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RE: Dancing to a different drummer - 3/31/2007 6:37:25 PM
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agapetos
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There's an author called Kay Redfield Jamison who hasn't written many books (she's professor of psychology I believe) but has written one (An Unquiet Mind) about her experiences of living with bipolar. Towards the end she recalls being asked about whether she'd have prefered not to have bipolar. She says that if the medication she uses hadn't been available to her, she'd have prefered not to have it. But it was available and with it she's been able to deal with the highs and lows of her condition.
My medication does not eliminate the wee beastie that is my bipolar. It helps me live with it. I learnt a lot from reading 'Unquiet Mind' ~ most importantly that the ultimate treatment for my highs, my lows and my normals is our Lord. I've just spent 3+ months in a major low ~ I'm not sure that I'd want to face it without Him.
There's a Liverpudlian (and if your neural pathways aren't connecting properly, that's someone who's from Liverpool!) author called Brian Patten who's written several poems I've come across in studying literature. I'm aware that I can't copy them in their entirity, but I'll mention them.
The first is called 'A Blade of Grass' and talks of how someone, when offered a blade of grass, says it's not good enough. I wonder how you'd react if you asked for something and were offered a blade of grass, one of God's simpler creations? The past week or so, since my mood has improved, I've gone out for walks in fields near where I live. It's kinda muddy in some places, but the grass is a wonderful, fresh spring green and even with shoes on, feels softer underfoot (yeah, I know, that could be the mud under the grass!). It's such a blessing and a promise of brighter days (late spring and summer) to come. I wonder if I appreciate these many blades of grass more than someone who hasn't experienced such a low?
The second poem is called 'Albatross Ramble' and is a cautionary tale never to wake with an albatross in your bed! I'm going to write about that tomorrow (because my book is downstairs!).
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RE: Dancing to a different drummer - 4/1/2007 6:29:58 PM
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agapetos
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I decided to make some rice in the microwave today ~ normally I make it in my electric steamer. I threw everything in the bowl and covered it with cling film and put it in to cook. About half way through, I checked on it and, knowing I was dealing with boiling water and steam, peeled back the cling film without the slightest care in the world.
Needless to say, I have 3 not serious burns on the back of my fingers. They'll probably be gone tomorrow, but let that be a cautionary tale for ya!
My father 'phoned this afternoon and after chatting for a bit, told me that my brother had some news for me. Technically, he's my half-brother but if I didn't have him, I wouldn't have one! He's 19 and has been offered a place to study at Chicago for 4 years starting September. It was his first choice and he's so over the moon about it. I'm very pleased for him, but I think my dad will miss him.
This evening I sat down to watch 'Persuasion' ~ Jane Austen. I'm not a big Austen fan, but she based several of her books in Bath, which isn't too far from where I live. Some of my family and I were in Bath last September and after we separated to go to our respective homes I walked through the centre of Bath ~ much of which has remained unchanged since Austen's day! Anyhow, the day that I was there, they were filming (all very boring ~ lots of people standing round doing nothing) but I watched for a bit then headed home.
Today, I saw the results of that filming and it was kind of cool. Fortunately I can say that I didn't manage to put myself in the picture! I enjoyed the adaptation, though I should read the novel again before saying something like that probably! The lead actor (Rupert Penry-Jones) was (as he always is) excellent.
< Message edited by Kath -- 4/9/2007 12:30:23 PM >
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RE: Dancing to a different drummer - 4/3/2007 6:04:10 PM
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agapetos
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Given that I started this in March and we're now in April and my still making entries, I think I can say this is the longest I've ever had a blog 
I was due to see my psychiatrist today but his secretary called to say he had an emergency and had to cancel. It was a bit frustrating because there were some things I needed to discuss ~ but none terribly urgent and emergencies in health care of any sort will come up. I've been seeing him over 4 years now and I can only remember him having to cancel once before. Four years? Gosh, where does the time go? Back then, I thought it would all be so simple. Be referred, be diagnosed, be treated, get on with my life 
Many years before I started to see my psychiatrist I came across a poem in a English Literature class I took called Albatross Ramble. It appealled to my sense of humour (my psychiatrist is still trying to find a word that suits it and is welcome to suggestions at ~ oh, I suspect that would be breaking TOS which isn't such a good idea huh, sorry!)
