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I need some major advice, I am in trouble - 6/25/2008 6:04:12 PM
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mafi39
Posts: 4
Joined: 10/31/2007
Status: offline
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I'm new to posting here and I need some major advice. I am so scared right now. I can't sleep and it's worse for my husband. It may take a while to get everything out but please bear with me. I am a SAHM. I work part time at a ymca and homeschool my two children who we are trying to adopt. We have full custody of them, but until we pay our lawyer the 7,000 we owe him, we can't finalize it all.
My husband is in construction. He hasn't had a steady income since April. He has been trying to find work and there is nothing. We are hoping to hear about a job by Monday.
We have so much debt it is ridiculous. Let me lay it out for you.
Mortgage 97,000 (we are current up until this month but we will probably be late)
Credit cards (16,000) We don't use them now at all and over half of that has been adoption fees.
Medical bills (around 11-12,000) My husband and I have no health insurance and after an illness and 2 nights in the hospital and a small surgery, that is the result.
My sister, husband, and I partnered and built a house to sell for profit and it has been sitting on the market since last october. We live in TN and the housing is at a standstill right now. So we also have that as well. We don't pay anything on it, but interest accrues on that loan everyday.
We own our vehicles outright. I am sick with worry. I have prayed for a job for my husband, I feel like God has deserted me but I know it's just a tool Satan is using to hurt my walk with the Lord.
We have started getting nasty letters about the medical bills not getting paid last month (no money)
I have never dealt with collections before. I don't know what to do.
One credit card is due on Friday (min. payment is 252.00) I won't even make that much with my check and we need groceries.
We have thought of selling our home we live in now, are there companies that buy homes fast for cash? I am cutting off the phone and internet this week. I want to keep my cell phone. but we are behind on them all. I don't have cable or a water bill (well water)
I never thought that I would be 30 years old and be facing collection agencies and no money for food. I am ashamed of myself. We made bad decisions early on in our marriage with credit cards and I am still paying for it. I am so sorry this was so long, but I am honest to goodness at the end of my rope. Please advise. Thank you, McKinsey
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RE: I need some major advice, I am in trouble - 6/25/2008 6:39:03 PM
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Miss Giggles
Posts: 4268
Joined: 4/18/2005
From: MI
Status: offline
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You pay your house payment first, then food and utilities. If you don't have the money to pay the credit card, then you don't have the money this month
You'll need to try to work out payment plans for the medical bills and the credit cards. If your husband gets the job then you can work on getting everything caught up.
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RE: I need some major advice, I am in trouble - 6/25/2008 10:54:56 PM
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APZR
Posts: 910
Joined: 4/18/2005
From: GA
Status: offline
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Ditto above. Also know and keep in mind that the credit cards companies will call and hound you the MOST. The reason is... they are unsecured credit. They have no collateral to take for none payment, thus will scream the loudest. Just ignore the noise, and do what you can paying what you must first.
_____________________________
Ya can't keep trouble from visitin, but you don't have to offer it a chair.
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RE: I need some major advice, I am in trouble - 6/26/2008 8:16:15 AM
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rwe2156
Posts: 2291
Status: offline
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Follow Biblical principles on money: Reduce debt, make an honest wage,
give to God, set aside for investment.
I suggest you find a Crown Financial Advisor in your area.
1. You need income. Your husband needs a job, any job. Keep looking.
2. Cut EVERYTHING you can. Subscriptions, clubs, etc. Sounds like you know this.
3. Sell everything you can sell for cash. (BIG yard sale)
4. Prioritize your expenses: Food, home, fuel for cars, etc.
5. Contact your creditors and be up front with your situation
and see if they will work with you (most will).
6. Make you needs known to your church - allow the grace of God to help you practically.
7. Continue giving to your church.
8. Bankruptcy should be your LAST option.
You can check out some financial resources such as Crown.org
or Dave Ramsey.
_____________________________
The Truth is between the tensions. The "contradictions"only reflect our lack of understanding.
So we choose sides. God help us.
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RE: I need some major advice, I am in trouble - 6/26/2008 8:42:05 AM
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wordsnpic
Posts: 24
Joined: 6/29/2005
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All of the above are great. I highly recommend Dave Ramsey.
