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How I know God will bring my new wife to me. - 1/16/2007 1:59:17 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8009
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(At various times here people have asked how I know God will bring me my new wife. Below is my answer and a glimpse into my heart (It might need some editing yet))
On September 20, 2005 half my heart went to heaven. She was my miracle, the bride of my youth, the joy of my life. Now all I have left of her is our precious daughter, and eighteen years of memories. Yet I am certain to the very core of my being that God will bring me a new wife.
I knew surprisingly quickly after Michele’s passing that I would remarry. In fact, that certainty came so swiftly that I doubted my own sanity. What man could think about a new wife so quickly after losing the love of his life? But think that I did.
I was on my way to the cemetery to select a plot for Michele. On the way I found myself wondering how many plots to get. I wanted to rest next to Michele but I’m a young man and I couldn’t see myself spending the next fifty years alone. My daughter needs a mother, so I’d need to remarry for her sake if nothing else. These thoughts terrified me. They did not seem at all normal. On the other hand, I had a strange peace about them. Even in that peace I still felt I was somehow being unfaithful to her. And yet Michele had told me years before she died that if she died first she wanted me to remarry.
At the cemetery I found that the cost of the plots was well within my ability to buy three side by side. So I purchased three, one for Michele, one for me, and one for my next wife.
Michele’s dad was there and told me he thought that it was a very wise thing to do. In fact, the words he used were almost exactly the thoughts I had been thinking on the way there. He had peace about me remarrying. Which was an instant second witness to the peace I felt about it and a permission to remarry.
After the funeral I received spoken permission from Michele’s mom to remarry. What an incredible blessing that was to me. I have peace, her parents have peace.
My daughter has been praying for a new mommy almost that long. She has peace with me remarrying (as long as the new mommy likes her).
The bible says that there is safety in a multitude of counselors. All of Michele’s and my friends have lent their support/approval to my remarrying. All our pastors from several different churches, all our relatives on both sides, in fact, nearly everyone who could be counted on as a counselor to me has supported my remarriage. Of course everyone wants to meet and approve of her before they’ll let me marry her.
This is one way I know that God will bring her to me. I figure if any woman can jump through all those hoops than surely God has brought her to me. Then we come to the major miracle, I’ll have to meet her family’s approval. I truly don’t see this happening without divine intervention. And yet I can’t see it not happening. It is inevitable.
I have never seen God as being wasteful or random. Everything has a purpose and a time. From the grass growing to Michele’s passing, everything has a reason.
In the garden God created Eve to be a helpmate for Adam. Why? Because God saw that “it is not good for man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18). We were made to be with our wives. Most of us are incomplete without them. I’ve been told, and I believe, that it was not good for John to be alone before Michele and it is even less good for John to be alone after Michele.
When I met Michele, I was lost and most definitely not looking for a wife. I was happy being a playboy type single man. Fortunately God had other plans for me. Within a few weeks of meeting Michele I could no longer see myself living my life without her. She brought a joy to my life that was indescribable and up to that point unknowable. She is the tool God used to reach me and to save me. Her faith and love for God was an irresistible light to my life. I wanted what she had, and I wanted her to be my wife.
We were married one year after we met and God spent the next eighteen years transforming me into a good husband, through trials and tribulations, love and laughter, joys and jubilations, He shaped me and molded me into the man he wanted me to be. Through Michele’s struggles he taught me sacrificial love, how to give myself for my wife. How to love her completely during the good times and during the bad. How to hold her up when she had no strength and how to be stability for her when her enthusiasm was overflowing. God made me to be a husband.
A husband now without a wife. Why would He have spent all this time molding me if he wasn’t going to use me? I cannot see God letting a well trained husband go to waste, What blacksmith forges a tool just to let it sit and rust? What carpenter builds a table to let it rot from disuse? Why would God forge me into a good husband and not bring me a new wife? He wouldn’t.
