spirit to will for marriage as well? I don't think I can "will for marriage" any more than this!
/font]
I'm sorry, you misunderstood in part what I was saying. I was talking about surrendering your desire to the Lord and be willing to accept His will regardless of what it may be. He may have something else in store for you or he may have someone in mind that he is currently working on even now. Didn't you mention in another thread that you were wanting to go to medical school? Maybe God may be leading you in that direction and is waiting for you to follow that desire? I don't know, just a thought.
If God has someone in mind for you that he may be preparing her now. She may be working toward being ready as well.
I know for many that have said as soon as they stopped looking they found their life partner. Maybe its when you surrender each and every stage of your life that He realizes you are ready and sends just what you want/need then.
I wish you well.
_____________________________
Allison
A work in progress so please be patient, God is still working on me. Ouch, it sure is painful!
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RE: To those who are married. - 10/20/2009 2:49:54 PM
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DaveW
Posts: 3811
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: MD suburbs of Washington DC
Status: offline
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1. Did you ever, as a single person, wonder that God's will for you was that you did not marry?
As a young single person (pre puberty) I had already decided never to marry or even get close to any woman. There were broken marriages on both sides of my family going back about 3 generations and having personally witnessed my mom and dad's violent breakup, wanted no part of it. I had no girlfriends and only went on about 5 dates total (mostly social events) before DW and I got together.
It actually took an audible voice from heaven to get me to reconsider.
2. Did you ever, as a single person, conclude that the person whom God had chosen for you was not somebody from your church?
No.
3. Did you ever think you were destined never to marry?
See #1.
_____________________________
Avatar is my daughter Laura and SIL David on their wedding 9/20/09 ====================================
Our CD is now available here:
http://cdbaby.com/cd/dswaggoner
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RE: To those who are married. - 10/20/2009 3:50:51 PM
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elastic
Posts: 1866
Joined: 4/15/2005
From: NYC
Status: offline
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1. Did you ever, as a single person, wonder that God's will for you was that you did not marry?
I never wondered if it was God's will for me to marry or not. Growing up, I never had any interest whatsoever in getting married. i wasn't a person who dreamed about it or even thought about it. I dated a lot in high school/ college/ and early career, but even dating, i KNEW that i wasn't going to marry any of those people. There was never a question.
then i met my DH. something was different about him and for the first time I thought "now, if i were to ever marry, I'd marry someone like him". Of course, i was telling this to all my friends and had not a clue that in less than a year after meeting him, we'd be married.
2. Did you ever, as a single person, conclude that the person whom God had chosen for you was not somebody from your church?
again, i never thought about marriage and never even desired it. my dh wasn't from my church when we met, but he is now. 
3. Did you ever think you were destined never to marry?
I don't think that i thought i was 'destined' never to marry. My desire wasn't to ever get married. i didn't think i was a hopeless case or anything. I had plenty of boyfriends and dated a lot of guys. If they decided they wanted to become more serious, or if they started talking marriage, I usually ended things. I didn't want to get married. my dh changed all that. in fact, i'm pretty sure that i was the first person in our relationship to bring it up at all.
as a complete aside, i am better at being married than i thought i would be. i think part of the reason that i didn't want to marry is that i am such an AWESOME loner. i LOVE being alone. i really, really do. i am weird that way I suppose. I'd much rather be all by myself than out with people, even though when i am with people, I probably come across to them as a people person, or a person who loves being around other people. i really don't. if i didn't have to work or go to church, I'd probably never leave my house.
< Message edited by elastic -- 10/20/2009 3:57:32 PM >
_____________________________
May be able to imitate a human today.
Need more coffee to pull it off.
 I Stand with Israel!
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RE: To those who are married. - 10/20/2009 4:27:21 PM
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Mustardseedz
Posts: 3
Joined: 9/29/2008
Status: offline
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1) Yes
2) Yes
3) Yes and no, depending on the day
I didn't read some of the longer replies and inputs but this really caught my eye:
quote:
The only thing I can think of is that PERHAPS God is making me wait until I get to a point where I am so very content in Him that I wouldn’t care if I didn’t get married. And then BAM! He’ll give her to me.
Could be! This is EXACTLY what happened to me. Except I didn't hear an audible BAM! And the BAM was more like a couple months.
I was going to school and working almost full time, working out a lot and trying to get my temple in order when I realized how happy I was...without Mr. Mustardseedz. I said "Lord, if it IS your will for me to be single and to serve you this way forever, I'm okay with that." And I meant it. And I was surprised that I meant it completely. I was 33 and have always wanted kids but I knew I could truly be content in Him.
A friend had given me a copy of the book "Love & Respect" and I put off reading it for a while because I was tired of prepping for a marriage that may never happen. Well during this time frame the Lord was urging me to start dating again and my response was actually, "No thanks Lord, I'm really quite content." But the urging didn't let up and I joined eHarmony...again. They had a free weekend and so I joined very non-commitally and I'm now married to a man that I met that fateful weekend.
Rich, you have to trust that it is worth the wait. The man that the Lord had for me is not what I pictured in many ways but better in all of them! The side that you may not be seeing is how much the woman the Lord has for you needs you to go through this time with the Lord as well. He is working stuff out in both of your lives. As my husband and I were dating I began to see that I was an answer to his prayers (as much as he was to mine) and it still overwhelms me even now. She is out there if the Lord desires for you to be married. Don't make marriage an idol and just follow Him. Once you reach that point, the freedom is quite amazing.
All my best to you!
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RE: To those who are married. - 10/22/2009 10:51:21 AM
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RichLP
Posts: 1142
Joined: 5/4/2005
Status: offline
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I'd like to thank all those who replied, especially those who shared deep insight or their personal experiences. I was encouraged to read it all.
And thanks for the smacks and hugs as well.
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