Send a letter to your credit card companies. Dave has a sample letter you can send. The medical bills, too. You should call or draft a letter explaining your situation. David Ramsey says to say something like -- "I am going to try and work very hard to pay off this debt. Please know that I have every intention of doing so. I hope you will work with me. I am only going to be able to talk with you once a week (I think by law they can only call you once a week); other calls I am not going to be able to take as I am working to take care of my current situation." When they call more than once a week, just tell them I have already talked to you.
And also remember that these people are trained to make you feel worthless. DO NOT LET THEM MANIPULATE YOU. AND CERTAINLY DO NOT CONFIDE IN THEM. TREAT THEM IN A SHORT BUSINESS-LIKE MANNER.
Have you tried a realtor on the house you are trying to sell. It is a tough market, but a good realtor can move it for you. I suspect this would help you a great deal.
First of all, take a breath and trust that God will protect you. He wanted you to adopt your children. When I was going through tough financial times and I could think of nothing else, everytime a negative thought came into my head, I said "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding."
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RE: I need some major advice, I am in trouble - 6/26/2008 8:59:17 AM
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Row1
Posts: 250
Joined: 12/2/2005
Status: offline
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along with those things:
i don't know what your husband is currently doing, but this is one likely point for improving things a little.
your husband really needs to figure out a way to bring in dollars while he is 'between jobs'. anything. i myself have scrubbed toilets and cleaned up trash in the past, so i would not find it too difficult for my pride to grab a part-time job doing almost anything.
it sounds like if he could learn of some opportunities, he really has skills to do some home fix-it-up stuff for people who have some money right now.
his style should be to get up early and figure out something to do each day to at least look for a job. you have to watch the kids, but you could help him along by getting up early also, fix some oatmeal for him, tell him some encouraging things, and send him off with a smile.
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RE: I need some major advice, I am in trouble - 6/26/2008 5:45:17 PM
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musicboss11
Posts: 510
Joined: 5/4/2005
Status: online
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Welcome to the boards, and I commend you for being so brave to talk about your situation. You've gotten a lot of great advice already. I wanted to add that the orginization "Shaohannah's Hope" offers assistance for people going through the adoption process. Their web site is: shaohannahshope.org
Hope that helps.
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RE: I need some major advice, I am in trouble - 6/26/2008 9:16:06 PM
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mafi39
Posts: 4
Joined: 10/31/2007
Status: offline
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Thank you for all of your kind words of encouragement. I will look into "Shaohannah's Hope". We are going through such a battle right now. What's been so hard is seeing my husband so down and out. He has been self-employed basically his whole life and to have to ask for a job has been his breaking point. He wants so hard to support us and right now he is just ready to quit.
What can they do to us if we don't pay our credit card bills and medical bills? Anyone with experience with this? I really hope we can avoid foreclosure. I am very familiar with Dave Ramsey and Crown Financial. I just never thought I would need them. This adoption has been a three year process because we have had to take so many people to court and it has cost so much (at least 20,000) that it has completely wiped us out and we haven't been able to recover.
I know that God is with me and will protect me. Sometimes I lose focus or Satan hounds me to doubt and worry and fear. My only saving grace has been going to church regularly and fellowshipping. We do tithe every week, I have always believed in that. Please pray for me. Right now when I pray, I don't seem to get any solid answers from God and it gets frustrating. But I will keep trusting... it's all I can do.
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RE: I need some major advice, I am in trouble - 6/26/2008 10:06:42 PM
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pbaribeault
Posts: 1029
Joined: 4/29/2005
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What are the chances of selling vehicle(s)? Do you live in a location where they are absolutely critical (out of town, beyond a reasonable bike distance)? How much could you get if you only kept the one that would be worth the least?
If you tried to sell your home, would it sell? Would it bring in enough to cover the mortgage on it at least? How much might you be paying for rent if you had to rent?
What would you be living without if you were living in "Little House on the Prairie" days? Could you cut your electrical and live on candle light, cold water & a camp stove, at least for the summer?
Before you buy groceries try and get some staples without cost - what about a food bank, food stamps or donation food box at your Church or others? As you buy groceries, try to remember that people with 'plenty' eat for both nutrition and pleasure. People scraping rock-bottom eat for nutrition, period.