Back to the poem.
It tells the tale of someone who woke one morning to find an albatross in his room. Albatrosses have had several superstions cast upon them. It's bad luck to kill one (why, I haven't heard, it just is!) and if they fly around a ship it means stormy weather. The person in the poem wonders about where it came from, if it really belongs to them, how and where to get rid of it and then sums up about what to do about it in a very light-hearted way. I'm not generally quite that light-hearted when I'm down, but I still have this weird kinda sense of humour (I seem to recall asking my psychiatrist if he wanted 'to put me down now or later'  )
I'm rambling... and I'm using 'he/him/his' purely for clarity.
Someone wakes up with an albatross in his room. They try and figure out why ~ maybe it went to the wrong house, maybe someone palmed it off on him, maybe it got there because of a dream even? Man and bird watch each other. He remembers that it's sunny and springtime and he has someone to meet and if it wasn't for this bird everything would be really good.
He worries about going out and meeting his friend with this bird in tow because of the reaction he would get and the effect the bird would do have on people, especially his friend.
He goes on to talk of how he's tried to get rid of the bird through various means, including an albatross-exterminator (don't bother looking for one in a directory, he's already done that!) and then telling his friend (by making albatross sounds) that he can't go out (and I've never yet tried telling anyone with albatross sounds that I can't go out!).
Fianlly he realises that he just has to put up with the 'gloom bird, doom bird' until it goes away.
I've posted a few of my favourite things lines (and they are within copywrite law, hopefully within TOS too!).
quote:
The bird is alive, it watches me carefully.
I watch it carefully.
quote:
Although I have made albatross traps,
Although I have sprayed the thing with glue,
Although I have fed it every poison available,
It still persists in living,
This bird with peculiar shadows
Casts its darkness over everything.
quote:
I’ll grow disturbed with this bird never leaving,
This alien bird with me all the time.
quote:
This morning I woke with an albatross in my room.
There’s nothing much I can do about it until it goes away.
Depression is often cast as an alien being, something we don't know much about really, nor experience and yet it happens, even scripture tells us that. I was talking with my nurse yesterday (in one of my more cynical moods) about a 'self-help' guide he gave me. One of the first things that I came across was things you should do in order to (hopefully) not suffer depression ~ eating, sleeping (try telling a new mother that one!), exercising, avoiding stimulants etc. I told him that I'd been doing all this (to the extreme) last year and I woke up with an albatross in my room (though I didn't use those words because I haven't introduced him to the poem yet  ).
For me, depression can come on overnight ~ and equally it can go overnight. It's very strange seeing your doctor in the surgery and having her be concerned for you mental health and 2 days later being fine and seeing her in the local supermarket (does anyone else have the problem of running into their GP at the supermarket? It's very disconcerting, you daren't put anything into your basket that isn't healthy incase she brings it up next time she sees you in the surgery: but maybe that's a good thing  ).
And I'm still rambling, so I'll shut up ~ hope you enjoyed the lines!
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Wisdom is not using them in fruit salads!
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RE: Dancing to a different drummer - 4/4/2007 5:53:19 PM
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agapetos
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Way back when I first became a Christian I found (online) a slightly different version of 'Footprints in the sand', which, I'm guessing that most of you have heard at some point in your life. This other version was called 'Footprints with a twist' and it stuck in my memory.
The poem begins in the same way with the dream of footprints in the sand. At first 2 pairs, then 1 pair. Then they separate again and they are no longer walking but it's really a bit of a mess of jumped steps, backward steps, whatever.
When the prints are looked back on, they are explained in the same way. The first steps, side-by-side are when the Lord and the person are walking together, then the Lord is carrying the person. The last steps the person simply doesn't understand.
The Lord smiles and says 'Can you not tell? That is when we danced together!'
