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Always Stressed??? - 8/6/2008 4:50:43 AM
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zippty_day
Posts: 889
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I've got a stressed husband. So, what can I do? To be honest with you, he seems always stressed about something and today I told him that I think he'll always be stressed. He said that before he felt trapped because we owned our home and now that it's sold he feels trapped because of the baby. We can't leave the country unless we leave him. I said to him that I think he's tired and he said that's because he hasn't had a good nights rest in a month with the baby. Geez, what am I suppose to think? I offered to take the baby back, and he said no. Isn't it true that life isn't perfect? I don't know what I can do. I guess he's concerned because my back was real bad the past 2 mornings. Last Friday I did some cleaning and moving furniture that I shouldn't have and now I'm paying for it, but it'll get better.
He went back to work and came back in a much better mood, perhaps he decided he wasn't going to act stressed anymore, I don't know. So men, what's your advice here?
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RE: Always Stressed??? - 8/6/2008 9:10:48 AM
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freakofnature
Posts: 856
Joined: 1/17/2008
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I'm curious about the following:
quote:
We can't leave the country unless we leave him.
and:
quote:
I offered to take the baby back, and he said no.
IDK, maybe I haven't followed other posts you have that have explained this in the past but I'm not sure what these two things mean.
Otherwise, I don't know how old you two are but it just seems to me that the guy needs to mature some. (Not to put to fine a point on it but he needs to grow up!) Feeling "trapped" imho, that is not a thing a man should say to his wife. He needs to seek Godly advice and really the only advice he needs is to watch his tongue around his wife and support her and respect her. Yes, he needs his rest, fine, I get that but then, not getting rest is part and parcel to having a baby. I know, I had 3!
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RE: Always Stressed??? - 8/6/2008 10:01:53 AM
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stamper_ben
Posts: 10376
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Lone Star State
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quote:
I've got a stressed husband. So, what can I do?
You can do nothing. Life as we know it will never be perfect. It is up to each individual to make themselves happy, or to be stress free. Maybe you can help him to identify the stresses and what causes his stress, but it is up to him to deal with what are in fact his stresses.
As for my advice? He needs to learn to take things to the cross and leave them there. I know from personal experience that it isn't easy to do. I'd take these things to the cross and lay them down, but when I left I'd pick them right back up and take them with me. I'll tell ya though, the stress is much less when I do leave them there at His feet.
_____________________________
We will be known as His by the love we show one another.
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RE: Always Stressed??? - 8/6/2008 10:08:04 AM
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pbaribeault
Posts: 1104
Joined: 4/29/2005
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Funny Girl and her husband are missionaries in Mexico. They are old enough to have grown children.
About a month ago (I think) they took in a local baby to provide foster care for. This arrangement started out mostly as Funny Girl helping an overcrowded orphanage by taking a baby off their hands, but has developed into a genuine and loving foster-family.
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RE: Always Stressed??? - 8/6/2008 10:18:06 AM
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buckifn
Posts: 1879
Joined: 5/23/2006
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The way I see it foster care is temporary and your marriage is perm. Your marriage comes first. If your husband is working full time and not getting any sleep I would say do something to change that. Can you take the baby out for awhile to let him have extra sleep? Or take turns being the one who is responsible for the baby at night?
I strongly promote foster care and support it 100% but I believe if it is destroying your marriage then the answer is your marriage comes first.
Do you have a social worker and have you talked to her about the stress?
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RE: Always Stressed??? - 8/6/2008 11:55:43 AM
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evryknee
Posts: 299
Joined: 3/9/2008
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The best stress relievers are physical exercise and relationships. When these are occurring or going well, stress is reduced. And then, if you put some physical exercise into the relationship (read b/t the lines), that is also a good stress reliever. 
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RE: Always Stressed??? - 8/6/2008 12:57:13 PM
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zippty_day
Posts: 889
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I've offered to take him back several times but my husband said he's wiggled his way into our hearts. We'll adopt him if we can. Another thing I told him yesterday was that maybe he'll always be stressed, look at his father. I didn't mean that in a mean way just that I can't handle his fight or flight or internal way of dealing with stress. We have regular exercise and eat pretty well so the benefits of healthy living are essential.
quote:
Feeling "trapped" IMHO, that is not a thing a man should say to his wife. He needs to seek Godly advice and really the only advice he needs is to watch his tongue around his wife and support her and respect her. Yes, he needs his rest, fine, I get that but then, not getting rest is part and parcel to having a baby.
FON, I think he's got something here.
quote:
You can do nothing. Life as we know it will never be perfect. It is up to each individual to make themselves happy, or to be stress free. Maybe you can help him to identify the stresses and what causes his stress, but it is up to him to deal with what are in fact his stresses.
As for my advice? He needs to learn to take things to the cross and leave them there. I know from personal experience that it isn't easy to do. I'd take these things to the cross and lay them down, but when I left I'd pick them right back up and take them with me. I'll tell ya though, the stress is much less when I do leave them there at His feet.
Stamper, I agree 100%!
Learning how to deal with life is a learned process and unfortunately, some genes and responses of his parents have been influential in a negative way by my observation.