This is what you need:
Oatmeal (the cook'em yourself kind)
Milk
Fresh Fruit (whatever is cheapest per serving, not per pound)
Flour
Yeast
Salt
Sugar
Cooking Oil
Butter/Margarine
Peanut Butter -or- Cheese -or- Sliced Meat (minimal amount)
Fresh Vegetables (whatever is cheapest - usually big carrots)
Brown Rice -or- Potatoes -or- Pasta (enough to serve each supper time)
Meat (cheap cuts, no more than a hockey-puck size per person per day, or less)
Vinegar
Spices
Popcorn (the pop it yourself kind)
Breakfast is oats with sugar, milk & fruit. Lunch is sandwiches on home made bread, with veggies (and salt) & fruit. (Learn how to make bread before you disconnect your internet). Supper is plenty of potato/rice/pasta with also plenty of veggies and a little meat, with milk. (Marinade cheap cuts in oil, vinegar & spices. Use ground when possible, or slice thin to seem like a more reasonable proportion.) Buy what you need to make this supper a meal, but never put more than $2 into an ingredient, sauce or side dish. Make popcorn (in a pot) if you are hungry for a snack, or have some fruit, or if you have more than enough to last you, use a little from your bread ingredients to bake some kind of sweet.
You do not need a cell phone. You might wonder if it might be possible to get by without a land line (if your husband has a cell for work purposes)... but not a good idea if you live outside of a town.
But, now that I've gotten this far, I'm going to tell you the most important thing. Shame and sick-worry have no place in the heart of a child of God. If you have been unwise, fine: acknowledge, repent, move on. Make the best plan you can, given what you face now, and be faithful to that plan. Feel strong in that faithfulness and forget about how you got into this 'mess'.
As you are doing that, lean on Jesus... trust your Good Shepherd. He never promised you a middle-class western standard of living, He never even promised you (or anyone) that their death would not come as a result of starvation due to poverty. Don't let anybody mess in your mind with that false view of 'God will provide for you.' He might show His love for you in that way... He does from time to time... but in my experience if that sort of thing happens, it is usually after the people involved realize that He has already shown His love for them in the only way that could possibly matter. He has restored your life and brought you, a rebel and a walking deadwoman, home to live in His Kingdom, beloved and whole and unshakable for all eternity.
Fear and anger are natural responses, and nothing to be ashamed of (don't fall into the stupid loop of feeling ashamed of your feeling) but you are the boss of your emotions, and you can give them a good stern talking-to (with sympathy & grace) if they are getting carried away. You know the Truth, no matter what you feel.
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RE: I need some major advice, I am in trouble - 6/27/2008 7:52:05 AM
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seagullplayer
Posts: 129
Joined: 9/18/2007
Status: offline
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Go to your Pastor for help, make sure your Church is praying.
Sounds like your husband has some skills, look in the want ads in the largest city close to you. You will find several ads wanting apartment maintenance, they will offer a salary and an apartment; you’re not interested in that part of it. But it does give you a contact to an apartment manager that is needing some work done. Have your husband call or send them his card in the mail.
Might even show up at the apartment complex and ask to see the manager. These guys don’t pay the highest wage, but it is a quick way to pickup work.
If you have someone who can watch the kids, you may have to pickup another job. Nursing Homes are almost always looking for help, again not the best salary, but steady work.
Cut the cedit cards up...
Continue to pray.
_____________________________
The world has only one problem, sin.
There is only one solution, Jesus.
THE WAY.
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RE: I need some major advice, I am in trouble - 7/1/2008 12:19:53 PM
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budtin
Posts: 1
Joined: 7/1/2008
Status: offline
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I accidentally came across this message, I am from HongKong.
I think the major advice is to have income, mainly from jobs, your husband's and yours.
List out all your income and spendings, and then plan for making the best use of income.
Also, could your house be rented by someone and generate some income from rent?
Stay in good health.
God knows what you and your family need even before you pray.......
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RE: I need some major advice, I am in trouble - 7/1/2008 1:17:54 PM
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BlueAdept
Posts: 99
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline
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One thing you should attempt is to contact the hospital's osbudsman and or the financial aid office, many times they will or can write off a part of the medical bills. They can effectively reduce it to nearly the same amount the bill would have been had an insurance company been billed for the services. This can take some time, but if you can reduce the total amount it would be well worth it.
Credit cards - I would make a point of contacting them today. Tell them what the situation is, and tell them what you CAN do. If you do nothing the late fees, and interest rate hikes will make that a whole lot worse. Don't promise them anything you can not deliver on, and even then make a point of being polite. Do not give them ANY information they can use against you, the collectors (once they start calling) will play on your emotions, don't fall into that trap. Don't get emotional, just tell them "you fell below the line."