The union of a man to his wife is a mystery, Before a man is married he is a complete independent being, able to live and work and thrive. And yet when he marries his wife the two of them become even more complete, even more capable, even more alive. How can this be? I don’t know. But having experienced it I know it to be true. God completed me in Michele. And now with her passing I am again incomplete.
Those of you who’ve read my writing know that I am challenged when it comes to the gift of mercy. I am very much a justice oriented person. “Here is the Word. Here is what is expected of you. Do it and don’t come whining to me if you don’t”. God made me hard for a purpose. He gave me strength to stand under the heaviest assault and not bend or compromise. I needed someone to help me be soft when I needed to be. Michele was that someone. She was the balance to my harshness. Her mercy tempered my hardness, turning that religious sword into a scriptural scalpel.
Before I was married I didn’t know I was incomplete, but like a man blind from birth I lived my life content. Now however I am like that blind man who was taught to see and then had that sight ripped from him. The darkness which was once all he knew is now a foreign and lonely place.
Being alone before Michele I was trapped in serving myself with not too much thought for others. I didn’t know the joys that arose from serving others. I was lost yet didn’t even realize I was lost. Now I find myself alone and most routes of ministry closed to me. How can I help others when I’m not whole myself? How can I perform spiritual surgery when the mercy that softened me is no longer there?
The Word tells us in Ec 4: 9 Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour.
10 For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.
It is difficult for a single man to raise a daughter. I have no one to lift me up when I fall and I have no one to help in my labors and equally important, I have no one to help with their labors. I need a wife, and I know that my God shall supply all my need. (Phil 4:19)
Every man has duties that must be fulfilled. The duty to love his wife and provide for his family is the main calling God has placed on any married man. I have the continuing duty to provide for and protect my daughter. A six year old who’s lost her mommy takes an incredible amount of time and attention. This is a labor of love and a joy always but it doesn’t leave much time to work in the kingdom. When God brings me my new wife We will be able to provide Autumn with so much more security and love and yet give both of us greater opportunities to do the Lords work. Two are better than one.
The bible leads me to believe that most men, especially me, were not meant to be alone. We were meant to dwell with our helpmates, our wives. God has trained me, through 18 years of marriage, to be good husband. He has shown me the completeness I have with my wife. And He has given me peace about remarrying. Why would He have done all these things and then not bring me a wife?
So I know that God will bring me my new wife. I know that I will be able to use the skills and knowledge that He has given me to help her grow more Christ like each day. I know that we will minister to others and to our children with a love that draws people to Christ through us. And I know that the worker of miracles will bring me my second miracle in His time.
I am blessed to have had the wife of my youth and I will be equally blessed to have the wife of my full years.
Proverbs 18:22 Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.
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Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: How I know God will bring my new wife to me. - 1/16/2007 2:15:39 PM
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InquiringMindSJ
Posts: 925
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That is a very powerful story. Thanks so much for sharing it!
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RE: How I know God will bring my new wife to me. - 1/16/2007 2:25:36 PM
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Grace-N-Mercy
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John, that just brought me to tears. Very touching story. I pray that God will bring you the love of your life and that you will both be richly blessed.
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RE: How I know God will bring my new wife to me. - 1/16/2007 2:59:23 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8009
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Thank you everyone. God has been very good to me, and will continue to be very good to me. It is His nature to want to bless us.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: How I know God will bring my new wife to me. - 1/16/2007 4:10:17 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8009
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Thanks Trish. Good post!
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Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: How I know God will bring my new wife to me. - 1/16/2007 4:18:39 PM
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ladioffaith
Posts: 2993
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: NE Ohio (L.A. . . Lower Akron)
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What a beautiful story. It almost made me cry!
I know that I will marry simply because God told me so. It was the only thing He ever spoke in an audible voice. The fact that years have passed since I have heard it does not diminish it. God never lies!
I know God will fulfill His promise to you!
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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with
his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." Zeph. 3:17
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
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RE: How I know God will bring my new wife to me. - 1/16/2007 5:11:22 PM
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Pax2y_all
Posts: 87
Joined: 11/1/2005
From: Southern Nevada
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It made me cry the first time I read it--this time, too.