I believe our walk with the Lord is more a dance than a walk. Sometimes there are good times, sometimes there are bad times, but that doesn't mean that we can't dance does it? It may be slow and careful so that we can ponder what's happened in our lives or it may be fast and furious and we feel we don't have time to think, but it's all a dance.
So that's where the 'dancing' bit of my thread title comes in.
The 'different drummer', as I said, refers to my bipolar disorder (and I will link my hypothyroidism in with that as it can impact my life significantly). For every dance, there has to be some sort of music. Mine has a drummer included in it. Sometimes the drummer isn't the regular drummer though and so doesn't always play in time (or in tune  ) to the rest of the band. The dance becomes confusing and frustrating and it's difficult to follow the Lord's lead.
~o~o~O~o~o~
BTW ~ I don't have a thread in PFY as many do to link to their thread. I simply don't think I'd be able to keep up with it, but feel free to PM me (if my box isn't full up ) if you want and I'll try to respond. Thank you for those who've commented so far ~ I've been really encouraged by your words.
< Message edited by agapetos -- 4/6/2007 3:09:18 AM >
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RE: Dancing to a different drummer - 4/6/2007 3:31:43 AM
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agapetos
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It's Good Friday today. I couldn't sleep and got up early. I was washing my hands in the bathroom and happened to notice the colour of the sky against the trees in the park across the road ~ and had to go take some photos. They're not too bad (even if I say so myself. I have one of the park with trees scattered here and there, mist coming off the ground (actually, it could be the pond) and the sun rising, setting the horizon on fire!
I have another one of the moon just at the edge of some trees. That's over the cricket ground, which is on the other side of the other road!
Four years ago on Good Friday, I collected my cat from the RSPCA. Officially it will be 4 years in 2 weeks, but Good Friday is probably an easier way for me to remember, even if the date changes some! As you may have gathered that's her pic to the left.
She's changed a lot in that time. She's gone from being a recluse (hiding behind furniture for months until she figured I wasn't going to beat her) to wanting to come sit with (well on then) me when I'm watching tv. She's not into strangers much and will hide herself away a lot of the time ~ or, so long as she's hidden ~ continue to sleep!
She believes in the power of the purr and the meow. She hasn't figured out yet that the purr, though quieter is far more effective on me (and far more pleasant on my ears!).
She's due to go to the vets in the next week or so to have her booster shots. It's not something she finds enjoyable. I have to devise ways of catching her so I can put her in her carrier. I tend to get people ask me 'what happened to her?' when they hear her screech at 50 yards as I walk through town with her in her carrier. Well nothing happened to her, she's just going to the vets! Strangely enough, once at the vets she shows no desire to come out of her carrier and holds on to the edge with all 4 paws!
Poor mistreated kitty!
When we get home she tends to sit somewhere she can see me and complain for 10 minutes and then get fed up and demand attention.
< Message edited by Kath -- 4/9/2007 12:28:13 PM >
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RE: Dancing to a different drummer - 4/17/2007 6:21:19 PM
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agapetos
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Feeling kinda melancholy tonight. The shootings of the students and professors at the VA school I heard that one of the professors was a Jew who'd been in a concentration camp and died saving the lives of his students. He was internationally renowned. Students who died, too young to have made an impact on the world yet. Professor Liviu Librescu could so easily have been killed in the Holocaust but his life was spared ~ perhaps to spare the lives of young people who would have otherwise died. The Professor lived with the experiences of the Holocaust. These students will live with the knowledge of what happened in the same way.
I've read in recent years both Konin (Theo Richmond) and Night (Elie Wiesel). Neither easy reads, both about experiences of the Second World War and Camps. People fled their homes to somewhere they thought was safe. That's something that's been going on for centuries though (in the town I live there are houses said to have been lived in by Flemish weavers ~ who escaped the religious persecution that existed in their country. I wonder where people run to when they don't have any place left to run and don't know God.
It is perhaps the wrong word to use, but we are so lucky to know God.