This was suppose to be 'our' time. Our kids have been translating at a YWAM camp for nearly 3 weeks and as we celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary we originally thought we'd go somewhere for a week to have a '2nd' honeymoon. Maybe we would have flown to the states, IDK, but somehow, he feels immobile again. Seems like my life is such a roller coaster! I told him I wasn't feeling settled. A lot of it is because I feel what he's feeling/thinking even if he doesn't verbalize it. He had a dream we moved back to one of our houses in the states recently. Other than a house, there's NOTHING there in that town. Here he has a job, a church that loves and supports him, he has a ministry and position. I can't understand why he's never content. This makes 2 things happen in my mind. Number one, I want to make a decision for my life as to where I'll live since he can't seem to decide and changes his mind often. or 2, continues to make me feel unstable.
I agree, if he had these issues nailed to the cross, he'd be free from these stresses. I've been working with him for months about contentment. We just moved and sold our house an hour from here so that he could feel content. Actually, it's a 6 month trial. We really weren't suppose to talk about 'it' and just focus 100% on the ministry here, but once he got the money from the house he started looking for ways to invest it and pulled up repo's in our hometown in the states. I think he really wants to go back but has no job there. Here, he has a job and is fulfilling his lifetime 'dream' of being a missionary. It's a hard one for me men. He has position, influence and a 'secure' job. Why does he want to go back? If he could just identify that he misses his family than I could accept that, but our house is in another state almost equally as far from them as to where we live here in Mexico. So I'm not sure that's it. He's really hard to figure out. Was it my fault for having brought it up with, "I wonder what will happen?"
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RE: Always Stressed??? - 8/6/2008 4:19:03 PM
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buckifn
Posts: 1879
Joined: 5/23/2006
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quote:
I agree, if he had these issues nailed to the cross, he'd be free from these stresses.
That is not true. Have you ever read any research at all about sleep deprivation and the horrible affects it has on our physical and mental health?
I have come to the conclusion that depriving our body of sleep and rest is a sin against God's will for our life. If your husband is telling you he can't function with no sleep listen to him.
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RE: Always Stressed??? - 8/6/2008 4:28:26 PM
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stamper_ben
Posts: 10376
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Lone Star State
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Many times the lack of ability to go to the cross will cause the anxiety and stress that can cause lack of sleep.
There's been many a night that I have taken those things I should give up and spent the night with them. Sleepless nights, I shouldn't have to add.
_____________________________
We will be known as His by the love we show one another.
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RE: Always Stressed??? - 8/6/2008 4:43:42 PM
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joannepir
Posts: 155
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: NY
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You've only had the baby for a very short time. Plus the fact that "this is supposed to be our time." There are a lot of adjustments you two are going through. It could be the result of the lack of sleep plus the adjustments of a life that you didn't plan on. God has His own plans for our lives. It doesn't sound like you or your husbands plan for the future included parenting an infant again (unless it was helping care for some grandchildren). It may just be that your husband has to re-adjust some things in his head that pertain to the future. I know it would take my husband some time to lose his dreams of "our time together" if there was a baby thrown in the midst. That little boy is undoubtedly an "unplanned blessing" but that doesn't mean that things fit together automatically.
Like others have said, just pray about it and keep talking to your husband about it. He obviously loves the baby too but may just need some reassurance that his feelings are a normal reaction to unexpected changes.
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RE: Always Stressed??? - 8/6/2008 10:34:01 PM
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NotDoneYet
Posts: 285
Joined: 12/11/2007
From: Virginia
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My husband is a "stress puppy"...he's ALWAYS stressed out about SOMETHING...I finally realized that this is the way he is...
I pretty much ignore him now when he's "stressed out"...let him go, he can be stressed. I refuse to play into it...I don't let him stress ME out.
I don't know why he's that way...he's just sorta high strung, type A, perfectionist type. I'm the total opposite...type "C" for Comatose. I can deal with chaos, he can't. It's cool, we balance out.
And, yeah, I know about the "my time" thing...this WAS supposed to be our time. My youngest was 18 at the end of June...we were supposed to be footloose...but we have my granddaughters, ages 5 and 3, and care for my mother who's disabled from a stroke...so, we're looking at about 15 more years until we have "our time"...
Ah well...this too shall pass!!!
NDY
_____________________________
Remember, normal is just a setting on the dryer!
Ranting and raving: diaryofaravingmom.blogspot.com
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RE: Always Stressed??? - 8/7/2008 12:30:09 AM
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zippty_day
Posts: 889
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Play into all of this that I'm still hormonal, hehe and hyper sensitive this time of the month. He's seem ok now. We even had the whole YWAM camp over to our house tonight, it was crazy. 24 teens and leaders totalling 30ish I guess. We take turns getting up with the baby, in case some of you were wondering. If I can, I will, and if my husband is worried I'm not getting enough rest than he won't wake me to get up and gets up himself. He often takes a cat nap during the day and he was pretty much like this before the baby.
Not done, You got a double whammy with your mom. Bless your heart and may the Lord give you the extra strength for all this responsibility. We have one lady in our church caring for her mother in law and she doesn't have the help of her husband...real sad situation.
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RE: Always Stressed??? - 8/7/2008 8:18:23 AM
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stamper_ben
Posts: 10376
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Lone Star State
Status: offline
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quote:
Play into all of this that I'm still hormonal, hehe and hyper sensitive this time of the month.
Well, no wonder he's stressed! Don't you know how women's hormones can wreak havoc on a husband? 
_____________________________
We will be known as His by the love we show one another.
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