But it is not a sad song; no, the melody is so healing.
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"There are only two kinds of people who think I talk too much... Those what love me and those what hate me."
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RE: How I know God will bring my new wife to me. - 1/16/2007 6:39:31 PM
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semperfidelis
Posts: 363
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He makes all things new John... all things new. One day you'll be remarried, and one day I'll be married. I look forward to both. I just hope your's is sooner rather than later. Mine can wait a bit.
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The man in the arena....
If I rise and succeed, it's because His hand has lifted me.
I may not have 3 greek letters but I have 2 latin words: SEMPER FIDELIS (no, I'm not a marine, but we like the same things)
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RE: How I know God will bring my new wife to me. - 1/16/2007 10:07:17 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8009
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Thank you everyone!
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: How I know God will bring my new wife to me. - 1/17/2007 1:22:32 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8009
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I see by the hit count that people are still reading this.
If this touches you in some way, please let me know.
The effect our experiences have on others is part of the reason we go through those experiences.
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Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: How I know God will bring my new wife to me. - 1/17/2007 1:26:55 PM
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Elena1030
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From: Music City, USA
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Great story. Great writing. And an even greater God...
Reminds me of the comment Jesus made about our Heavenly Father not giving us stones when He knows we need bread.
How loving He is! How wise He is! How merciful and gentle He is! How punctual He is! \o/
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"We're not odd, we're just over-expressive."—Helen in Howard's End
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RE: How I know God will bring my new wife to me. - 1/18/2007 6:52:35 PM
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.Pammy
Posts: 3951
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I also have no doubt God will bring your wife to you, John, and the perfect mother for Autumn. Ever since I began to learn of your story some time ago, I've been praying for you both. Your strength has been an inspiration to me, and I feel honored that you've chosen to share this with us.
There's power in prayer, and with all of us praying and cheerleading, she's bound to come along sooner rather than later!
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Pam
"Sweet-talkers win at singles' bars and in politics ... often with similar outcomes for the listener."
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RE: How I know God will bring my new wife to me. - 1/18/2007 9:04:43 PM
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John_O
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Thanks PS. I'll receive that!
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: How I know God will bring my new wife to me. - 1/18/2007 10:28:41 PM
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creationtalk
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John,
I have said before and I say again, Michele was a very lucky woman, and your future wife is as well. You said in your post that Michele was the tool that God used to shape you into a good husband...however, you had to be WILLING to be shaped, not all are.
I can relate in part to your struggle to raise a girl alone...I'm raising a boy. It is definitely a challenge.
I'll pray that you find your wife soon.
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RE: How I know God will bring my new wife to me. - 1/18/2007 10:45:11 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8009
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Thanks CT!
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Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: How I know God will bring my new wife to me. - 1/18/2007 10:59:42 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8009
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Above_All
Pride could have certainly come in your way but you chose to not let it. 
My overwhelming and unconquerable humility prevented any pride problems.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: How I know God will bring my new wife to me. - 1/19/2007 11:38:21 AM
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AlwaysR8chel
Posts: 4442
Joined: 4/11/2005
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.
.
.
...... okay okay... I'm finally posting in here!
I think it's so very cool for John_O to embrace his desires.... and the desire God has for him.
I also believe that I will be married in the future. I knew at an early age my life was created so that I could be a help-mate to a wonderful man. I still cling to that belief... and feel that it is support by experiences I have been through....
Heck... I'm an 'office goddess' (please don't be offended... it's a joke we use here at the office. 2 people have tried to do my job... no one can handle it yet!).... who better to have as a supporting role in a ministry or relationship?? 
Way to be, John_O!
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RE: How I know God will bring my new wife to me. - 1/19/2007 12:35:05 PM
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adoration
Posts: 383
Joined: 7/1/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
A husband now without a wife. Why would He have spent all this time molding me if he wasn’t going to use me? I cannot see God letting a well trained husband go to waste, What blacksmith forges a tool just to let it sit and rust? What carpenter builds a table to let it rot from disuse? Why would God forge me into a good husband and not bring me a new wife? He wouldn’t.