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RE: Dancing to a different drummer - 4/21/2007 6:21:05 AM
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agapetos
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Well I have seed trays and seedlings all over the place now I sowed my lettuce in a tray and put it outside ~ instructions seemed to indicate that. I have put a cover over it though. My tomato seedlings are still growing well (indoors!).
I've also got beans, beetroot, peppers (sweet, jalapeno and chilli) indoors. Not sure if there's anything else . I do have to plant my carrots and onions out though.
It is fun watching things grow though, I find. Knowing there's something in the compost that seemed dead, but somehow bursts with live within a few days of being planted. And slowly a little shoot appears.
I always wonder how it looked when God created the things that grow on our Earth how it looked. Did it happen suddenly, at the wave of a hand, or a touch of a finger, or did it take time to appear, as it does for our plants. The Bible says that God created the world in 6 days, but we don't know how long those days were.
Saw a robin on my back wall as I was gardening the other day. You're meant to tell robins everything that's going on. We passed the time of day and he asked (respectfully) to ensure Munchie was well-fed on kitty food! I didn't see mrs robin ~ I wonder if she's home minding the babies!
< Message edited by agapetos -- 4/22/2007 9:47:16 AM >
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RE: Dancing to a different drummer - 4/25/2007 12:12:29 PM
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agapetos
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Well my girl got a clean bill of health from the vet yesterday. Her teeth are sparkling so the highly expensive oral care food she gets seems to be working. Vet thought her weight was fine, and I wondered if I was just seeing her winter coat...
I buy her food online and need to spend a certain amount to qualify for free delivery. Last time I ordered some, I bought her a toy tunnel, which she loves and that took me over the amount I needed to spend. As she's such got such a clean bill of health, I think she deserves a new toy of some sort
She also got a pedicure while she was there. The vet showed me one of her claws and said that it needed to be watched as it was much thicker than a normal claw and was the type that would curl round and dig into her paw. She gets her claws trimmed regularly though, so that shouldn't happen. Very bizzare to see part of her claw being peeled off like an onion skin ~ definately something I will be leaving to the vet or the nurse!
My trip to the dentist was uneventful. I spent a lot of time in the chair last year, and while he's a very good dentist, I don't much like needing stuff done. I think last year he replaced my bridge, then had to sort out an abscess beneath one of the teeth under the bridge, then it fell out It was actually better once it had come out because he could do some work to give it more support.
I'm hoping to do some gardening tomorrow. I have seedlings coming up all over the house, it's kinda funny! Munch tried to chomp on a tomato seedling the other day  but it seems to have survived! None of the seedlings are big enough to transplant yet and it's not warm enough to put them outside. But the ground needs to be weeded and such. I got the fleece and mesh I ordered today. The fleece is supposed to protect against frost and the mesh against bugs and stuff ~ don't know how well it works but wasn't very expensive (I shopped around!). Hopefully the other stuff I ordered will come soon.
I spoke with my mother last night. She was somewhat upset because she gave one of her dogs away. She had one dog for over 18 years and the day after my nan's funeral the dog had a stroke and had to be put down. My mother went through a phase of saying she wasn't getting another dog and then she was and then she wasn't. She finally got one that was in a rescue centre and had been on tv! About this time last year, she got another one (she said she'd take it because it was being mistreated). This one however is a bit hyper and seemed to have a cruel streak in her towards the other dog. My mother heard through a friend of hers that someone was looking for a dog and her friend said she could be trusted to care for it properly, so she's gone. I'm hoping that she settles in well because my mother has said she'd take her back ~ but I'm really not sure she can cope with the 2 dogs.
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Dancing to a different drummer - 
The bibles (not your average handy-carry size!) and prayer book dates back to the 1800's, if not before. 
One of my favourite parts, the candle holders that have been carved into hands on each side of the pulpit. 
The other side of the candle holder with carving that's lasted 100's of years below. The balcony shows more carving. The floor would have originally been stone. It's still below the wood and if anything like my stone kitchen floor very uneven! Not to mention cold! 
More carving, but in stone this time. The text above announces who built the houses.