Go to the liberary and get a copy of either Dave Ramsey's book or one from Larry Burkett (Crown ministries) follow their plans. Make a budget and stick to it.
Good luck and I hope the best for you.
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RE: I need some major advice, I am in trouble - 7/1/2008 1:30:28 PM
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3cappuccinosmom
Posts: 2507
Joined: 4/12/2005
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Lots and lots of good advice!
I especially agree with this:
quote:
your husband really needs to figure out a way to bring in dollars while he is 'between jobs'. anything. i myself have scrubbed toilets and cleaned up trash in the past, so i would not find it too difficult for my pride to grab a part-time job doing almost anything.
Y'all need income. If construction is slow, your husband needs to find something else for a while, even if it's not his favorite thing to do. My husband, who is a trained and experienced nurse scrubbed carpets and delivered pizzas for almost a year before he was able to get a health-care related job in the States, and he is still doing 'just a job' (not one he's passionate about) because providing for his family is his first priority.
The other thing is, if you or he took on a second job like delivery pizzas or newspapers, you could knock out that debt pretty quick, within just a few years time, especially if you work out payment plans.
It looks overwhelming and I'm sure it's stressful. That's why you need a plan. Every *penny* earned and spent accounted for, and a budget that will show you how much debt you're getting rid of each month.
I second the suggestion to call Dave Ramsey. You don't have to spend any money for advice and encouragement from him. Find which radio stations in your area carry his show, it's free and so is calling him. Get his book from the library. 
_____________________________
 Moo
Shameless Self Promotion~Christmas giveaway this week!
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RE: I need some major advice, I am in trouble - 7/7/2008 8:55:52 AM
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Sadey
Posts: 540
Joined: 7/25/2007
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I dob't have any advice, since you've already recieved great advice from the other posters. I do want to tell you that God is in control and he will see you through this and when its all over you will have your two beautiful children and I promise it will all be worth it.
Most of us have made bad money decisions, hence all the good advice
So one thing you need to do is forgive yourself and stop beating yourself up. God has forgiven you so now you forgive you.
My husband is retired and we live in a little town in Kansas and he can't keep up with all the work people want him to do. He charges 12 dollars an hour and while it doesn't seem much to others it makes a big difference to us. Have your husband get the word out to church family, friends that he is able to do small jobs for them. Its hard to find anyone to do these things. My husband also mows lawns, could you do some childcare? That way you can continue to stay home. Of course that would depend on your children and how they would adjust to other chidren.
God bless you and he will see you through this.
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RE: I need some major advice, I am in trouble - 7/24/2008 8:21:40 PM
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lambslite
Posts: 57
Joined: 8/18/2005
Status: offline
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I am sorry that you are going through such a difficult time. Our family has been through these rough spots as well and I know that it can seem very dark. One thing that helped me was to decide that God was going to bring breakthrough. I just didn't know how or when. I would imagine it written on His calendar in heaven and that helped a lot. He did in fact bring breakthrough and in ways I would never have imagined. I will be praying for you.
I had a couple of thoughts for you. Food banks can give you some relief in the short term and take the worry about the kids nutrition off your mind. You may have several in your area and you could alternate between them.
The other idea, was about medical care. In our area a hospital provides care with a sliding fee according to income. It could be that there is one in your area. I know it won't help with the current bills but it will take the worry off your mind should someone need a dr.
_____________________________
“God tempers the wind to the shorn lamb”
Laurence Sterne
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RE: I need some major advice, I am in trouble - 7/25/2008 11:40:12 AM
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DeeAnnBailey
Posts: 2511
Joined: 3/23/2006
From: SC
Status: offline
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You have gotten a lot of good advise and I can only add I'm praying for your situation. I am currently working with my daughter who is going through a divorce (abuse) and have found that her husband had run up about $6,000 in debts in both their names. He isn't working so trying to pay this is going to fall on her. So while their debt isn't the magnitude of yours for her as a single mother (20 years old with a 7 month old) it is also overwhelming.
My best advise to you and to continue to stay in touch with all creditors, call them first. You may not like their answers any more than they like yours but it is always best that you call them first!
God Bless!
_____________________________
D. Ann Bailey
My Blog Dee's Delights and Delusions
Pro-life, troup supporting Christian
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