If that is true than I am destined to be married... however even looking at similar things in my own life, I know God can use those same abilities in other ways, and already has. Most of my training growing up was all in running a household, by 17 I could basically do all the things my mom did, not perfectly but pretty close. My mom has told me several times, I not only taught her how to love, but how to love my dad. I don't know what God is going to do with it all.
Our woman's minister made the mistake of saying, "God has these roles for us to fill of wife and mother," and I said under my breath, "try daughter and sister". We can make a difference with these abilities no matter what role we are filling.
_____________________________
Dancing in my Father's arms.
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RE: How I know God will bring my new wife to me. - 1/19/2007 1:15:59 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8009
Joined: 9/5/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: adoration
quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
A husband now without a wife. Why would He have spent all this time molding me if he wasn’t going to use me? I cannot see God letting a well trained husband go to waste, What blacksmith forges a tool just to let it sit and rust? What carpenter builds a table to let it rot from disuse? Why would God forge me into a good husband and not bring me a new wife? He wouldn’t.
If that is true than I am destined to be married... however even looking at similar things in my own life, I know God can use those same abilities in other ways, and already has. Most of my training growing up was all in running a household, by 17 I could basically do all the things my mom did, not perfectly but pretty close. My mom has told me several times, I not only taught her how to love, but how to love my dad. I don't know what God is going to do with it all.
Our woman's minister made the mistake of saying, "God has these roles for us to fill of wife and mother," and I said under my breath, "try daughter and sister". We can make a difference with these abilities no matter what role we are filling.
This is true. Just as a screwdriver makes a pretty good pry bar. That wasn't it's intended use, and it's not the best use of it, but it will do it. The problem is that using a tool for a purpose other than it's intended purpose will eventually damage that tool and mar the item being worked on.
As a husband I poured myself into Michele's life and surrounded her with my love. Doing this with someone I am not married to can lead to all sorts of problems. While it can be done, it can also be hurtful.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: How I know God will bring my new wife to me. - 1/19/2007 1:31:30 PM
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adoration
Posts: 383
Joined: 7/1/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
quote:
ORIGINAL: adoration
quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
A husband now without a wife. Why would He have spent all this time molding me if he wasn’t going to use me? I cannot see God letting a well trained husband go to waste, What blacksmith forges a tool just to let it sit and rust? What carpenter builds a table to let it rot from disuse? Why would God forge me into a good husband and not bring me a new wife? He wouldn’t.
If that is true than I am destined to be married... however even looking at similar things in my own life, I know God can use those same abilities in other ways, and already has. Most of my training growing up was all in running a household, by 17 I could basically do all the things my mom did, not perfectly but pretty close. My mom has told me several times, I not only taught her how to love, but how to love my dad. I don't know what God is going to do with it all.
Our woman's minister made the mistake of saying, "God has these roles for us to fill of wife and mother," and I said under my breath, "try daughter and sister". We can make a difference with these abilities no matter what role we are filling.
This is true. Just as a screwdriver makes a pretty good pry bar. That wasn't it's intended use, and it's not the best use of it, but it will do it. The problem is that using a tool for a purpose other than it's intended purpose will eventually damage that tool and mar the item being worked on.
As a husband I poured myself into Michele's life and surrounded her with my love. Doing this with someone I am not married to can lead to all sorts of problems. While it can be done, it can also be hurtful.
Yes, I know what you are meaning, it's not perfect. But even so, you can pour your love into your little girl without it causing problems, she's yours. "Dad" is a big role.
In my case I can't say, "daughter and sister" aren't perfect roles for me, even if I'm capable of more. I've viewed it as being "faithful in little". What has bothered me though is that we say "daughter and sister" are lesser roles... but what I just realized is that a wife and mother serves more, gives more, and that's why it's a greater role... even in family hierarchy, the "greatest among you is your servant."
Sorry typing as I'm thinking...
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Dancing in my Father's arms.
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